Ep. 125: Why Couples Stray & Why They Stay

[00:01] Episode Preview: Trust Your Gut

Ep. 125: Why Couples Stray & Why They Stay

Host: Dr. Kanwal Bawa | Guest: Susan Block, LMFT | Runtime: 41:13 | Published: April 30, 2024

Dr. Bawa: So, give us some tips on identifying a situation where maybe your partner is cheating.

Susan Block: Yeah, so this is something I think is really important for us to talk about. What are the signs? What do we look for? And I think the first thing you need to pay attention to is your gut instinct. Your gut tells you something's off, something's off. Now, with that said, Welcome to Dr.

[00:38] Infidelity: Why Couples Stray and Why They Stay

Dr. Bawa: Sex Fairy, America's top-rated sexuality podcast. I am Dr. Kanwal Bawa, America's favorite sex doctor, and I am here to transform your life. Today we are delving into one of the most delicate and emotionally charged topics: infidelity. We know that cheating lurks in the shadows of countless relationships, leaving hearts shattered and trust fractured. But beyond the obvious lies a nuanced landscape of motivations, emotions, possibilities, and questions. Why do people cheat? Why do happy couples cheat? Who cheats more often? Men or women? What is microcheating? And can a couple recover after infidelity? Is such a relationship even worth saving? So many questions. But today you will find answers on this episode of the Dr. Sex Fairy podcast. Whether you have grappled with betrayal firsthand or seek to deepen your understanding of the human heart, stay with me for this conversation. We are joined by Susan Block, licensed marriage and family therapist. She is a respected voice in South Florida's mental health community. And given her virtual practice, Susan and her team of therapists help people from all over. Join Susan and me as we dive into a conversation that may well change your perspective of not just cheating, but relationships on the whole.

Susan Block: It really is. It's such an interesting and well-needed conversation.

Dr. Bawa: Yes. So let's jump right into it.

[02:19] What Is Cheating?

Susan Block: What is cheating? That is a loaded question. So cheating, infidelity, whatever term you want to give it, is the act of being unfaithful to your partner, whether you're in a um uh a heterosexual relationship or a homosexual relationship, it's the act of stepping out, the act of betrayal in a relationship that goes outside of the boundaries.

[02:49] Who Cheats More: Men or Women?

Dr. Bawa: Now, there are relationships that are inherently non-monogamous. There is polyamory, there is swinging, so there's a lot of that. Our discussion today is based on monogamous relationships, you know, traditionally monogamous relationships, be it marriage or a long-term relationship. And I often wonder who cheats more, men or women?

Susan Block: That's uh another great question. So the research shows, and in my experience working with couples going through what we call affair recovery, men tend to cheat more than women, but not by that much, believe it or not. So the percentage is about 20% of men who cheat and roughly 13% of women who cheat.

[03:40] Sexual Affairs, Emotional Affairs, and Gray Areas

Dr. Bawa: Well, again, what is cheating? Because are these people having sexual affairs? Are these people having emotional affairs? Are they both cheating?

Susan Block: Right. So when we think about cheating back decades ago, before the digital world, the 21st century, cheating was a little more black and white. So let's say husband was the one stepping out, wife would probably find maybe a little lipstick on a collar or a receipt to a hotel in the pocket as she's doing the laundry. You know, if we're really going back to like the 1950s classic couple, in this day and age, in the digital world, it is much more complex. There are so many more gray areas with cheating, where it's not just sexual or physical, but it's also the emotional component. And technology plays a huge role in this.

[04:41] How Technology Changed Infidelity

Dr. Bawa: In today's day and age of social media and people being able to connect with each other so much more easily than before, how is that affecting, I guess, cheating rates?

Susan Block: It's increased significantly. We see this all the time in our practice, where technology, whether it's the you know, social media, DMs, PMs, whatever you know you want to call it, sliding into the DMs, liking something on someone's pictures, there's so much that's uh rolled up into this world of infidelity, where let's say someone likes a partner's friend's picture, is that considered cheating? If you're talking to someone uh through an instant message, is that cheating? how does it go from innocent, innocent conversations, innocent likes to stepping or crossing over a boundary? And that's really where the gray zone, the what we talk about, the gray zone, that's what that is. And so couples really need to get uh clear on what their relationship boundaries are. And for every couple, it's different. Agreed.

[05:58] Why People Cheat

Dr. Bawa: Now let's talk about why people cheat. There is always the lack of emotional connection.

Susan Block: Yeah.

Dr. Bawa: Sexual problems can also lead to cheating. What do you think the top five or ten reasons people cheat are? Yeah.

Susan Block: So you hit the nail on the head. So if we could start with the number one reason in a relationship, it's that emotional component. That emotional connection matters. I use an example of when two people get together in the very beginning, they are in love. It's like the their worlds collide, there's nothing that can get in between them. And as the relationship starts to get more comfortable, the dopamine chemical in the brain kind of starts to wear down, and life and reality starts to settle in. That's when the space in a relationship starts to happen. And the more disconnection, the more space in the relationship, the chances of something or someone getting in between that couple grows. And we call it sort of like the mistress of a relationship, whether that's another person or even technology, you know, leaning too heavily on uh the iPad, the um the phone, social media, spending too much time with that, that's all like the mistress in a relationship. So when that emotional connection starts to fade and the space in the relationships starts to increase and there's that gap, that emotional connection is uh compromised.

[07:44] Keeping Connection Alive When Life Gets Busy

Dr. Bawa: When reality sets in and life happens, how does a couple then manage to maintain that connection?

Susan Block: I think that's the million-dollar question that everybody wants to know. It's when the kids are tugging at you and you're uh chauffeuring them all over the place and you're trying to keep it all together, one partner's out working, uh making the living, the other partner—or sometimes it's both people who are out there making a living, especially in this day and age. And if you have little kids, babies with, you know, diapers and spit-up, and I mean, all of it is just not sexy. It's not romantic, like the way things used to be. So, what does a couple do to keep their relationship alive? And so the typical way that you would keep the relationship intact changes over time. Where if you were able to have the freedom and flexibility to go out to dinners and date nights and take trips whenever you wanted, all of that changes. So, what couples in modern day times can do when they are dealing with real life situations is planning uh conversations together, keeping the connection through communication is really important. Checking in. Hey, how are you today? You know, what was the highlight of your day? What is it that we need as a couple? So doing like what we call a marital meeting, it might sound a little hokey or you know, a little silly, but it really matters in keeping that connection alive. The other thing is creating rituals for connection. This could mean, you know, we have technology, let's use it for the good. So when you get home, maybe dim the lights. when you put the kids to bed, put on some music, you know, turn on one of your streaming channels and light a candle and order in some yummy food. If that's what the new dating is when you have children, then utilize that and not just sticking with what we call business-of-the-day conversation, like, how was your day? You know, what do you want to do for dinner? Did you pick up the milk at the grocery store? All of those conversations need to happen, but that's not what's keeping the electricity in the relationship. So, really asking your partner, you know, what do you, what's your fantasy? What do you dream about the most? What are your hopes? You know, what where do you see us in the next 10 years? If you could do any career in your life, what would you want to do? So you're really connecting through conversation while at home, while the kids are in bed.

[10:31] Technology: Help or Hindrance?

Dr. Bawa: Agreed, because we are evolving in a relationship. Who you were five, 10 years ago is not who you are today. And that's not necessarily a bad thing. But if you lose that connection and you don't ask your partner about how their dreams and goals are changing, if they are changing, then you're going to lose that connection somewhere, somehow. And I think while technology helps us, in many cases, we are also hindering our relationships because of it. We don't put our phones down. We are checking on notifications on Instagram and TikTok all the time. And, you know, maybe it's time to turn off those notifications so that you go to them when you are ready. Your phone doesn't beckon unnecessarily. Exactly.

Susan Block: And I think you bring up a really good point. As good as the technology is, it really gets in the way. I cannot tell you how many couples, you know, I work with where they ask me questions about what do we do about the technology. And one of the things I try to tell them, and I try to be playful with couples, I think it's really important to take the seriousness of what they're going through and not compromise the seriousness or downplay it. But there's no reason why we can't have a little fun throughout this process. And one thing I tell them is, you know, you take your devices, you plug them in. I'm sure you have a cord in your car, you've got cords all around the house. wherever you go, you can charge your phone. So why not charge the devices so that you can recharge your relationship? And even if you are charging it just for a few minutes, it's a few minutes that you can put a little charge back into your relationship. And it's those little moments, like micro moments that you can use to keep the momentum going in the relationship when you don't have a lot of time. Because that really is the reality is that there's just not enough time.

[12:29] What Is Micro-Cheating?

Dr. Bawa: You are right. There isn't enough time. And you brought up micro moments, and that reminded me of the concept of micro-cheating. What is that exactly? All these terms around infidelity.

Susan Block: I've heard of that before. So micro-cheating is these kind of like little mini gray areas that what I was sharing in the very beginning of like the 1950s couple, where there's the lipstick on the collar or the receipt in the husband's jacket. That's a little more black and white. That's the typical, you know, the old cheating that we think about. And although those things still happen with the digital world that we live in today, there's connection to everyone in the whole world. So you can be sitting side by side with your spouse, watching a show on Netflix, and be cheating on your spouse right in the comfort of your own living room. That means private messaging someone. That could mean playing a game, like let's say words with friends. I don't know if that's still a popular game, but you can connect and play that game with people you know or people you don't know and message with that person. So you're playing this game innocently and you start having a conversation with this person that you're playing a game with. And it could just be about the game, very, very innocent. And then all of a sudden, you start to ask questions about their life and you realize you have something in common. Maybe your marriages aren't really that great. And so now you're bonding about the marriage. And so that's kind of where it turns from this like micro, like this connection to the possibility of it leading to something more, where it's, hey, would you like to grab a coffee and then you know, taking it to the next steps? So going from that emotional connection to potentially a physical or sexual connection. Complicated. Yes, yes, lots of gray areas.

[14:41] Signs Your Partner May Be Cheating

Dr. Bawa: Life is gray, isn't it, sometimes? Exactly. So give us some tips on identifying a situation where maybe your partner is cheating.

Susan Block: Yeah. So this is something I think is really important for us to talk about. What are the signs? What do we look for? And I think the first thing you need to pay attention to is your gut instinct. Your gut tells you something's off, something's off. Now, with that said, it doesn't necessarily mean or signal that your partner's doing something wrong, but it's a signal that something doesn't feel right. So we have to be mindful that sometimes we bring our past into our current day relationship. And if you've had maybe some injuries of betrayal in a past relationship, we tend to take that stuff into our current relationships. So if you have that signal, it could definitely mean that there's something off with your partner, but you also want to pay attention to whether there's some unresolved stuff going on with you personally that might be impacting that feeling. So recognizing the gut instinct that something is off. With that said, the next things to look for are changes in behavior. So do you notice that maybe your partner is starting to pay a lot more attention to the way they look, their appearance. You know, did they drastically lose 25 pounds recently? Are they going to the gym on a more regular basis? Now, let me be mindful. Just because your partner is working out doesn't mean that there's an affair. It could just mean that they're really into their health and they're taking, you know, their health into their own hands. But these are things to start paying attention to. Also, are they paying less attention to you? Are they seeming a little bit more indifferent to you? Are they uh spending more time away from the home? Is there more travel recently without you really understanding why they're going away? Do they have an additional phone that they didn't have before or a different device that they're using? So all of these things are just things to pay attention to and just also checking in with yourself, checking in with how you're feeling and listening to that gut.

[17:10] When Small Behavior Changes Matter

Dr. Bawa: You're right about behavior changing. I was listening to this very funny, very insightful talk by a divorce attorney uh on the internet. And do people still call it on the internet? I don't know. Us old ladies. We can. We can so it was a really great talk. And he talked about how one of his clients said that the moment she knew something was wrong was when her husband stopped bringing home and stocking her granola. Oh. He always did that for her. Silently, never needed to be asked. And she enjoyed that. She loved feeling loved in that way. And when he stopped doing it, and then he didn't replenish it for a while, she got wondering. And of course, he was cheating. Now, again, your partner may have just forgotten to buy it. Right. Don't get mad at them. But again, behavior changing is a big deal.

Susan Block: If I can add one more behavior change that we don't necessarily think about is the opposite, where the behavior becomes a little more um euphoric. Maybe the partner who was kind of just a little disconnected and forgetting the granola bars all of a sudden starts to shower their partner with gifts. They're happier. There's a skip in their step. So it's like it seems wonderful. It seems like, oh, they must have gotten over, you know, the whatever they were going through. But paying attention to that change in behavior on both ends matters.

[18:39] Can a Cheater Change?

Dr. Bawa: Well, there are men who tell the florist to send a beautiful bouquet to both the mistress and the wife. Yeah, just don't mix that up. That's right. Now I have another question for you. History has a way of repeating itself. If somebody is cheating on a spouse, are they more likely to do it again?

Susan Block: It kind of reminds me of that saying, you know, once a cheater, always a cheater. And you hear that so often. And there's a lot of misconceptions around cheating and fidelity. I also want to just mention this. I know we're talking about a very delicate topic. And by us having this conversation, in no way condones, you know, partners going out and doing something like this. But the reality is it's happening. And so we have to have the conversations and we need to be able to provide support for people in the aftermath of this. So going back to your question, you know, do people, can people change? And the answer is 100% people can change. Now, will 100% of the couples who experience this uh never do this again or never face this again? No. Can it repeat? Yes. So what it's what someone does, what a couple does in the aftermath of an affair matters. And so taking a look at the affair or the infidelity as a wake-up call. Whatever that wake-up call is, now it could be uh maybe the partner who stepped out is really struggling with addiction. Maybe they're addicted to drugs, alcohol, maybe they're addicted to porn. and if they get the help that they need for that addiction and they really tap into the root cause of that, they can absolutely overcome that urge that they felt. So there are many factors to consider, but you have to do something. And you can't just sit and be complacent and pray it away or hope that it goes away. there needs to be some drastic changes and to look at this as a wake-up call in their relationship.

[20:58] Can a Relationship Heal After Infidelity?

Dr. Bawa: And there should be a call to your office. Yes. Because they need your help to help sort out the mess in front of them, because cheating or infidelity, as is the more appropriate term, I guess, can be so devastating. It is a massive betrayal of trust, of the love that you thought you had together, that you may still have together on some level, but will never really be the same. So, my question to you is when a couple is basically blown apart by infidelity, can you put those pieces back and not see the crack?

Susan Block: Oh, I love that analogy. So I actually use that exact terminology when I'm working with couples, where their whole world has truly been shattered, and rightfully so. I mean, it is what we call the ultimate betrayal in a relationship. and there's emotional and physical, but sometimes the emotional can be harder because there's a relationship. that develops with the mistress or the other person. Whereas if it's physical, let's say it's just kind of a one and done, and you don't even know that person's name, I've had many people say, I almost wish that it was that, rather than this emotional connection. So, you know, there's a lot of repair that needs to happen. And just like an injury. So if you have a burn, a severe burn, and you tend to that injury, it's going to take a lot of time. It's going to be what you do with that injury, following, you know, the medical recommendations of putting on your medication, wrapping it, cleaning it. It's painful. You know, you might not want to keep up with it. But over time, that injury, that burn begins to heal. And little by little, the scar gets smaller and smaller. Now that's going to take time. And again, it's what you do with that injury, but over time, you start to forget that scar is there. And it shrinks so much that you might not see it in the same way that you saw it months ago or even years before. So it's there, it's a mark, it happened, and we can't deny it. But what you can do is heal around it and create new skin, just like with an injury, to the point where it could potentially be even better than it was originally.

Dr. Bawa: Maybe the relationship is worth saving. Yes.

Susan Block: Yeah.

[23:45] Do You Have to Forgive?

Dr. Bawa: You know, not to be on a moral high horse, but I don't know that I could forgive. And I'm not sure that we should have to forgive. What do you think about that?

Susan Block: Yeah, so I'm sure that you included, myself included, everyone has sat around maybe a table with friends, and we have all said at one time or another, if my partner ever stepped out on me, ever cheated on me, I'd be out the door in five seconds. There would be no turning back. And I understand that. I think that for many people, that's the option. And it makes sense. I mean, any one of us, I'm sitting here talking about this repair, but you know, going through something like that is devastating. And so each person has to take a look at what's important to them. What is it that they feel in their heart makes the most sense? And that could change. They might start off in an attorney's office and realizing, what the heck am I doing? And they decide, you know what, we have a family. We have invested. We have little, you know, people looking up to us. And what I hear so often is when couples do have children, they want to be able to look in their children's eyes and say, we did everything that we could to make this work. And sometimes trying to fix the problem through therapy or a retreat of some kind, anything that you're trying to do so that they can look in their children's eyes and say that to them. But with that said, this is a deal breaker for many people. And I understand that and I respect that. That's where they're not coming in and talking to someone like myself. They're going directly to an attorney's office if they're married and they are beginning the filing proceedings for divorce, and that's it. And what I can tell you is, based on the research, that when couples do open up about the infidelity and there's real open and honest conversations, as difficult as it may be, the likelihood of them staying together increases. I think it's like over 50% of them staying together.

[26:10] What Repair Teaches Children

Dr. Bawa: That's impressive. I didn't realize the number was that high. You talked about the effect on children and showing your children that you made your very best effort to save the relationship. But my question is, playing the devil's advocate, what is that telling children about cheating and acceptance of somebody who does something that you don't agree with on that level?

Susan Block: Yeah, you know, for couples that don't have children, it's sort of, and I'll put this in quotes, you know, an easier break. a lot of times I won't see those couples because it is just easier to walk away, you know, put that behind them, start over, and uh move on. But when you have children, there's so much to consider. and so when children know, so I think we have to identify when the relationship is rocky, what do we do? Do we quit? Do we work on things? So, what we teach children is, you know, to work on things, to, to, you know, if they have a fight with a friend, you know, let's talk it out. Go talk it out with your friend, go make up. So we want them to put effort into repair. So I think with couples going through this repair, it's important for them to see that mom and dad are not perfect, that they do make mistakes, they are human. Sometimes the mistakes can be more damaging, but that they're willing to take accountability for their part, they're willing to say, I'm sorry, not that I'm sorry fixes everything. It doesn't, but we need it to begin with. And that they are willing to do whatever it takes for their family, whatever that might look like. And so I think to a child, knowing that their parents are willing to roll up their sleeves and put that hard work in is important. But there has to come a time when things might become too toxic and it's impacting the children to know when it's enough, to know when the relationship is hurting more than helping, and when the relationship has run its course, that sometimes splitting up is the best thing that you can do for your family. And let me also add, just for a little transparency here, I'm a product of divorce. I'm in a way grateful that my parents divorced because they didn't get along. And it would be better for them to be apart than together, as long as that part's done well. That's a whole other episode.

[28:55] If the Marriage Ends, the Family Still Needs Care

Dr. Bawa: Absolutely. And then the other thing is that just because a marriage breaks up, there's no reason to call it a day right there. I think it's a great opportunity for the couple to get along better and for the children, if then they do come to therapy anyway, because they now have to learn to navigate parenting and you know, co-parenting in a way that they had not envisioned. And a little help goes a very long way. Absolutely.

[29:21] Infidelity as a Wake-Up Call

Susan Block: It's an opportunity. It's an opportunity if they stay and it's an opportunity if they go. It's really about the kids. And again, that's kind of leading into a whole other topic, but you know, this is a wake-up call for the relationship and just understanding that there is help out there if people are truly wanting to make a go of this. But it's hard work. I'm not going to say it's easy. And a lot of the work in the very beginning falls on the person who has stepped out, and they have to be willing to put that work in, but it's also an opportunity for the relationship, and that includes both people, where we have to see what really happened in the relationship for this to get in the middle. And it leads me back to a question you had asked a little bit ago of like, you know, what causes infidelity? And the number one thing is that emotional disconnection, but there are varying um issues that could impact someone stepping out. And that could be we talked about addiction, sometimes someone having, you know, uh some addiction issues. it can also be insecurities that sneak up in a relationship. Uh sometimes getting the ego stroked feels good. And we want that kind of that dopamine hit that they got in the very beginning of their relationship with their partner, but that subsided. And if you're not careful and there's that gap in between the partners, we're going to fill it. And we're not sure what we're going to fill it with, but sometimes it's other people.

[31:00] The Need to Feel Desired and Seen

Dr. Bawa: It's nice to be desired. Yes, it's nice to be appreciated, and sometimes it's as simple as just being seen. Something that, you know, busy everyday life it tends to go by the wayside sometimes. So I think that if couples can be present for each other, that would help tremendously.

Susan Block: Exactly. and sometimes people will complain of feeling loneliness in their relationship. They feel their partner doesn't understand them. they they don't feel seen, where they go to try to um talk with them about an issue and they might be seen as a nag, or their partner's not listening and they're they're turning away from them. all of a sudden you start to feel like, what, why bother? So it's sometimes can become like two ships passing in the night. Some people will describe feeling more like roommates than they do uh intimate partners. And those are all signs that need to be looked at uh in your relationship if it starts to feel that way. So those are all you know different signs to pay attention to.

[32:07] Sex, Connection, and Intimacy

Dr. Bawa: And good sex is so important. You cannot have a good relationship without good sex, and you can't have good sex unless you're connected. So they are both important, and a couple has to pay attention to both. You can't deprive your partner of sex because you're mad about something. Maybe it's good to talk about things because that deprivation will cause a crack that just widens over time.

Susan Block: Yeah, you bring up a really good point with intimacy and kind of going back to, I know we talk a lot about couples that have children, and I understand infidelity can hit all couples, even ones without children. however, when life gets super busy and your kids are keeping you up in the middle of the night, the baby's not sleeping—throw-up, spit-up, diapers, all of those necessary things that are part of life, but not the most romantic of things, we have to figure out what intimacy looks like in that current state of the relationship. And it's probably going to look and feel different than it did in the beginning of the relationship when you can just tear each other's clothes off and uh get down to business and not really have a care in the world. So it's it's tending to the current state of the relationship. That might mean just going to get a hotel room and getting a babysitter to stay with your kids overnight, or finding other ways to be intimate that are not always leading to uh intercourse, which of course that's you know the ultimate. But I think so often what happens is when you're so tired at night and your partner wants to be intimate, what I hear so often from the couples that I work with, and I'll still be a little stereotypical here for a minute. Let's say husband really wants to be intimate with their wife, the wife might be all touchy-feely and cuddly, but they're just so exhausted. So they're fearful that if they start being a little touchy-feely, cuddly, a little kissy with their spouse, that is going to be a signal to them that we're going to go and spend two hours being intimate. And so the partner, the wife in this case, might not initiate anything because they're so worried that it's going to lead to something that they're just not going to be able to finish. And so they don't do anything.

[34:27] Small Doses of Intimacy and Shift Work

Dr. Bawa: Little doses of intimacy are a good thing. Yes, little doses, exactly. Children are definitely an important factor, but what about shift work? There are people like people who work in ERs and hospitals and other people who are working government jobs, working at the turnpike toll plaza or something, they're doing shift work. They're gone odd hours of the day and night. And that poses a challenge all its own.

Susan Block: I think you bring up such a good point, you know, modern day relationships and how to navigate, you know, when one partner might be working the midnight shift at a hospital or one partner is jet-setting, you know, due to work. And how do they stay intimately connected when you know these these uh nuances in their relationship are are um their reality. And so with technology sometimes getting in the way of relationships, it can also be an enhancement in their relationship. So intimacy is not just about um intercourse, intimacy is multi-leveled. So you can stay connected to your partner by FaceTiming with them. You can stay connected, uh texting or even sexting your partner. So I understand the limitations of sending provocative pictures, you know, through the digital world. and there's, you know, some uh some people are a little more conservative with that. But if you're in an intimate relationship and you know it's going to land in their hands, why not use the technology for the good? Connection is everything.

[36:09] Can You Infidelity-Proof a Relationship?

Dr. Bawa: Yes, even across the waters. So, how can a couple infidelity proof their relationship if there really is even such a thing?

Susan Block: Yeah, there are plenty of ways that couples can infidelity-proof their relationship. Look, I mean, human beings are going to be human beings, so things are going to happen that we don't expect. But ways that couples can stay connected—and this is based on research to avoid or minimize this from happening is staying in tune to each other's emotional well-being. Uh connecting with one another if there's issues and your partner has a complaint about something, really try to listen, get curious, try to understand where they're coming from. so communication is really vital. having an overall positive feeling towards your partner. Talk to your partner like you love them. You picked this person over the millions of people out there. And sometimes we get uh judgmental, we start to get like a negative sentiment toward our partner. But if we can start to look for things that are going well with our partner, we tend to like them more and therefore want to be there and show up for them more. So communication is key, the connection, also shared interest. It's not the only thing. But if you're out, you know, playing uh pickleball together, you know, and you enjoy a shared hobby, or if you're at home uh listening to some music, you know, sitting on the patio and just talking about things outside of business of the day. So creating rituals for that connection is really important. And if you see that you're stuck, get some support. There's nothing wrong, there's no shame in asking for help. So before things get to a certain level that you can't go back, that you can't get back to, go seek some help. And the research actually shows that couples will wait at least six or more years to ask for help after an issue begins. And six years is a minimum. So you can only imagine couples who wait 10, 12, 15 years. So if you see that there's something off, go and get some support for it.

[38:44] Preserve the Relationship Before You Have to Rescue It

Dr. Bawa: You know, people do that for sexual dysfunction as well. And sexual dysfunction in and of itself is causing so many relationship problems that people really need to get help sooner. And the concept of preservation, of both intimate function and the relationship, people should be coming to me to preserve their function, not just repair it. And people should be coming to you to preserve their relationship, not just rescue it. Exactly.

Susan Block: So it's the physical, the emotional, the mental, all of it, you know, preserving it before it gets too late.

[39:16] How to Find Susan Block

Dr. Bawa: So if they want to preserve or repair their relationship, how can they find you?

Susan Block: So we are virtual, we are all over the state of Florida, and we can be reached at coralspringscounselingcenter.com and we offer a complimentary consultation for anyone that's a couple or an adult individual struggling in their relationship.

[39:37] Recorded Outro

Dr. Bawa: So nobody has any excuse to not call you. Exactly. Thank you so much, Susan. This has been a wonderful conversation.

Susan Block: Thank you so much for having me.

Dr. Bawa: As we have navigated through the myriad questions surrounding infidelity, from the psychology behind cheating to the potential for healing and forgiveness, our conversation with Susan Block has shed light on the intricacies of human relationships. Remember, understanding the why behind infidelity is just the first step on the journey towards healing and growth. I hope this episode has provided valuable insights and sparked meaningful conversations. Feel free to contact me through my website, drsexfairy.com. You can always give us a call at 1-877-DR-SEX-FAIRY or fill out the contact form on the website. There are several links to help you in the podcast description below, including a link for Dr. Sex Fairy supplements. Please subscribe to the Dr. Sex Fairy Podcast on platforms like Apple Podcasts and Spotify, and leave this podcast and me a five-star review. Your subscriptions and reviews will help this podcast grow and reach more people around the world than it already does. For those of you on YouTube, like this video, share it with your partner and friends, and subscribe to the Dr. Sex Fairy channel for more great content to transform your life. Until next time,