Ep. 8 - Swinging Into More Sex

[00:12] Introduction: Swinging Into More Sex

Host: Dr. Kanwal Bawa | Guest: Jim | Runtime: 29:20 | Published: January 31, 2022

Dr. Bawa: Welcome to another episode of Dr. Sex Fairy. I'm Dr. Kanwal Bawa, and I am here, as always, to transform your life. I have a patient of mine here with me today. His name is Jim. Jim came to me about six or seven months ago because he needed a little help in the bedroom.

Dr. Bawa: As we talked about various medical issues, I asked about his personal life so I could understand his situation and his story a little better and truly help him. Jim mentioned to me that he is a swinger.

Dr. Bawa: I thought Jim would be a great guest on the podcast to answer some of the questions people have about what is called “the lifestyle.” What is it? How does it work? What are the rules? Are there rules? How does the whole STD issue work? There are so many questions. Jim is here today to give us some answers. Thank you for coming, Jim.

Jim: You're welcome. Looking forward to it.

Dr. Bawa: Tell me your story. How did you end up getting into what's called the lifestyle?

[01:15] How Jim Got Into the Lifestyle

Jim: I got into the lifestyle in the state I was originally from. Then when we came down here to Florida, it's really open down here. We met some friends down at Haulover Beach who were in the lifestyle, and we just started going to house parties. That's how we got into it.

Dr. Bawa: So people have parties at their homes? How exactly does that work? Enlighten me.

Jim: They'll have a party and give it a theme night or something. Everybody comes dressed for that, mingles, talks with other people, and some people end up going to bed with different people.

Dr. Bawa: How does the conversation start? How do you have that “I want to have sex with you” conversation?

Jim: You just start playing around with different people. There's really not much of a “Hey, do you want to go?” conversation. You might start playing around with a girl, or a girl starts playing around with a guy.

Jim: For instance, my girlfriend likes two guys, so we often go after another guy for her. She's the more forward one. She'll start making out with another guy, and next thing we're all three in the bed.

Dr. Bawa: What's your preference: two guys and a girl, or two girls and a guy?

Jim: I like both, but two guys and a girl is pretty fun.

Dr. Bawa: Do you always have a date to go with? Is it kind of a bring-one-get-one situation?

Jim: We usually have another guy we've been seeing for years, so he's often there with us and we invite him to parties. Sometimes we go without him and find another male or female who wants to join us, or another couple. Sometimes we'll have a foursome, which is pretty exciting.

[03:01] Jealousy, Watching and Swinger Parties

Dr. Bawa: Do you ever get jealous seeing your girlfriend with someone else?

Jim: No, I never get jealous. I get excited. Sometimes I'm the photographer. I take pictures of them, get it going, watch for a while, and then I join in.

Dr. Bawa: Is that how it usually works?

Jim: That's how it works with us. Other people do it differently. I'm more of a picture-taking guy and I like watching for a while, then I join in.

Dr. Bawa: The things I grew up not knowing about. Where do you go to meet people like this? How do you even have that conversation?

Jim: A lot of people host house parties. There are also places we go in Florida. Trapeze is one of them, and there are other lifestyle clubs and resorts. You get different age groups depending on where you go.

Dr. Bawa: I wonder about this because in some relationships, someone can look at another person a second too long and their partner gets jealous. How does that work in the lifestyle?

Jim: For us, it spices up the relationship. Some people get into it because things aren't right and bringing someone else in makes it exciting again. For us, it is exciting.

Dr. Bawa: Why is it exciting? Is it the thrill of someone new?

Jim: I think it's the thrill of someone new and watching. Watching how my girlfriend is enjoying the other guy is exciting to me.

Dr. Bawa: And it seriously doesn't bother you that she's enjoying sex with another man?

Jim: No. To me it's exciting to watch. Like I said, I'm the photographer, so I take some great movies, and then I join in after a while. We have sleepovers too.

Dr. Bawa: Adult sleepovers.

Jim: Absolutely. Nighttime fun and morning-time fun.

[05:51] Why Jim Came to Bawa Medical

Dr. Bawa: The reason you originally came to my practice was for sexual function. You wanted to enhance your sexual performance. Tell our listeners about that journey.

Jim: I was starting to have a little problem getting aroused. I was taking Cialis, but it wasn't working that well. Then I came to see you, and you introduced me to the P-Shot and the wave treatments.

Jim: After the first P-Shot, I noticed I was getting aroused more than usual. Then I did the waves and it really started happening. I came back and got a second P-Shot, and after that I felt like I was back in my 40s.

Jim: I could just be sitting around and suddenly get a hard-on. My penis would just get excited. I hadn't had that happen in a long time.

Dr. Bawa: So when you came to me, you were noticing a decline in your sexual function and felt you needed something to help you. You noticed some benefit with the first P-Shot, and with the second one it really dialed it in.

Jim: Right. I stayed harder longer and I was able to finish the duty.

Dr. Bawa: Finish the duty. And apparently you have a lot of duty.

Jim: I have a lot of duty. We play with a lot of younger guys, so there can be a little competition.

[07:16] The P-Shot and Acoustic Wave Therapy

Dr. Bawa: The P-Shot was not painful for you, correct?

Jim: Not painful at all.

Dr. Bawa: For listeners who may not know what a P-Shot is, a P-Shot is a Priapus Shot. We take blood from the patient's arm and spin it down into platelet-rich plasma, or PRP. At Bawa Medical, we concentrate it further so there are more concentrated growth factors, and we inject it back into the penis.

Dr. Bawa: In Jim's case, the goal was to improve sensitivity, blood flow, ease of arousal, erectile function and the recovery time between erections. Jim then wanted more improvement and wanted to turbocharge his sex life, so we added acoustic wave therapy.

Dr. Bawa: The idea behind acoustic wave therapy is better blood flow. As we age, plaque and blockages can interfere with blood flow. When blood cannot flow as well, erectile function declines.

Dr. Bawa: When we combined the P-Shot with acoustic wave therapy, Jim began getting spontaneous erections again, even when he was just sitting around. That's a major improvement from where he started.

Jim: Exactly. I'm definitely enjoying it more.

Dr. Bawa: You also told me your girlfriend was enjoying it much more because you're staying hard longer.

Jim: She definitely is. I'm able to keep my erection long enough to finish having intercourse and get her to come. Lately I've been lasting up to an hour. Sometimes she wants me to be done sooner, but I'm having too much fun.

Jim: I feel like I'm in my 40s again. Maybe even my 30s. And I recover pretty quickly too. Within a couple of hours, I can be ready to play again.

Dr. Bawa: And you're in your 60s.

Jim: I'm in my 60s. I hadn't been able to do that for a long time. Since I got the P-Shots, I'm a happy guy.

[11:31] Penis Enlargement and Competition

Dr. Bawa: The other thing we did with you was penis enlargement. Why did you want it?

Jim: I'm already a pretty large guy - around eight inches - but I wanted to get a little thicker and a little longer. I see the competition with some of the people we play with, and I wanted to make sure I was up there with the other guys who have a big dick. I wanted one of those.

Dr. Bawa: And now you're up to competition level.

Jim: I'm up there. I'm almost nine inches, and it's pretty thick now.

Dr. Bawa: I bet your girlfriend is happy about that too.

Jim: She is, and some of the other girls I play with seem to like it too.

[12:13] Swinger Communities, Nude Beaches and Key West

Dr. Bawa: I believe there are swinger communities everywhere. Where do you think the biggest communities are?

Jim: I think Florida is probably one of the biggest. Las Vegas has some too. There are several clubs here, like Trapeze, and places like Rooftop Resort. We also have a lot of house parties and meet-and-greets.

Jim: You wouldn't necessarily know we're swingers if you saw us in a restaurant or club. We just get together and have fun. The lifestyle people tend to be outgoing and friendly. We talk, go to restaurants, go to parties and hang out together.

Dr. Bawa: What about nude beaches? We have a few of those in Florida.

Jim: Haulover Beach is one of the main places where people meet. You just get naked. There's nothing like being naked.

Jim: Not everybody there is in the lifestyle. Some are just naturists. We have a certain lifeguard stand where a lot of our friends tend to meet.

Dr. Bawa: Do you tell your other friends that you're in the lifestyle?

Jim: No. I don't know how they'd react. Most of my friends now are in the lifestyle anyway because those are the people we end up spending time with.

Dr. Bawa: How long has Kathy been in it?

Jim: About 14 years. I got her into it by going to Haulover. At first she would only take her top off. Before you knew it, she had her bottoms off too. We met some friends, started going to house parties, and she liked it.

Dr. Bawa: What do you think the average age is in your group?

Jim: Probably 30s and 40s, although there are people in their 50s and 60s too. I'm a little older than a lot of them. I think more younger people are getting into it.

Jim: We also go to Fantasy Fest in Key West. There's body painting, people walking around with very little on, and places where people are very open and comfortable.

Dr. Bawa: I've been to 801 Bourbon in Key West. I was fully dressed, and no, I was not swinging. It was a lot of fun. Great music, good drinks, great shows. Nobody was misbehaving. It was just a fun atmosphere.

Dr. Bawa: It wasn't something I'd ever done before, but I walked in and thought, hell, let's do this. I had fun with my clothes on, just in case anybody is wondering. Key West is much more open in a lot of ways than many other cities.

Jim: It is. 801 Bourbon is a lot of fun, and the shows are great. The people are friendly and outgoing.

[16:50] The Pineapple and Who Knows

Dr. Bawa: Seeing some of this in Key West got me thinking, which is one reason I invited you on the show. I wasn't always sure if I was reading the signs correctly because I don't know all the lingo. What's the thing about the pineapple?

Jim: Supposedly, if you have a pineapple light in front of your house, you're in the lifestyle. I don't know if that's always true. We happen to have one in front of our house, but we put it up before I even knew that was a thing.

Jim: Sometimes you start talking to somebody and realize they know some of the same people you do. You don't always know who's in the lifestyle until you start talking.

Dr. Bawa: Does your son know that you're a swinger?

Jim: I don't think he does. His wife claims we are, though, so maybe they know more than I think. One of my daughters told me, “You're either gay or you're a swinger, and you're not gay.” So they're starting to catch on. We just deny it.

[18:05] STDs, Testing and Safer Sex

Dr. Bawa: As long as you're having fun. Now tell me how the STD issue works.

Jim: At first I thought you meant SDC, the website. As far as sexually transmitted diseases, most of us get tested regularly.

Dr. Bawa: Do you always use condoms?

Jim: With people we don't know, yes. The same goes for Kathy. With friends we've known for a long time and who test, sometimes it's different. But we would never have sex with somebody we don't know without a condom.

Dr. Bawa: This is where my doctor brain kicks in. If two men are having sex with the same woman, even if both are wearing condoms, I still think about exposure and how infections can be transmitted. Years in the emergency department taking care of people with STDs make me ask these questions.

Dr. Bawa: The only thing you know for sure is where you've been. You do not know for sure where the other person has been. I do not want listeners to think that sex without protection is okay. You have to be careful.

Jim: That's fair. We mostly play with people we've known for years and who get tested, but you're right - you still have to be careful.

[20:18] Swinging After COVID

Dr. Bawa: How did COVID affect the swinger population?

Jim: We didn't really do anything for about a year and a half. We're just now starting to get together again. The parties are smaller right now - maybe six or eight people, or just a couple of other couples.

Jim: Before COVID, a party might have around 20 people, maybe ten couples. We're easing back into it. You want to know who you're kissing and whether people have been tested or vaccinated.

[21:01] Penile Enlargement in the Lifestyle

Dr. Bawa: How did your enlargement go over with the swingers when you started strutting your stuff? Were they impressed?

Jim: They were really impressed. One woman I play with all the time said, “Holy cow, this is nice.” She wanted her boyfriend to do it too. People definitely noticed and liked it.

Jim: At first, when people asked how I got so big, I joked that they just hadn't seen me in a while. Eventually I told them I came to see you. Then they started saying they wanted to tell their husbands or boyfriends about it.

Dr. Bawa: One of the things I like is that it looks natural. With the way we did it, you had the instant gratification, and then the goal was continued improvement over time.

Dr. Bawa: It's also an in-and-out procedure. Some patients come back because they love what they see and want more, not because they didn't get a result. I've had patients fly in in the morning, have their enlargement, and fly home the same day. Others make a weekend of it in South Florida.

Dr. Bawa: Sometimes a partner is eventually going to ask, “What the hell happened here?” But I always tell patients to do this for the right reasons and to do it for themselves. The confidence can affect much more than the bedroom.

Jim: Exactly. I didn't even know enlargement was a thing when I first came to you. I originally found you because I was interested in the P-Shot. Then I tried the first one, thought it was great, tried the second one, and it kept getting better.

[23:56] Acoustic Wave Therapy and Spontaneous Erections

Dr. Bawa: You also noticed a difference with the acoustic wave therapy.

Jim: Yes. The enlargement and the wave treatments really helped. I notice more blood flow and more excitement.

Dr. Bawa: Acoustic wave therapy is painless. We use a device over the penile and scrotal area with the goal of breaking up blockages and improving blood flow. Better blood flow can improve erections and overall penile function.

Jim: I can be driving in my car and suddenly realize I'm hard. I didn't even do anything. I can just be relaxed and it happens.

Dr. Bawa: Spontaneous erections are a good thing. That's how the body is supposed to work. You don't have to overthink it or stress over it. And when you're going to your parties and playing, everybody's happy.

Jim: Exactly. Some of the guys may be getting a little jealous. I wonder if they're thinking, “How did that guy get like that?” Their girlfriends seem to like it.

Dr. Bawa: Different strokes for different folks.

[25:39] A Judgment-Free Conversation About Swinging

Dr. Bawa: I'm not here to judge anybody. This podcast is truly a judgment-free zone. We're here to have honest conversations and ask questions that people want to ask but may be too afraid or embarrassed to ask.

Dr. Bawa: I didn't know how the swinging lifestyle worked. I have patients in it, including you, and I hope this conversation has brought the lifestyle a little more to the forefront.

Dr. Bawa: A lot more people are doing it than you might think. You can look at someone and have no idea they're in the lifestyle. I've had doctors, lawyers and people from all walks of life come to me through referrals from within the community. They're normal members of society who happen to make a different lifestyle choice.

Jim: We don't just have sex all the time. We enjoy each other's company. We go to dinners, parties and clubs. It's a group of people having fun.

Dr. Bawa: There's so much I didn't know, and now I know more. It helps me be a better doctor to my swinger patients, and I think a lot of listeners have wondered about the same things.

[27:06] SDC and Finding the Lifestyle

Dr. Bawa: What was the website you mentioned?

Jim: SDC. It's one of the swinger sites. It lists clubs and parties, and people can post that they're free for a weekend and see if anyone wants to join them. There are dinner parties, cruises and vacations too.

Dr. Bawa: For the record, this is not sponsored. SDC should sponsor us after this.

[27:44] Sexual Orientation in the Lifestyle

Dr. Bawa: One more question. Do you ever have sex with men?

Jim: No. That's not my thing. I'm a girl guy only.

Dr. Bawa: There are certainly people in the broader lifestyle who are bisexual or have different preferences, but that's not your group.

Jim: Not that I know of. I'm sure there are people out there, but not in my group.

Dr. Bawa: Another burning question answered. They don't teach you these things in medical school. This is exactly why the Dr. Sex Fairy Podcast exists.

[28:26] Closing

Dr. Bawa: Jim, thank you for coming. And to my listeners, thank you for listening. Please don't forget to leave me a five-star review and follow this podcast so you can get more fun episodes coming your way.

[28:48] Recorded Outro

Dr. Bawa: I hope you enjoyed the Dr. Sex Fairy Podcast today. I would love to continue this conversation with you. If you would like my top three secrets for amazing sex, send me an email at askme@drsexfairy.com and I will share them with you. Don't forget to follow this podcast and leave me a five-star review. Until next time.