Ep. 159: Nobody Wants This Until They Do: Faith, Love & Breaking Bias

[00:02] Opening Excerpt

Ep. 159: Nobody Wants This Until They Do: Faith, Love & Breaking Bias

Host: Dr. Kanwal Bawa | Guest: David | Runtime: 41:55 | Published: December 10, 2024

David: The way that she criticized her: “So you talk about sex? You make money by talking about that?” And it's interesting because it's such a I don't want to say archaic, but maybe an old school way of looking at things. Because now we can make money on influencing, we can make money on, you know, yeah, selling your body.

Dr. Bawa: You can be a foot model on OnlyFans.

David: You can be a foot model on OnlyFans. And a lot of people love to hear about other stories about sex.

[00:47] Welcome and Meet David

Dr. Bawa: Welcome to America's top sexuality podcast, Dr. Sex Fairy. I am Dr. Kanwal Bawa, America's favorite sex doctor, and I am here to transform your life. Today we are exploring some important themes discussed in the Netflix hit Nobody Wants This, starring Kristen Bell and Adam Brody. This thought-provoking show follows a romance between, of all people, a sex podcaster and a rabbi, highlighting the challenges of bias and the complexities of love that crosses boundaries. These themes resonate deeply with me because I too have faced the stigma of speaking openly about sex. In this episode, my guest and I will dive into how bias manifests, what it means to be in a relationship with someone of a different faith or culture, and the lessons this show offers about connection and acceptance.

Dr. Bawa: Stay tuned for a conversation that will change the way you see relationships and the world around us. Hi, David. Welcome to the Dr. Sex Fairy Podcast.

David: Hi, Dr. Sex Fairy. Thank you for having me.

Dr. Bawa: You didn't think when we met at that event that I'd drag you into the studio, did you?

David: Not at all.

Dr. Bawa: And here we are.

David: It's great to be here.

[02:04] Nobody Wants This and Interfaith Dating

Dr. Bawa: All right, my friend. Great to have you. So let's talk about the show Nobody Wants This. That's where this conversation began. And we talked about the sex podcaster and the rabbi in this very unconventional relationship. So, what are your thoughts about this crazy combination?

David: You know, first of all, it's a great show.

Dr. Bawa: It's a great show.

David: I've been talking to all my friends about it. It's interesting because I myself was just previously dating someone in the Catholic faith. Oh boy. So I relate it to the show 100%. It's very nice to see two individuals working together to make it work. And it seems like the female character had prior relationships that were just not working out. And when you find a Jewish man, it just seems to be working out. So that made me feel happy about that.

Dr. Bawa: And she found him, she was like mazel tov, baby.

David: Oh yeah. And celebrating the Sabbath and everything, lighting the candles. -huh. It's beautiful. It's really an a light-hearted, warm feeling of a show. When you feel it, you feel happy.

[03:14] Stigma Around Sex Podcasting

Dr. Bawa: It was very interesting for me because I am a sex podcaster. It's not all that I do, but it's a large part of what I do. So it was very interesting for me to see how people made assumptions about her, they judged her. The Jewish mom was not having it. It was very, very sad in a way.

David: Especially the Jewish mother, the way that she like criticized her for so you talk about sex, you make money by talking about that. And it's interesting because it's such a I don't want to say archaic, but maybe an old school way of looking at things. Because now we can make money on influencing, we can make money on, you know, yeah, selling your body.

Dr. Bawa: You can be a foot model on OnlyFans.

David: You can be a foot model on OnlyFans. And a lot of people love to hear about other stories about sex, either because they're not having sex or because there is a lack of, you know, curiosity. That's the one thing that people love to hear about is other people's stories. And the sex podcast realm, it's booming, in my opinion, because the stories are something that either A, they can't believe something like that is happening, or B, it's just entertaining. I mean, remember when Howard Stern came on to the scene? The shock jock. The shock jock, yeah. It was entertaining to us because we've never heard something like that.

Dr. Bawa: And he's a very intelligent man.

David: Absolutely.

Dr. Bawa: Incredibly intelligent, very bright. And some of the things he says are very thought-provoking. Some are completely opposite of what I would think or believe, but I can still respect his intelligence. And everybody assumes that because he has a very naughty show, that maybe he's not that smart and nothing could be further from the truth. And he's Jewish, by the way.

David: Yes, he is.

Dr. Bawa: Howard Stern.

[05:14] The “Ick,” Ghosting, and Modern Dating

David: He's one of the, I would say, icons of the Hebrew faith. What did you think of their dynamic, of how they were talking about their dating lifestyles? The one thing I love is the ick. And it's interesting because women have this perception of men. They see us, and if we do something wrong, we're terrified of doing that one thing that gives them the ick, and then it's over in an instant. You don't hear any responses to your text messages, you don't get any callbacks. It's what we call ghosting.

Dr. Bawa: I hate ghosting. I think ghosting is such an awful thing to do to another person.

David: It's so bad.

Dr. Bawa: It's so awful.

David: Yeah.

Dr. Bawa: Just say, “You know, this isn’t working. I wish you well.” Why do people ghost?

David: I think it's one today, we're afraid of conflict. We're afraid of hurting someone's feelings. But at the same time, you know, it's the it's not you, it's me of today's day and age. Rather than actually saying that phrase, we don't know what to say because we're being taught not to be, I would say, assertive in your feelings because we don't want to offend anyone. So when we're turning down someone, it's the number one way to hurt someone's feelings.

Dr. Bawa: While I'm all for not hurting someone's feelings, I think this hypocrisy is my ick.

David: Yeah. Yeah.

[06:45] How the Dr. Sex Fairy Podcast Grew

Dr. Bawa: And you were talking about the world of sex podcasts booming. You know, this was never a plan for me. I never planned to be a sex podcaster, or I would have done it many, many years sooner. I fell into this because my patients are coming to me from all around the world and all different time zones. And at some point, I need at least a few hours of sleep a night. And they have questions. I can't always email every single person from all over the world. So I said, you know, let me start a podcast and let me answer some of their questions, and they can listen to it at their own leisure. Well, I built it and they came, and then they came, and then they came from six continents, and 210 countries and territories later, 14,300 cities later, here we are.

David: Isn't that amazing? Wonderful. What's the saying? If you build it, they will come. It's absolutely come to fruition. By the way, this is a beautiful office, and I'm really happy to be here talking about this.

Dr. Bawa: Thank you so much.

David: Absolutely. You know, one thing I would love to ask is: how is it having a sex podcast and having a medical practice at the same time? Does that negatively affect you and your community, or is that something that they see as empowering?

[08:04] Sex, Medicine, and Social Stigma

Dr. Bawa: Both. There are people who say, Wow, good for you. And then there are people who say, “Why is a good girl like you doing something like this?” And that's exactly why I do this, because of that assumption. I am a medical doctor, I am not doing anything erotic on this podcast. Not that there's necessarily anything wrong with eroticism, but this isn't where you come to get it. I have no nonsense, frank and science-based discussions about sex, sexuality, relationships. I talk about emotions, I talk about wellness, because sex isn't just sex. As I often say, your most important sex organ is your brain. And that's where the podcast comes in. These discussions are important, they need to be had. And while the world of sex podcasts is booming, quality is lacking. And I think that what I do is very important.

Dr. Bawa: And that's why this podcast, without any advertising, without any real plan, without any real direction, except I just kept doing one podcast after another, and it just took off. There's a reason why it's taken off. There's a reason why it's become a movement because this conversation isn't being had elsewhere. So to me, it's a very, very good thing. To me, this is a very important thing. It's a very important part of my life. I'll give you an example. I was in Savannah, Georgia, checking into a hotel, and I saw the check-in clerk look at me a little funny. And it was that look of, I think I know her.

David: We've met somewhere.

Dr. Bawa: We've met somewhere. I get that look a lot nowadays, and I knew exactly what was coming. So she's checking me in. I give her my credit card and my ID. She looks at it, looks at me, and says, “Oh my God, you’re Dr. Sex Fairy.” It was hilarious.

David: That has to be a great feeling.

Dr. Bawa: She was excited.

[10:00] Why Sex Is Still So Taboo

David: You know, I wanted to ask you like, I know in the Western world we all have sex, we all love sex. There's sex stores with all these different toys and gadgets, but yet, why is it such a taboo thing to discuss about it? To actually open up about emotions and feelings and that connection. The moment you talk to anyone about it, oh, you don't talk about that. Those are things that it's in the closet. Yet all your politicians are doing it. Your parents did it to make you, but we don't discuss it.

Dr. Bawa: It's actually a global issue. I know we're big hypocrites here in the US about sex and sexuality. God knows I deal with this on a daily basis. But I was in Italy not that long ago, and I was at the Spanish steps in Rome with a cameraman and a mic, and I wanted to just talk to people and have interesting conversations, get their point of view. And a lot of people would talk to me, but say, hey, if it's okay with you, I don't want that actually published anywhere.

David: Hide my face.

Dr. Bawa: Hide my face. Well, it's a video. What do you want me to do? Black out your face? That defeats the whole defeats the whole purpose of getting you on video.

David: An honest interview.

Dr. Bawa: That's the thing. So these people didn't want to be on video. They had some pretty interesting discussions with me, including a guy who talked to me about how he was gay. And I thought we had a wonderful conversation. Then he came running after me and my cameraman and said, Oh, by the way, I know I gave you consent, but I don't want that released. So by the end of it, I didn't have enough good content to really do anything with it.

David: Right.

Dr. Bawa: I thought that was very interesting. In the world of, you know, this naked statue and that naked statue, they didn't even want to talk about sexuality. Even the straight people didn't want to talk about it.

David: Especially how much sexuality you see on the television ads and TV, movies, even when you're looking through a magazine. Now when you're stopping at a bus stop, there's like completely Victoria's Secrets models hanging out.

Dr. Bawa: Yeah, but God forbid we talk about it.

David: God forbid we talk about it. Or it, you know, a lot of men right now are not having sex. God forbid we talk about that.

[12:13] Sexless Relationships and Keeping the Spark Alive

Dr. Bawa: You know, yes, do you know 20% of couples in the US have sexless marriages?

David: I it's that's a lot of people. It's one of the scariest stats I think about when getting married. I don't know why. I don't know what's the cause of it. Do the people fall out of attraction to each other? Do they lose the romance? Do they no longer love each other? It's something as myself, I'm thinking about getting married, and I'm just like one of the list items of not to mess up. Make sure I keep my relationship romantic. Make sure that I touch her. Make sure that I tell her I think she's the sexiest woman that I can know. Just because I love sex and I love sex in my relationships. I'm I'm one of those people who, if you're not having sex in your relationship, something's wrong.

Dr. Bawa: Absolutely.

David: Yeah. It's maybe it's my little monkey brain thinking that, but it's something to me that and I know some other people, you know, they you talk to them and they go, and I think they're intellectuals, where they say maybe they have sex once a month and they're okay with that.

Dr. Bawa: But that's unfortunate. I think you have to keep the spark alive. I think you have to work at it, but I don't think that a good relationship should have to be a project. You know, Julia Roberts once said, ladies, you should want a partner, not a project, something to that effect.

[13:41] Connection: The Six-Second Kiss and 20-Second Hug

David: Yeah.

Dr. Bawa: But it stayed with me, that comment. I don't want a project in my own life. And when a relationship becomes a project, something starts to go. And I think the sex is a natural victim in that situation. It's definitely going to get affected. But if you continue to honor your partner, if you continue to tell them you find them attractive, have time that you spend with them, not just on your phone watching TV together. You know how couples watch TV but they're both on their phones?

David: Oh yeah.

Dr. Bawa: Where's the connection? I released a podcast episode a few months ago about the six-second kiss and the 20-second hug. Now, when you think about it initially, it seems so ridiculous, right? Just a six-second kiss, that seems entirely too short. A 20-second hug? Really? That's all we want to hug for? But if you think about it, when people are running in and out of their homes in the morning, a quick peck is a lot less than six seconds. And if they hug at all, if you actually get in a hug and start counting down 20 seconds, it's not that short a time period. So if you can give your partner a six-second kiss at the beginning of the day and a 20-second hug, I'll bet you'll be having better sex than the neighbors.

David: I bet you that the connection level would be through the roof. A six-second kiss. That's very profound.

Dr. Bawa: It's small, it's simple.

David: Simple.

Dr. Bawa: But it makes a difference.

David: Yeah, it to me hearing that already makes me want to do that with my significant other.

Dr. Bawa: So there you go.

[15:20] Porn, Fantasy, and Expectations

David: Yeah.

Dr. Bawa: Don't be scared.

David: No, not at all.

Dr. Bawa: It's a way.

David: You know, and a lot of people, maybe that's what it is. They just get so inundated with their phones. And I think this is going to sound crazy, but I think porn has a huge negative impact on relationships because it's such an easy drug. It's such an easy candy to swallow, where we consume it and then we don't have an urge with our significant other. I'm not saying that's why we have partners, but it's one of the joys that we can share with each other because when we first locked eyes, we thought that person was hot. We thought that person was an irresistible piece of candy. And then somewhere around the line, that changed.

Dr. Bawa: That changed. But you know, some couples actually enjoy watching porn together.

David: Yes.

Dr. Bawa: And that's okay, I think, as long as it doesn't go too far, as long as they don't get too wrapped up in it. I always say that porn should be seen as a form of entertainment, not education.

David: Yeah.

Dr. Bawa: So don't try to replicate what you're seeing in porn movies in real life. You'll be sorely disappointed.

David: Especially the delivery man is probably not that well hung.

Dr. Bawa: Yes, and you know how they have those you know, those TV shows about hot doctors and everything.

David: Oh, yeah.

Dr. Bawa: I feel so gypped. Where the hell were they when I was in residency?

David: They were the hot teachers.

Dr. Bawa: I know. I mean, they're selling such a fantasy.

David: It's and then, and like I was saying, about that's what people love to consume is that fantasy. And when they hear probably all your stories, that's exactly what they're thinking. Is we're all dirty minds, but we don't want to act on it. Oh, heavens no, that's not me. But boy, can we imagine it? And our imagination runs wild.

[17:09] Biases About Sex Podcasters and Jewish Men

Dr. Bawa: Yes, and I think people make a lot of assumptions about sex doctors, sex podcasters, they think we're having wild orgies. They think, oh my god, they're morally corrupt. Oh, and it's so untrue.

David: And there's assumptions about Jewish men all the time.

Dr. Bawa: Oh, yes, yeah.

David: The assumptions about Jewish men I've heard all the time. Either A, we're great boyfriends and great husbands; B, we're completely walk-over-able - you can definitely order us around and we have no backbone; and then C, we're all wimpy, with allergies, not athletic. But we're diverse. We have two sets of Jewish people. You have your Ashkenazi European Jews, and then you have your Sephardic Middle Eastern, North African Jewish people. And those are the people that you see do really extreme stuff and who are really rugged. It's interesting because I've always been the butt of jokes, like, “Hey, there's a quarter. Go grab it.” And I laugh with it, but that's one thing that I've never understood, is where we're the lovers. Like, where did that come from? And I know I'm a huge lover.

David: I wear my heart on my sleeve, especially in my relationships.

[18:27] Jewish Culture, Relationships, and Stereotypes

Dr. Bawa: And that's a wonderful thing. There are a lot of assumptions people make about Jewish men. They assume that they make very good husbands. Now, if I look at my friends who are married to Jewish men, I think that is actually true. I hear that they're frugal. I don't know about that. I see Jewish men who make wonderful members of society. They are involved. They are not necessarily the Michael Jordans of the world, but they are very hard-working members of society doing good things.

David: You know, that's just something that I believe in our religion, in our culture: we respect our women and we treat them like they're the goddess of our world. Because at the end of the day, they're the mother of our children, and that's a beautiful thing. And we want to make sure that they're secure. So that's why it's funny. The joke is a Jewish guy is either a lawyer, doctor, or accountant, and we always strive to become successful in whatever venture we're doing. If it's distribution, you always hear he's doing warehouse goods and intercontinental sales. If he's an accountant, he's doing really well at Ernst & Young or BDO. If he's a doctor, he's a great surgeon. He has an office and a practice.

David: You know, it's of course, there's always bad apples everywhere. But I think in the grand scheme of things, it to find a Jewish man, you're lucky. Very lucky.

[20:00] Pleasure, Partnership, and the Mitzvah

Dr. Bawa: My friends are definitely happy campers. They are not looking to replace their men. And the other thing that makes Jewish men different is that it's your mitzvah, your duty to have sex with your wife and satisfy her.

David: Isn't that amazing?

Dr. Bawa: That is amazing. Unique concept.

David: Yeah. And you know, I think it's interesting because I know a lot of people don't have the idea, at least among my friends, to please their wife. For myself, that's one thing I love to make sure of: that I satisfy my wife, make sure she has an orgasm. And I understand that sometimes you have to bring toys in, but you know what? That's the caring part, that you show that you care for your significant other. And for a lot of people, it's hard to believe that sometimes women don't get off with just thrusting. Some people need, what do you call it, vibration on the clitoris area.

Dr. Bawa: Yes, yes, because most women, yes, most women orgasm externally, not with penetration. That's another remnant of pornography. Now, I'm not here to diss pornography, I'm really not, but it gives people an unrealistic view of what pleasure is and how to get your partner there. And most women are going to orgasm from really slow oral sex that's taking, you know, you're taking your time, you're relaxed, she's relaxed.

David: You mean not mimicking a rabbit?

Dr. Bawa: No, no, no. Not mimicking a rabbit, or a jackhammer.

David: Or a jackhammer, yeah. Yeah. It's and then this is the problem is that we have a false sense of what interactions are. Because even when you watch movies about sex, there's like this whole as soon as they look at each other, they're having sex. And it's like, okay, and you really look at it. Are you inserting it when she's completely dry and completely damaging her? That's not. You know, pleasurable. There's a game to it. You have to, and I like to say this turn on the oven and make sure it's warm before you put in the meatloaf.

[22:10] Foreplay, Pleasure, and Sex Education

Dr. Bawa: That's very well said. Very well said. You know, women need about 20, 25 minutes of foreplay before they're ready to get it going. And men, of course, need a lot less time than that. So therein lies the problem. So if the man isn't aware of her needs, he's not going to pleasure her. And if he's not pleasuring her, she's not going to want to give it up very often, is she?

David: Right.

Dr. Bawa: So by giving her a good time, he actually ensures himself a good time more often.

David: Yeah. It's it's such an easy cycle, but the problem is, is there's no education on this.

Dr. Bawa: There isn't. And even sex ed in schools is very perfunctory. Oh my God. It's just about, hey, sex gives you STDs, don't do it. Or this is how you don't get pregnant. That's it.

David: I was so terrified in my college years that I was scared to go on dates. I was scared to kiss a random girl. I thought everybody had an STD. Oh my gosh, this is funny. The first time I kissed a random girl, immediately after it happened, I got into a panic attack of, “Oh my gosh, she kissed me. She must have herpes. She must have something. I'm going to die. That's it. It's over.” And nothing happened. And I was just stunned that these classes, all they teach you is, “Beware of this, beware of that, wear condoms.” And of course condoms are great, but they definitely hamper the activity. You can't feel things as much. But it's good for protection and safety.

David: But the thought of everybody's carrying a disease or some type of infection, that's what they instill is the fear factor. The fear factor. And I was scared straight. I'll tell you, I was focusing on my studies and video games and hanging out with my friends. But yeah, the education, it's we need something like this. And the podcast that you're doing is great. And that's why people are listening, because not only do they want to hear the stories, but they want to get educated. People love to learn. That's why YouTube is such an amazing tool right now. Everyone's researching how do I do this? How do I do that? And when you have a podcast that talks about sex, what do I do when this happens? How do I get my partner off by this? Or my partner doesn't know what my fetish are. How do I explain that? I think that's the big thing.

[24:46] The Podcast as Sexual Education

Dr. Bawa: And I have episodes about all of these things. I literally have an episode titled, Why Her Sex Toy is Your Best Friend.

David: Yeah.

Dr. Bawa: And I have an episode about Kink and Fetish, about bisexuality, because bisexuality, believe it or not, is the largest group of LGBTQ.

David: Really?

Dr. Bawa: Yeah. And they are less likely to come out in front of their family and friends because they are embarrassed.

David: Yeah, I can see that.

Dr. Bawa: Because gays are gays, lesbians are lesbians, but the bisexuals are attacked by both sides.

David: Yeah. They're in the backseat of the car, aren't they? Yeah, it's interesting how that happened. And you know, it's interesting because it's the year 2024, and you think everything would be open, but it's it's still not. It's still not accepted.

Dr. Bawa: I'm not here to judge anyone. I'm not here to promote anything. I'm just here to have a conversation.

David: Yeah.

Dr. Bawa: And that's why when you and I were at that event talking about this show, I said, listen, we need to have this discussion on the podcast. I'm doing that more and more nowadays because I have such interesting conversations out in the world that I'm I'm so greedy. I want them on my podcast. I want to capture them forever.

David: Yeah. Because it's that genuine type of conversation that you're having. It's not something that's staged. It's not something that I'm reading off of a script; it's actual people. And that's what we love. Can I ask: is it hard for men to come out and tell you that they have issues with their erections?

[26:21] Why Men Delay Seeking Help

Dr. Bawa: Yes and no. Some men will watch my TikToks for years. They will listen to this podcast for years, and then finally they will feel liberated to do it. Some men have been suffering from erectile issues or lack of libido, because everybody thinks lack of libido is a female issue. Women don't want sex. But I'm here to tell you, plenty of men aren't wanting it either. And they're women do. And there's a lot of negativity around that. The partner who doesn't want sex is being vilified. So I have people who will watch me and listen to me for years and then finally come and say, I don't know what I was waiting for. I will have people who have already waited for so long, suffered for so long, that the minute they figure out that I exist in the world, they're stumbling over each other to just get to a phone to call me. So I have both extremes.

Dr. Bawa: And when they come in, they're actually very startled. And I do a lot of virtual consultations as well. They're very startled when I ask them very detailed questions. I ask them, “Do you masturbate?” And there's usually a silence because they're embarrassed. But then, you know, at that point I have built a rapport with them and they're very honest with me. They'll tell me yes or no. Then I ask them, if they say no, I say, “Why?” Some of them aren't masturbating for religious reasons. Or some of them just don't get hard. And then some men can't get hard in a relationship setting but are masturbating just fine. So that tells me the relationship is the issue, or that there's some psychological factor there, not necessarily a physical factor.

David: Right.

Dr. Bawa: Well, there's probably some element of a physical factor, I'm sure, because blockages build up in most men, most women, but it's primarily a psychological issue. So I have these very detailed conversations with them. At the end of it, they're telling me their whole life story.

David: Oh, yeah.

Dr. Bawa: Things you know that qualify as TMI in many cases. I hear it all.

David: Now, an interesting follow-up question: you're seeing these, I would call them, third-party brands selling over-the-counter Viagra? I know I get tons of advertising on my Instagram, Facebook, and when I'm scrolling through the internet. It's either hair loss, or get your enhancement pills, or get a three-in-one. It does everything. It does testosterone, it does male enhancement, and it does hair loss. And I'm just like, when did these drugs become allowed or so easily accessible that now you can just text someone or call someone and then have these delivered to you?

[29:02] Easy Access to ED Medication: What Gets Missed

Dr. Bawa: It's scary because now you can text people and get the medication delivered to your doorstep. And I asked one of my patients, who did you talk to about this? And he said, “I didn’t actually talk to anybody.” So I was a little confused. I said, “What do you mean you didn’t talk to anybody?” He said, “It was a chat window. They asked me my symptoms, I told them, and that was it.” I said, “That’s it? You didn’t even talk to somebody over the phone?” “No.” And they delivered my medication to my house.

David: Now I have to ask you, Dr. Sex Fairy, wouldn't this be a good thing that men who have obviously are ish has issues, they're getting access to this. So why would this be a concerning thing?

Dr. Bawa: It's a concerning thing because it's not fixing the problem.

David: Interesting.

Dr. Bawa: The number one reason behind erectile problems is blockages in blood vessels. When there are blockages in blood vessels, they are going to get worse. Period. End of story. The problem is that it's a band-aid, it's not fixing the problem. Viagra and Cialis are just artificially dilating your blood vessels, giving you, in some cases, a bit of an erection, in some cases a good erection, but it's temporary because they're not solving the problem, which is blockages most of the time. Right. These blockages get worse. And so people say, well, Viagra used to work for me, now it doesn't.

David: Wow.

Dr. Bawa: Well, Viagra is still probably working. It's just your blockage is so bad that now there's not enough blood flow around that blockage.

David: Wow.

Dr. Bawa: It's a bump in the road. It's a major bump in the road.

David: And now when I hear now, when I hear blockage, is this like some type of like same thing as a heart attack or stroke where you know fatty cells are basically?

Dr. Bawa: Plaque builds up. It's the same exact concept. Wow. And blood vessels in your penis are often smaller than those in your heart. And it's very interesting. A man may not notice a little bit of shortness of breath, a little bit of chest pressure, a little bit of discomfort every now and then. He'll attribute it to other things. But if that penis isn't getting hard, damn, he's noticing that.

David: Oh, absolutely.

Dr. Bawa: There's no missing that. So I tell people that if your penis isn't working well, you'd better get yourself to a cardiologist too, because you want to make sure that your heart is okay.

David: Right.

[31:17] Erectile Dysfunction, Heart Health, and Overall Health

Dr. Bawa: And, you know, they think the erection issue is going to kill them. They're convinced it will, but it's the heart.

David: It's not. It's so profound to think that I'm sure you've seen it where you ask the question: are you working out? Are you doing some type of cardiovascular workout? It's interesting, and we've never heard that before. And I'm sure you're seeing a huge parallel with people's diets. What are they consuming? Sugary drinks and everything like that. That probably doesn't help.

Dr. Bawa: It does not help. And diabetics, they have their own set of problems. People who have hypertension, high blood pressure, they have their own set of problems. People who are depressed are on antidepressants, and they should be. Yeah. But then some antidepressants also cause side effects.

David: Oh, yeah.

Dr. Bawa: But then again, if you have depression and you don't want to have sex, well, then that's a whole other problem, too. Right. So it's a catch-22 situation.

David: Yeah, and I think that's the problem with the American pharmaceutical industry. I'm not here to talk about this, but it's not to fix people, it's not to heal people, it's to put the Band-Aid on, like you said. It's interesting that you said there are patients taking Viagra and it's not working. If I was that patient, I would be terrified. Because I know myself: if my guy is not working down there, there's a problem. One of the scariest fears I have - I don't have a fear of heights - is not being able to satisfy my partner, and then they get satisfaction outside of the relationship. Because you see it on television and you see it in these movies where the wife is in a happy marriage, but just not satisfied.

David: And then there's this guy and he satisfies her, and then it's just ugh, it's one of my worst.

Dr. Bawa: Yeah, but you know, you'll drive yourself crazy if you think that way.

David: Absolutely.

Dr. Bawa: You'll absolutely drive yourself batshit crazy.

David: Yeah.

[33:21] Cheating, Faking Orgasms, and the Orgasm Gap

Dr. Bawa: Because in reality, men cheat, women cheat, but that doesn't mean your partner will cheat. And I think cheating is a symptom of a bigger problem, not just sex. Because if you are otherwise in a good relationship, but the sex isn't all that, you can get help together. You can fix that problem nine times out of ten.

David: See, and that's the beautiful thing because people don't know this. They don't know this. I see that in entertainment, and it's just like, ah, shock. But listening to your podcast, there are other ways. Like you said, when you're watching these porn videos, it's a fantasy. One of the biggest examples I've heard was also in the Seinfeld episode, where she fakes the orgasm. And Elaine, the character, she's like, “Oh yeah, I've done that all the time.”

Dr. Bawa: Women do it all the time, and it makes me so mad because who are you helping? No one. You are not helping yourself, you're not helping him, you're not you're not being kind to him because you are giving him the impression that what he's doing is working, and the poor fellow is going to keep doing it more and more, and it's not helping you, you're not going to want sex, he's not fulfilled. Who's winning? Nobody's winning. The orgasm gap is a real thing, but I blame women just as much as I blame their partners. If men don't know female anatomy and that the clitoris is important and that oral sex or foreplay is so important, I blame the women too. They're not telling their men what they want. How do you expect him to read your damn mind?

David: Right. And that's the thing. We all assume that you can. And that's the worst thing that we need to work on in our relationships, that communication barrier. Talking. I think with six seconds of kissing and 20 seconds of hugging, there should always be a rule of maybe five to ten minutes of conversation.

[35:19] Communication Lessons From Nobody Wants This

Dr. Bawa: Yes, and in that show we are talking about in this episode, he is such a good communicator, even better than the podcaster who talks for a living.

David: Right.

Dr. Bawa: Because she's got her own psychoses, but he's helping her work through them.

David: Yeah, it's beautiful because he has an ability to calm her down and discuss things and just accept it, saying, “Listen, I know your family is crazy,” which—that family is bonkers.

Dr. Bawa: I know.

David: And she he reassures her that listen, we all have our crazies.

Dr. Bawa: I mean, he his family's crazy too, just differently. Oh my gosh, with mom eating prosciutto in the kitchen and everything.

David: Wasn't that amazing?

Dr. Bawa: Oh my god, that was that was epic.

David: I did not see that coming, how she walked out to that kitchen. Spoilers, by the way. And I thought she was going to announce it, but the way she handled it, very cool, very cool, and that's what I'm saying. When you watch that show, it just gives you that nice feeling that, like, you know, these people will be okay. We'll be okay. I can't wait for season two.

Dr. Bawa: I know, I can't wait.

David: The sister and the brother dynamic with the loser sibling.

Dr. Bawa: He's a fun guy, the brother is so much fun. Oh, absolutely, and it just shows you like you know, you can have relationships like that where it's just good hearting conversations, and friendships, and friendships, even within the couple, because too often we focus on just the sex, the romance, and not the friendship, because the friendship is the glue, yeah. The rest is icing, right?

[36:56] Friendship as the Glue in Long-Term Relationships

David: Right. And you know, that I think is the key point if you want sex in your marriage and you want not to be there, is be that friend and keep when you call your friend, you make sure, hey, how are you doing? You know, what's going on in your life?

Dr. Bawa: And I think it really connect.

David: Really connect. And I think that's I heard that you know, some partners had issues where they've been raising the kids, they've been going to work, and then they look at their significant other after 18 years when the kids go off to college and then they look at each other and they go, Who the hell are you? When I married you, you weighed 50 pounds less, you had hair when I saw you. It was you had blonde, glowing hair, and now you have dead split ends.

Dr. Bawa: Well, they need to come to me. I'll fix their hair, I'll fix their penis or their vagina, I'll fix their skin. Exactly. I'll fix it all. Exactly.

David: And I think that's the most important thing here, is that your podcast gives the education they're looking for. It gives them the ability to heal and the ability to move forward with their problems and issues. It gives answers to their questions, and that's the most important thing that we need right now because I work in family law, and the saddest thing to see is a breakup of a family. And I always say to myself, these people used to love each other. There was that one day when they first kissed, that first date where they couldn't wait to hear from them as soon as they went away in their other cars. What happened? That's the number one thing I always ask. And I know I'm not supposed to ask, but I ask, “What happened?” Because I just don't want that.

David: So as I'm gathering information of how to be the best man and how to be the best husband, it's always why? Why did they well?

Dr. Bawa: This is why your relationship will go well. I should rephrase that. One, you're making an effort, you're asking the right questions, and B, you listen to my podcast. Win-win. Hello. Ding ding ding ding ding.

David: Big win. Big win. I have to say, your podcasts are profound. It's really helped me a lot. And I've listened to it now for a week straight. They're fun.

Dr. Bawa: Okay then. See, I say it's fun, it's not boring.

David: No, it's entertaining. It's better than Call Her Daddy, in my opinion, because you're coming from a professional background and you tell it how it is. You're authentic in your own way, you're not boring like some other doctors are. You can tell you're having fun with it too. And that's the authentic part when people are on the internet and they're looking for content. We want authenticity. We don't want some generic corporate media, some guy coming in and telling you what to say. Generic.

Dr. Bawa: I am not.

David: Yeah. Then that's that's the best.

[40:01] Closing Thoughts With David

Dr. Bawa: Well, David, great conversation.

David: Absolutely. Thank you.

Dr. Bawa: Thank you for coming. This was awesome. I am so glad we got talking about a random show at a breast cancer event.

David: Yeah, it that's how it happens.

Dr. Bawa: That's how it happens.

David: Thank you for having me, and thank you for to all your listeners to listen. This is great.

Dr. Bawa: I'm going to have to have you back.

David: Please, I can't wait.

[40:24] Final Reflections: Love Beyond Judgment

Dr. Bawa: Thank you so much for being part of this conversation, inspired by the Netflix show Nobody Wants This. The show reminds us that love and connection require courage and a willingness to embrace the unknown. As we discussed today, overcoming bias and bridging divides can lead to some of the most meaningful relationships in our lives. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe to the Dr. Sex Fairy podcast and leave a five-star review. I read every single one of them. Share this episode with others and help spread my message of sexual and emotional wellness. For even more insightful content, follow me on TikTok at Dr. Sex Fairy, Instagram at the Real Dr. Sex Fairy, and YouTube at Dr. Sex Fairy. You can also visit drsexfairy.com to request a virtual or in office consultation by filling out the contact form.

Dr. Bawa: And you can always call me at 1877 Dr. Sex Fairy or 561-453-2020. I will end with this thought. We are all more alike than we are different. True love begins where judgment ends. Until next time.