Ep. 157: I Will Always Love You (But Can I Love Them Too?)

[00:10] Polyamory: Love Beyond Monogamy

Ep. 157: I Will Always Love You (But Can I Love Them Too?)

Host: Dr. Kanwal Bawa | Runtime: 8 min | Published: November 29, 2024

Dr. Bawa: Welcome to America’s top sexuality podcast, Dr. Sex Fairy. I am Dr. Kanwal Bawa, America’s favorite sex doctor, and I am here to transform your life. Polyamory Day just happened to be last week, and so we are talking about this fascinating and often misunderstood topic on today’s mini-episode. What does it mean to love more than one person at a time? Why does it work for some people but not for others? And how does it differ from other forms of consensual non-monogamy? Let me be clear from the start. I am not promoting polyamory or any specific lifestyle. My goal is to spark curiosity and thoughtful conversations about the diverse ways in which people experience love. So, whether this topic resonates with you or challenges you, I hope that you come away with a deeper understanding of human connection.

[01:32] What Polyamory Is—and Isn’t

Dr. Bawa: Let’s start with the basics. What exactly is polyamory? Polyamory, simply put, is the practice of having multiple romantic or intimate relationships simultaneously with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. The word itself comes from poly, meaning many, and amour, meaning love. At its core, polyamory is about connection, honesty, and trust. It is not cheating, and it is not about having a free-for-all. It is about building meaningful relationships based on mutual respect.

Dr. Bawa: That said, polyamory doesn’t limit itself to a triangle with three partners. Each partner can have one or more lovers on the side, and these partners may or may not be having sex with both of the primary couple at the center. These relationships can be heterosexual, bisexual, or homosexual. The options are endless. It can be very confusing at baseline, but here’s where people often get even more confused. Polyamory is not the same as swinging. Swinging typically focuses on recreational sex, often within group settings or at events, and it usually doesn’t involve forming deep emotional bonds. You may swing with the same people over and over again, but there is no love involved. Polyamory, on the other hand, is about creating loving, long-term relationships with more than one partner. It is about love, not just sex.

[03:15] How Common Is Polyamory?

Dr. Bawa: So how common is polyamory? A 2021 study published in Frontiers in Psychology found that about 4–5% of adults in the U.S. identify as polyamorous. That’s roughly 10 to 12 million people. Even more striking is the statistic that about 20% of adults have engaged in some form of consensual non-monogamy at some point in their lives. Clearly, the idea of exploring relationships beyond monogamy isn’t as fringe as some might think.

[03:58] Why People Choose Polyamory

Dr. Bawa: Now let’s talk about why people choose polyamory. For some, it’s about freedom—the freedom to explore emotional or romantic needs with more than one partner. One partner might be intellectually stimulating while another partner may share the same passion for adventure. Polyamory allows people to embrace these differences without feeling like they are betraying their primary partner.

Dr. Bawa: Some people are drawn to polyamory because they believe that love isn’t a limited resource. Think about it. When you have a second child, you don’t start to love your first child any less. Your love grows and expands. Polyamory applies the same concept to adult relationships.

[05:03] Jealousy, Time & Social Stigma

Dr. Bawa: Of course, polyamory comes with its challenges. Jealousy happens, but in polyamory, there’s a conscious effort to address it head-on. It is not about pretending that jealousy doesn’t exist; it is about understanding where it comes from and working through it with honesty and communication. Time management can also be tricky. Building and maintaining multiple relationships takes effort, and it’s not for everyone. Polyamorous people often say that their lifestyle demands more emotional intelligence and communication than monogamy.

Dr. Bawa: And then there’s the social stigma. Polyamory is still widely misunderstood, and people in polyamorous relationships may face judgment from family, friends, or society. That said, many in the polyamorous community believe that the rewards are worth the effort.

[06:13] How Do Polyamorous Relationships Actually Work?

Dr. Bawa: I’m sure that you have many questions about polyamorous relationships. Do these people sleep in one room? Do they have to go on dates together? Do they have sex as a ménage à trois or separately? How do they share each other? Episode 15 of the Dr. Sex Fairy Podcast, “Polyamory: Is Three a Crowd?” answers all these questions and many you didn’t even know you had. Make sure you listen to Episode 15 after this one.

[06:51] Understanding Love Without Judgment

Dr. Bawa: Let me reiterate something. Polyamory is not for everyone, and that’s okay. It’s not a solution for a failing relationship or a way to avoid difficult conversations. If anything, polyamory demands more honesty and vulnerability than many people are used to.

Dr. Bawa: Even if polyamory isn’t for you, there is value in understanding it. Exploring the different ways people experience love is not about promoting one lifestyle over another. It is about recognizing that love, at its core, is deeply personal. Each of us defines connection through our own lens, shaped by our values, needs, and experiences. Understanding the diverse forms love can take allows us to approach relationships, both our own and others, with greater compassion and openness. Whether love is shared between two people or many, what matters most is that it is rooted in honesty, respect, and mutual care.

[07:38] Final Thoughts

Dr. Bawa: Thank you for joining me on this exploration of polyamory. Please subscribe to the Dr. Sex Fairy Podcast for free on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or any podcast app. Leave a five-star review and share this episode with your partner or partners and friends. Follow me on Instagram at @therealdrsexfairy, TikTok at @drsexfairy, and YouTube at Dr. Sex Fairy. Visit drsexfairy.com to learn more about the cutting-edge sexual wellness treatments at Bawa Medical. And don’t forget to fill out the contact form so that I can reach out to you. My U.S.-made Dr. Sex Fairy supplements are linked in the podcast description below and can be found in the online store at drsexfairy.com as well.

Dr. Bawa: I want to leave you with this thought. True connection is not measured by its form, but by its authenticity. When we lead with kindness and seek to understand rather than judge, we create a world that celebrates the infinite ways in which love can enrich our lives. Live and let live. Until next time.