Ep. 22 - Porn: The Good, the Bad & the Ugly

[00:12] Introduction: Porn - The Good, the Bad & the Ugly

Ep. 22 - Porn: The Good, the Bad & the Ugly

Host: Dr. Kanwal Bawa | Guest: Sebas Peñaranda | Runtime: 35:51 | Published: May 9, 2022

Dr. Bawa: Welcome to the Dr. Sex Fairy Podcast. I am Dr. Kanwal Bawa, and I am here to transform your life. Today we're talking about porn. Everybody wants to know about it. Everybody wants to watch it. Yet it's a taboo topic. I have in the podcast studio today Sebas Peñaranda, host of the podcast The Sebas Perspective. Welcome, Sebas. Thank you for being back in the studio with me today.

Sebas Peñaranda: You know, it's a real pleasure to be back on this beautiful platform, you know, engaging on everyone's favorite topic, you know, what their kinks are when they go to sleep.

Dr. Bawa: Yeah, I mean, we talked on the last episode about how we had to come back in and talk about porn, and here we are.

Sebas Peñaranda: Making a dream a reality.

Dr. Bawa: A porn dream a reality.

[00:55] Porn Is Everywhere

Dr. Bawa: That sounds a little kinky, but anywho, did you know that 40 million U.S. adults regularly visit porn sites?

Sebas Peñaranda: Yeah, it's called OnlyFans, and they do it every single day on Instagram as well. They just don't talk about it.

Dr. Bawa: Pornhub.

Sebas Peñaranda: Pornhub. I think a famous one was like RedTube. Porn is just everywhere. Like, porn is everywhere. It's a big industry. Sex sells. Yeah, sex does sell, surprisingly, which I thought was funny because you could get sex for free. You know, when you just download an app or go out to a bar or go talk to somebody, sex could be pretty free. I mean, obviously, if you're not including paying for a dinner or paying for an Uber, then sex is technically free. But if you look at it from that perspective, then sex is never free. You always have to pay for it. There's no free lunch. There is no free lunch.

Sebas Peñaranda: Nothing's free in this world.

Dr. Bawa: Nothing is free, but I find porn interesting because it's so polarizing.

Sebas Peñaranda: It is. I think it divides people a lot, specifically because in porn, there's no limitations. You could look at anything that you want. Your deepest, darkest desires could truly become a reality before your own eyes. That's very different from trying to meet somebody and convince them to do things for you. Especially if you have a fetish. Oh, yeah.

[02:10] Fetishes, Fantasy and Judgment

Dr. Bawa: And people are very ashamed of their fetishes.

Sebas Peñaranda: They don't want to admit it. I think really it just comes down to the judgment of people. They don't want to be judged for what they like.

Dr. Bawa: And we were talking to a friend of ours who said that he has a friend who makes $25,000 a month showing her abs on an ab fetish website.

Sebas Peñaranda: Yeah, some people are very interesting with what turns them on, you know, what gets them going, what stimulates their mind, the dopamine hits, everything, the whole nine yards. So I'm just saying, if you're looking at abs, you know, from some Croatian, you know, in the middle of the world, yo, props to you, man. You know, you're a quality investor. Yeah, feet, all kinds of stuff. Yeah, feet, ears. I think a very polarizing one for sure is the BDSM. Yes. It's the domination, submission, the masochism, the sadist. I think, honestly, I think that a massive fantasy that many women have is that they want to be submissive for a man.

[03:17] Fifty Shades, BDSM and Submission

Sebas Peñaranda: What do you think about movies like Fifty Shades of Grey? I think Fifty Shades of Grey just tells us what everyone wants to say but can't. That's what women—I won't say all women, but most women really want. But they just don't want to be seen as a whore in the eyes of society. They don't want to be judged for their desires, so they'd rather be quiet and just live out their fantasies vicariously through a movie or a book. Do you think Fifty Shades of Grey is more about a woman and her submission to a man, or is it just about kinky sex?

Sebas Peñaranda: I think it's about a woman realizing that she wants to be submissive to a man, even though she's constantly being told that's not the right answer.

Dr. Bawa: Very politically incorrect.

Sebas Peñaranda: Exactly. It's very politically incorrect, but we live in a world of political correctness, that if it's not politically correct, it's dangerous, it's extremist, it's radical. These are all terms that are used for that. So I think that we should maybe take out the political correctness a bit out of sex and just focus on what is best for the person.

Dr. Bawa: I agree. And you're talking about sex in the bedroom.

[04:45] Why Sex Is Still So Taboo

Dr. Bawa: Do you know how many people have judged me personally, a Cleveland Clinic-trained doctor, highly educated, highly experienced, and clearly successful at my practice, Bawa Medical, when I started my podcast and named it Dr. Sex Fairy? And when people realized that I was going to talk about sex, sexuality, relationships, they were horrified. Even parts of my own family, educated, successful family, worldly wise, traveled, everything. Why would you do that? Because I think sex is very taboo, even still. I know in the last episode we talked about how loose the sexual standards are on people.

Sebas Peñaranda: But to a degree, even though people do it, they don't want to talk about it. It's funny. That's kind of ironic. They do things, but they don't want to talk about it. They don't want to reflect, analyze. They don't want to do anything that has to do with a discussion. But I think those discussions should be had. Absolutely. Because if you don't have the discussion, you'll never learn from it.

Dr. Bawa: Yes, that's why I'm here. And, you know, many of my episodes are about even educating myself on things that I've heard about but don't understand. For instance, a few episodes ago, I had a gentleman on who is polyamorous, and he talked to me about the closed triangle, the triangle V. He was talking to me about how it works. You know, every relationship has a fine balance. And then when you have multiple people in it, now that's a lot of balancing. And it taught me something about a different point of view than mine, and it was interesting.

Dr. Bawa: I have had a swinger on my show because I just wondered, how does that work? So I think these conversations should be had. I think we need to not be judging each other, and this woke culture, I think, has gone a bit too far.

Sebas Peñaranda: The funny thing about woke is that it's based on not judging anyone, but I feel like judging people is really what they do. I feel like judging people is the basis of everything because there's always a label for somebody. There's always a term to use for somebody. You're X, Y, Z because you think this, because you say this, because you feel this, because this is how you see the world.

Sebas Peñaranda: And when You being told that you're erratic, or you're being called terms that have nothing to do with the actual meaning of it, it just shows that this culture isn't as educated as they like for them to think that they are. They're not as thought out in their processes and in their trains of thought as they like to be. So I think that, again, woke culture could be very dangerous for many reasons, but one of the biggest ones, in my opinion, is that it teaches people to not have conversations, to just shut up, and if you're not thinking what everyone else is thinking, don't even say your opinion.

Sebas Peñaranda: It doesn't matter. And I think that's very dangerous.

Dr. Bawa: Yeah, it's a dangerous world we live in.

[07:42] Why Porn Is So Hard to Talk About

Dr. Bawa: And you know, ironically enough, my podcast is doing extremely well, and for a new podcast, I think at episode 15, it was already in the top 10% globally. Oh. And people couldn't believe it. And I said, What are you surprised about? I knew people wanted to talk about this because they were already emailing me, they were calling. I have patients flying in from all over the world. Clearly there's a need for this conversation. There is, because there's a lack of it. There's a lack of it.

Sebas Peñaranda: And pornography is something that I feel is also not discussed enough, which is ironic considering how many people are watching pornography. Yeah, and again, I think it's because people are ashamed to talk about it. It's dirty, you see. Yeah, it's dirty. It's not something that's glorified. It's not something to be proud of. You know, it's not like you want a badge and like, Hey, you know, I like watching ebony pornography. You know, it's not something that people are typically fond of. So that doesn't eliminate the fact that that conversation still needs to be had. And I just want to say that pornography... Can be very detrimental to people, you know.

Sebas Peñaranda: It could be very detrimental, especially to men, because men probably spend more time on it. I mean, you correct me, doctor. You're the one with all the statistics, so I need you to keep me on track. But men probably spend a lot more time on it, even though that women are traditionally a lot more hornier than men. You know, it's ironic.

[09:00] Women, Men and Porn Use

Dr. Bawa: I don't know a whole lot about porn because I'm a medical doctor. I am helping people have better sexual function, better intimate health. But pornography is something I'm learning about just, you know, like anybody else on the podcast.

[10:02] Porn at Work and Porn Addiction

Dr. Bawa: So one number that really surprised me is that 17% of all women struggle with porn addiction. And again, these are the women admitting to it. Now you may think, well, it's a male thing. No, clearly it's a female thing as well.

Sebas Peñaranda: Yeah, and I think, I mean, I'm actually surprised by that because I think, and I know that women have a lot more sexual access to partners than men do. You know, there will always be a man that's willing to engage in a sexual activity with a woman, as opposed to there won't always be a woman that's willing to engage in a sexual activity with a man. And I think that just has to do with the fact that it's more okay and it's better for women to have sex in society's eyes than men.

Dr. Bawa: You know, another thing that I found very interesting is that, you know, you know that your employees aren't doing their job most of the time when they're on their phone. So you're like, yep, they're up to no good. And then I look at statistics like this, and then I'm convinced because look at this: 20% of men and 13% of women admit to accessing porn at work. Like, come on, seriously, at work?

Sebas Peñaranda: Again, it's dirty. You know, there's no clean route in this world. You're gonna do it at work. You're gonna do it at the subway line. You're gonna do it at the playground. I know people are crazy like that, but I guarantee that there's someone watching pornography at, like, a park. You know, funny enough, it's very weird to me, but I know there's people doing it. I mean, at work, I just find that interesting. What can I say? I think that that says a lot about how the life is at home. You know, like, what's at home? Is it the fact that you finally have privacy at work?

Sebas Peñaranda: Is it the fact that people at home make you feel like you're not—like your partner doesn't make you feel like you're attractive, it doesn't make you feel wanted, it doesn't make you feel sexy? These are all things that your partner should be doing. So the fact that they're not doing it, or maybe lacking in it, could be a massive indicator.

[12:20] Porn, Relationships and Emotional Connection

Dr. Bawa: So are you saying that, in your opinion, pornography is more for relationships that aren't working out, that if you're in a healthy relationship, you don't crave pornography?

Sebas Peñaranda: I think that if you're in a very healthy relationship, the need for pornography shouldn't really be there. You know, because if I'm with a beautiful woman, that woman is all I need. Obviously, you always have that instinctual thing that's like, wow, this person's attractive, but that doesn't mean I have the desire to go and have sex with them. I only want to have sex with my person because I know that they know me, I know them, I know they give me pleasure, I know how they operate.

Dr. Bawa: And you're connected emotionally.

Sebas Peñaranda: And I think an emotional connection is massive. Some people might disagree, but that's just how I see the world. And I think with emotional connection comes better sex.

Dr. Bawa: A thousand percent. So I think if you're connected, you're having better sex, then you need less of the outside distractors, and I think it's just a cycle. It's a positive cycle that perpetuates itself. Because I know a lot of men like to talk about the fact that they constantly need— More women, you know, they need variety.

Sebas Peñaranda: They can't have the same thing or they'll get bored. To me, my response to that is you only get bored when you're just having sex to have sex. But if you're having sex with someone to connect with them, you know, to truly exchange energy, exchange a passion with them, that woman could be your dirty whore all you want. She doesn't just have to be, you know, the love of your life. She could also be that dirty whore in bed for you. So that need of variety, I think, is kind of overstated.

Sebas Peñaranda: Which, again, also plays into the fact that that's why a lot of men watch pornography, because there's constant variety. You could look at as many women as you want from all races, all parts of the world, doing anything you want them to do just by a couple types on the keypad.

Dr. Bawa: How much pornography do you think is too much?

Sebas Peñaranda: I think you're watching way too much pornography when it starts to affect your physical health, for one. That's probably the biggest indicator for me. But the second indicator for me would be if you're just watching more pornography than you're actually interacting with real women. I think that's the key for me, is when it's starting to affect your everyday life and your relationships in the real world. I think that is too much. A thousand percent. Like, personally for me, I don't watch pornography anymore. I used to when I was younger, but I stopped.

Sebas Peñaranda: And because of that, honestly, I feel like my relationships with people, the way I communicate, is a lot better because I kind of cut that aspect out of my life.

[14:00] Body Image and Unrealistic Standards

Dr. Bawa: You know, I find that, you know, I'm not dissing pornography at all. I mean, to each his or her own. It's their decision. But I find that sometimes pornography affects people in ways that are so negative. For instance, women get a very unrealistic... Idea about what their body should look like. And while I do body contouring at my practice, I do it for women who are in the right space mentally. Like, you're exercising, you're doing everything you need to do, or you're eating well, and you have a little bit of loose skin, sure. I mean, I've had children. I understand how a body goes to hell over time.

Dr. Bawa: I get it. I've had cancer. You know, enough hell has happened to this body, so I get it. But I don't like it when they're doing it to please someone. I don't like it when they're trying to do it to match the woman on the screen. I think that's a problem.

Sebas Peñaranda: That is a problem, because that just stems from an insecurity of not feeling good enough, whether that's internalized or that's just being projected on them by their partner. You should always feel like you're good enough with the body you have, and if you don't feel, just go to the gym. You know, work on it yourself. You shouldn't have to go to have surgery to satisfy what you think your body should look like.

Dr. Bawa: You know, it's not even surgery, and I think there's a time and place for everything. Now, I don't do surgery for people when it comes to their bodies. Like, I'm not doing tummy tucks and everything in my practice. But, you know, I'm not against surgery in the right setting. Of course. I am against—and, you know, some people, my goodness, like people who have had massive weight loss and things like that, it is so positive for them to do something like that, to have that tummy tuck, not have those rolls of loose skin and whatnot. So I am never going to say surgery is a bad thing.

Dr. Bawa: I think it has to be done for the right reasons.

Sebas Peñaranda: Right mindset.

Dr. Bawa: And when women feel that their man doesn't find them attractive, and also it's a perception thing. Maybe the man still does find them attractive, but because they have such an extreme case of, you know, the female shape on the screen, they feel like they can't live up to that, they can't match that.

Sebas Peñaranda: And I think that also the man consistently getting that new variety, he doesn't appreciate his partner anymore. For what they have to offer him, because he just constantly can get whatever he wants whenever he does. I think pornography just has more cons to it than pros in many senses. The biggest pro, obviously, it gets you any sort of stimulation that you want. But if you analyze that for a long period of time, the amount of dopamine that you're receiving for the amount of effort that you're inputting can be very detrimental to you in many aspects outside of just relationships.

[15:11] Porn, Fake Orgasms and Communication

Dr. Bawa: And the other thing I feel is a real problem with pornography is that women then feel that they're freaks almost or abnormal in some way if they don't react to the man, if they're not having an orgasm all the time, those wild, crazy orgasms that a porn movie is going to show you. And I'm against that. I'll tell you why. Because I don't believe in fake it till you make it, because that's not helping anyone. It's not helping the man. It's certainly not helping you. Because if he thinks he's doing such a fine job, he's never going to change.

Dr. Bawa: He's going to keep doing that, whatever it is that is not working for you, but you're pretending that it is. So you're getting into that wrong cycle of he's going to keep doing it, you're going to keep not liking it, and then nothing will get better.

Sebas Peñaranda: Yeah, on that same train of thought, I think that a man should also be willing to listen to their partner and be like, Hey, I'm not satisfying you. What do I do to make it happen?

Dr. Bawa: Oh, absolutely. But if she's pretending the whole time, he's going to think he's hitting a home run every time.

Sebas Peñaranda: Of course. But again, that comes in. Many partners probably don't tell their significant other what they really think. Again, they probably fake it because they don't want to hurt their partner's ego. You know, they don't want to hurt the man's pride. But I think a man should just be willing to accept that and not get prideful if a woman tells him, Hey, you're not really satisfying me. You're not really doing that good of a job.

Dr. Bawa: No, but I don't think it has to be said that way, though. It doesn't have to be, Oh, you're not doing a good job. I think it's up to— The woman to explain to him that it's not working for her. Because if you say you're not doing a good job, now you are going to make him feel inadequate. He will feel terrible, and then, you know, that kind of emotional trauma is going to make him not have a good erection, and then that's going to start its own cascade effect.

Sebas Peñaranda: But I think that depends on how you say it. You're not doing a good job because you're doing X, Y, Z, or if you just say you're not doing a good job, period.

Dr. Bawa: I don't think you should say you're not doing a good job. I think you should phrase it differently, kinder.

Sebas Peñaranda: Tell me, doctor, how would you phrase it?

[18:00] Honesty Without Hurting Your Partner

Dr. Bawa: I think it needs to be said in a kinder way because I think we need to be more, I think, more aware of the effect of our words on people. I think if we are kinder to people in how we say things, we can have a better impact on how things change, versus you say something that's hurtful or can be perceived that way, and then you develop other problems in the relationship.

Sebas Peñaranda: I agree, but I also think that if you feel a certain type of way, you should express it.

Dr. Bawa: I'm not saying be dishonest.

Sebas Peñaranda: Yes, even if it could be hurtful to the other person, because then you just have built-up resentment, and that could also cause many problems in the relationship.

Dr. Bawa: But you could say it nicely, right, and still be conveying your point.

Sebas Peñaranda: I think we can maybe get to a compromise here, doctor. You know, I think we're saying the same exact thing.

Dr. Bawa: I think we're saying the same thing. What can I say? I'm just such a nice person.

Sebas Peñaranda: Yeah, exactly. Like, we're just kind souls telling the world how to live a beautiful life.

Dr. Bawa: There you go.

[19:59] Sex Work, Strip Clubs and the ER

Dr. Bawa: Now, something interesting that I found out recently was that strip clubs are having an issue recruiting women because they are doing online chat rooms and making more money.

Sebas Peñaranda: Yeah, because you have clientele all over the world, all over the country, that you could access at any time, and they probably pay better than your pimp at the strip club.

Dr. Bawa: Your pimp at the strip club. Now, you know the stripper is going to be upset. They're going to say, We're not prostitutes.

Sebas Peñaranda: Yeah, I know, because terminology is always a big deal for a lot of people. But if you have a boss and he's controlling how much income you make, you know, and he's giving you a certain percentage of your earnings, that's basically a pimp by definition.

Dr. Bawa: Well, a pimp is a manager.

Sebas Peñaranda: Many women that— He'd just simply be working at a Denny's. He'd just go home and make a couple extra hundred, if not a couple extra thousand a week, simply by just getting a little naked on a camera.

Dr. Bawa: Boy, oh boy. One night in the ER, you know, back when I used to work in the ER, there was a pimp who brought in his five employees. You know, we're not going to say any derogatory terms, but his five women he brought with him. They all had STDs, and it was apparently hurting business. So he wanted them taken care of. He brought them. So it was very funny.

Sebas Peñaranda: Yeah, because business produces money, and money is time.

Dr. Bawa: I know, and those vaginas were a little skanky. He needed to fix that.

Sebas Peñaranda: Yeah, he needed a good product for the customer.

Dr. Bawa: Yeah, good product indeed. So that was funny. I said something about, you know, I didn't realize he was a pimp initially, and I said something to him about his partner. You know, you don't know, so in the ER what to say sometimes, because, you know, you call them the wife, then the wife shows up, and, you know, it's just, it's a shit show so many times. So I just said, you know, your partner, and he says, She's not my partner. I'm her pimp. And I went, Oh, okay. I'm sorry.

Sebas Peñaranda: I like how proud he was of that.

Dr. Bawa: He was very proud. So that was startling to me because I would have thought he would try to keep it hush-hush.

Sebas Peñaranda: Oh, hell no. He wanted people to know he was the man. Because that's very, that's very powerful to a man when he has access to women, you know, because having access to women is, to a degree, a show of status for a man. I have access to all these women. I have the access to all the money. I have the access to all the materialistic things that everyone desires. I am the man, you know, because a man of value traditionally wouldn't have access to that many women. So the fact that he does indicates to other people that this guy has something about him.

[22:00] Porn, Status and Male Validation

Dr. Bawa: Yeah. No, it's interesting. I just, it's, you know, I've had experiences with it in my career in medicine in different ways. And now it's come full circle, and I have a podcast episode that's literally titled How to Get a Pornstar Penis. I said it tongue in cheek, of course, but then somebody took it seriously. And during a consultation, he said, seriously said, he wasn't being funny, Will this much, you know, we were talking about how much we were going to put in, will this give me a pornstar penis? And I realized he was serious, that he didn't even see the humor in my title.

Dr. Bawa: And I explained to him, well, you know, we're talking a whole other size penis here. That's not even realistic. And also, what is a pornstar penis? You know, how big is big enough?

[23:10] Porn, Penis Size and Male Insecurity

Sebas Peñaranda: Yeah, I think that when you said earlier that women get very unrealistic expectations of how they should look, I think the biggest thing that a man gets is he gets unrealistic expectations on how big his penis should be to please a woman. And we talked about it a bit on the last episode that I came on about the length of penises and how women traditionally want a penis that's bigger than what a man can realistically offer. And pornography has exacerbated that to a different kind of degree. It has made society think that if you don't have this monster between your pants, then you'll never be able to satisfy a woman.

Sebas Peñaranda: You'll never be able to keep a woman by your side. And that could be, that could cause a lot of insecurity for men. I know it does in my generation of the Gen Zers. That causes a lot of insecurity for them, that their penis will never be big enough to really satisfy any woman, not just one or two, but any of them.

Dr. Bawa: You know, I do penis enlargement at my practice. I'm not giving men monster penises. But because I'm not doing implants, I refuse to do implants. It's just a matter of principle, because so much can go wrong with them, and they don't feel natural either. I don't care what anybody tells you. Penuma implants, when you have a Penuma implant, it's a silicone implant. It's all the rage nowadays, and you can literally feel the edges of it, you know, on the top and the bottom. So it goes right above the glans, you know, right above the head. It ends about there, and you can feel the edge.

Dr. Bawa: And on the top of the penis, where the penis begins, you can feel the edge there too. So I'm just thinking to myself, how exactly does that work out? You know, if a woman's trying to give you a blowjob, for instance, she's going to feel it. How is that pleasurable for anybody? And I actually experienced this because one of my patients came to me complaining about this. So he said, I don't like feeling this. So I said, Well, I'm not taking that implant out. He said, Okay, so can you fill around it? So that's basically what I did. I put in PRP to help build some more collagen.

Dr. Bawa: I also put in some filler to help me cover some of those edges. And he was happy. We had a great result. And then he came back and we did another round. So he's happy. But, you know, I'm not here to help people. I'm not here to promote a dysfunction. But there are men who need a bigger penis, and there are men who really want one for themselves, and they don't have necessarily unrealistic expectations. They're not looking to be porn stars. They just want to be a little bit bigger and feel better about themselves.

Dr. Bawa: And I feel that when they have more satisfaction with their penis size, they are more confident in life in general. And I can honestly tell you this is a fact. I've often said that penis size is not just about confidence in the bedroom. It's about confidence in the boardroom. And I have successful men. You would not think that penis size matters to them, but it does.

Sebas Peñaranda: How successful are we talking about?

Dr. Bawa: Not successful. Pretty damn successful. These are well-placed men in society.

Sebas Peñaranda: And you wouldn't think that it matters.

Dr. Bawa: Sure does. But, you know, they are happier after this, and most of them are doing it for themselves. That's the irony of it. And that's what matters, that they're doing it for themselves and not to please other people.

[25:30] Penile Enlargement, Confidence and Motivation

Dr. Bawa: But that's why I'm very careful when I do this. I ask a lot of questions. Even when I treat erectile dysfunction, I ask a lot of questions. I don't just do procedures. I want to understand the source of their dysfunction, because unless I understand the source of this dysfunction, I can't fix it.

Sebas Peñaranda: Agreed. I think that if you're going to engage in a certain activity where you want to enlarge your genitals, you want to get a big dick, you want to get a tighter pussy, all of that should happen because that's what's best for you, not because you think that, oh, it'll satisfy more people or, like, these people won't judge me as much. It should just be strictly because this is what you want and no one else.

Dr. Bawa: Exactly. And I think, for me, I just feel bad that some of these men are getting unrealistic expectations of what a penis should be. But, you know, a lot of those porn stars don't even have that porn star penis naturally. Those are implants, those are fillers, you know, this and that. It's not always how they really are.

[27:35] How Long Is Sex Supposed to Last?

Sebas Peñaranda: And also, like, another misconception that comes in is that pornography gives women the idea that a man can keep an erection for, like, two hours in any form of sexual intercourse without coming, you know, without ejaculating, and that sex should always be an hour.

Dr. Bawa: I've actually heard women say that sex should be an hour, like he should not have to ejaculate in an hour, which to me is crazy. Like, I don't know what kind of aliens they're having sex with.

[29:40] The Second Coming: Great Sex at 70

Dr. Bawa: You know, I'll tell you something funny, and this is 100% true. I have an episode that I recorded right towards the beginning, and it was called The Second Coming. And this is a couple that is 70 years old. And these two are having more sex than anybody else half their age, and he's lasting. And the interesting thing is that she came to me first, and I did vaginal rejuvenation for her. And then she told me that she had been widowed and she had just started dating somebody, and things weren't working so well.

Dr. Bawa: Okay, so we did a few different things like the O-shot, and I do a very specific kind of, you know, protocol for vaginal rejuvenation. We won't bore you with the details, but it works. So when she found the improvement that she was experiencing, she went and told her boyfriend—they were dating, they weren't married—she said, You know, I need you to go to this doctor. So he comes in. So then I do my erectile dysfunction treatments on him: P-shot, acoustic wave therapy, you know, a few different things I did with him. Because it's not like you're trying to throw the kitchen sink at it.

Dr. Bawa: It's just these different treatments have a synergistic effect. It's like a bucket with lots of holes. You're trying to plug as many as you can, and you plug them different ways. So he had a greater result. So now they were having great sex. I mean, crazy great sex. And she was lasting a long time. He was lasting a long time. She was having multiple orgasms. He was lasting crazy amounts of time. And when I had them on my podcast, I mentioned how much sex they were having, and she stopped me and she said, It's not just that we're having sex; we're having good sex.

Dr. Bawa: So sometimes you can have that kind of crazy great sex, but, you know, sometimes you just need to visit the doctor sex fairy for that, and then maybe it could become a reality.

Sebas Peñaranda: I love the promotion.

Dr. Bawa: No, no, but it's true. It's 100% true. It's, you know, you mentioned that, and none of this is scripted. We're just talking off the cuff.

Sebas Peñaranda: No, of course.

Dr. Bawa: You mentioned the one hour, you know, lasting an hour, and he's 70 years old. I think it's doable.

Sebas Peñaranda: It's doable. I think it's doable, but I think the expectation of how that should be every single time— It can't be every single time. —is very unrealistic. It can't happen with every man. Yes, I think because, again— It's an expectation that's being set. It's a precedent that's being established that every man should be able to last an hour, and they should be able to have the big penis. And if they can't deliver on both of those every single time, then they're no good. And I disagree with that.

Dr. Bawa: No, I disagree with that too. But I'm just saying that there's more help out there than you might have thought.

Sebas Peñaranda: Oh, agreed, agreed.

Dr. Bawa: Like, it's very possible.

Sebas Peñaranda: I think a good amount of time to have sex should be about 20 to 30 minutes. A good session should be 20 to 30 minutes, and boom, it's magic.

Dr. Bawa: And what about round two?

Sebas Peñaranda: Round two should last about the same.

Dr. Bawa: And how quickly should round two happen?

Sebas Peñaranda: It depends on how fast both of the partners can recover, and that's really determined by how round one went.

Dr. Bawa: You mean if it was really good, the guy is just like, I'm done.

Sebas Peñaranda: No, if it's really good, the guy should be like, I want to do it again.

Dr. Bawa: Oh yeah, but maybe he's just burnt out. That was a lot of work.

Sebas Peñaranda: If he's burnt out already, then, my man, get back to the gym, start squatting again, get that testosterone up, and I think you'll be ready for round two.

Dr. Bawa: Or call me.

Sebas Peñaranda: Yep, or call the doctor.

Dr. Bawa: You know, you're listening, so you know what to do.

Sebas Peñaranda: Yeah. So yeah, I think that 20, 30 minutes should be good. Foreplay not included. If we're including foreplay, then a good sexual session should be about an hour.

Dr. Bawa: Well, so then it comes to about an hour when it's all said and done.

Sebas Peñaranda: Because I think foreplay is very important. Again, porn is like, hey, instantly I'm rock solid, you're wet as a faucet, let's get to it.

[31:25] Porn as Foreplay and Swinging

Dr. Bawa: Well, you know, some people use porn as, you know, foreplay.

Sebas Peñaranda: And that's actually very interesting. I've never done that, actually. I've never, like, set that.

Dr. Bawa: They'll turn the TV on, and I hear this all the time because my patients talk to me about these things, because I ask these questions, you see, and that's their foreplay.

Sebas Peñaranda: Foreplay, watching other people have sex, that's something.

Dr. Bawa: That's something.

Sebas Peñaranda: Yeah, that's very interesting.

Dr. Bawa: But, you know, it depends on the subset of population you're dealing with too, because for swingers, that's a turn-on.

Sebas Peñaranda: Of course, of course.

Dr. Bawa: Because they'll go to live events, and some of them indulge, and some of them just watch. So there are people for whom that is a legitimate turn-on, and more power to them. Who am I to judge?

Sebas Peñaranda: Yeah, of course. Like, we're not judging here. It is whatever works for them. It's very interesting to hear them. You know, this is what gets people going, you know, because as a guy that comes from a very traditional Catholic background, this isn't, you know, the kinds of things that I'm expecting people to do. So it's interesting to realize that people are doing them. It's interesting to see how people are engaging with the world around them and learning more things about it and what makes them make these decisions.

[33:00] Sexual Culture, Voyeurism and Brazil

Dr. Bawa: And, you know, you are from Latin America. I was having dinner with a friend last night. She's from Latin America, from Brazil, actually. Wow. And she mentioned beautiful Brazilian woman. Brazilian women. Yep, I'm telling you. And she was talking to me about what else but sex. I mean, I'm Dr. Sex. Everybody talks to me about sex. Sometimes I say, Can we talk about sports instead? But anywho, so we got talking about my sex toy line, which is being developed as we speak. And she said, you know, in Brazil, it's a very different culture. It's very sex-positive and very sexually open.

Dr. Bawa: And she said that they have motels there that people go to, and it's not considered sleazy, but you rent out a motel for four hours, eight hours, whatever, and you can have a nice dinner there. You can have a nice hot tub. She said they used to go to one that had a disco built into their suite, and they could dance. I just was surprised. And she said, This was surprising to me. She said there are also places where you can go where you can watch other people having sex but not be seen yourself. So there are people who are exhibitionists. They like people watching them.

Dr. Bawa: They get off on that. And then there are people who like to watch other people having sex but don't want to be seen themselves. So it takes all kinds.

Sebas Peñaranda: It's all aspects taken into account. Everyone has a different thing that gets them turned on. Everyone gets off in a different way, and I think that's good. You know, as much as people might want to judge one way or the other, which way is better, I think all of them have a purpose, you know. And if it satisfies a certain individual, if that's what gets them going, hey, good for you.

Dr. Bawa: That's what I'm saying. Most strokes—I mean, what was I saying? Different strokes for different folks. I'm losing my train of thought here. Most strokes. Different strokes for different folks. You get the point.

Sebas Peñaranda: I do get the point.

Dr. Bawa: I do get the point. I also get the point that, again— Foreplay is taken into account for most people.

[34:01] Women Need More Time

Dr. Bawa: It takes women more time.

Sebas Peñaranda: It does take women more time. You know, people need to realize that men are built differently than women, and women are built differently than men. Women take a long time to please. But I'll tell you what, if you please a woman, she's not going anywhere.

Dr. Bawa: That's right.

Sebas Peñaranda: She's staying. She's staying. You know, so my man, if you're listening to this, do your job right. Do what you have to do, and she will stay with you for the rest of your life. You know, it's nice when you have an old couple walking together, holding hands, clearly still connected.

Dr. Bawa: It's a beautiful thing.

Sebas Peñaranda: It is.

Dr. Bawa: It is. To think about how much life they've been through.

Sebas Peñaranda: Yeah. You know, think about how much they've gone through together, the adversities, the challenges, the ups, the downs. That's something that motivates me, you know, to find a good quality woman for myself.

Dr. Bawa: Well, hopefully I'll do better with round two myself.

Sebas Peñaranda: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dr. Bawa: God willing.

Sebas Peñaranda: God willing.

Dr. Bawa: No, I'm taking my time finding husband number two.

Sebas Peñaranda: That's a fact. As you should. As you should. Make sure he does foreplay.

Dr. Bawa: Oh, I'll make sure.

[35:20] Closing

Dr. Bawa: Well, my friend, thank you so much for coming.

Sebas Peñaranda: No, thank you.

Dr. Bawa: We had a great conversation again, and let's do this sometime soon.

Sebas Peñaranda: I'm very much looking forward to it. Thank you again for having me.

Dr. Bawa: Absolutely. So, my listeners, I hope you enjoyed this podcast, and tune in for more next time.

[35:31] Recorded Outro

Dr. Bawa: I hope you enjoyed the Dr. Sex Fairy Podcast today. I would love to continue this conversation with you. If you would like my top three secrets for amazing sex, send me an email at askme@drsexfairy.com, and I will share them with you. Don't forget to follow this podcast and leave me a five-star review. Until next time.