Ep. 90: Why Alpha Women Want Alpha Men

Transcript

Host: Dr. Kanwal Bawa | Guest: Glenda Baker | Runtime: 31:18 | Published: March 28, 2023

00: 11 | Opening and Listener Review

Dr. Bawa: Welcome to America's number one sex podcast, Dr. Sex Fairy. I am Dr. Kanwal Bawa, America's favorite sex doctor, and I am here to transform your life as many of you are. I have a TikTok account called Dr. Sex Fairy that has over 110 million views at this time. This means that I spent a good amount of time on TikTok myself. Occasionally, I come across content that really resonates with me, and I want to discuss one such video. But first, let's discuss something that you can do for this podcast. Leaving a review on Apple Podcasts is an easy way for you to support the Dr. Sex Fairy Podcast and me person. It costs you nothing but a minute of your time, and it is these reviews that help a podcast grow. A five star review is great, but a few words can turn that five star review into a seven star.

02: 16 | Glenda Baker's TikTok on Chivalry

Glenda Baker (TikTok clip): We're going to a parking lot and there's a fee to park. I think that the guy gets there first and says, Hey, Mr. Parking attendant, there's a beautiful lady coming. She's gonna be driving a black Panamera. I'm gonna go ahead and pay for her parking. I'm meeting her here for dinner. That's what I think. I think that if I valet park my car when you take my ticket and hand it to the valet guy, which I'm sure that you're going to do cuz you were raised with some manners that you're also going to take care of the tip for the valet guy. Now maybe I'm just old fashioned, I don't need you to pay for my valet parking. I just think that it's kind of like sugary or something. I also. That you're going to say, I had a lovely evening with you. Please text me when you get home.

03: 52 | Meet Glenda Baker

Dr. Bawa: And today I have on the Dr. Sex Fairy podcast, Glenda Baker, the lady in that video, she is a realtor from Atlanta and a social media star. I can't wait to discuss the topic of alpha women who love gracious and chivalrous men, because being an alpha female. Doesn't mean that we don't want to be treated like ladies, welcome Glenda.

Glenda Baker: Thank you so much. I am so excited to be here and I have been looking forward to this. I know our schedules have been a little crazy. We talked a couple of months ago, I guess, when I first put that video out, and so I've been looking forward to seeing you.

Dr. Bawa: I'm delighted that we finally made it happen. So tell me, Glenda, tell me about the point you were trying to make in that video.

04: 41 | What Alpha Women Want From Men

Glenda Baker: What happened was I went out on a. and we went to this lovely restaurant and they valet parked your car. And when we walked out, instead of taking my ticket and handing it to the valet, he handed his own ticket. First. I handed the valet, got my ticket, and they brought my car. And rather than he'll taking care of the valet till, you know, I. And so it's not that I needed anybody to pay my valet tip or my valet, I see. It was more of treat me like a woman, and it's almost like make me feel like a woman. Take that initiative, take the control, and making a woman feel like a woman. When we feel feminine, when we feel taken care of, when we feel safe, when we feel protected, you are going to get, it's just that simple, I promise you that.

07: 32 | Why Successful Women Can Intimidate Men

Dr. Bawa: You are speaking for me as well because I have the same exact problem. I feel that I work in an alpha situation at work all the time. I don't want to always be wearing the pants in the relationship. I would love to have a man take care of me, yet they're so intimidated that that's usually not even an issue. Most of them are too nervous to even ask me out.

Glenda Baker: That's the thing is, you know, I mean, I think I'm attractive in my bio. I think I've given it a lot of thought, playful to passionate. I think that I have really put out all of the signs, like I am definitely single. I am definitely available, and it's shocking to me. And then you'll go out and they don't really wanna talk about you or learn about you. It's almost like they wanna like talk all about themselves, build themselves up. And I keep thinking to myself, maybe they're like, Giving themselves a pep talk to kind of get themselves in the right position. I don't know, but it has, it is definitely very interesting and I'm 55, so it's very interesting dating in this age group, in this financial position in 2023 for sure.

Dr. Bawa: I honestly think we make them nervous and I think part of them rambling is because they're so nervous and it's not even something we are. It's a perception they have and we can't help that.

Glenda Baker: Yeah, I mean, I went out with this guy, I mean, this guy is drop dead, make your mouth water geek gorgeous. I mean, this guy is spectacular looking and this guy is so nervous that he almost can't carry on the convers. and I was so nervous because, you know, he is 10 years younger than me. He's this superman about town, you know, and I'm thinking to myself, this guy's really gonna come in like, you know, blaze of glory. But no, this guy is totally nervous. And then he doesn't open the door for me. He walks in front of me. like we were in a crowded space and he, it wasn't like he led the way and I'm just like, are you serious? Like, that's so weird to me. When did men stop being men? Part of me wants to take on so responsibility as a woman.

09: 58 | Chivalry, Equality and Being Treated Like a Lady

Dr. Bawa: I think a lot of men are also a little. because some women will bite their head off if they try to be chivalrous because they perceive it as them being weak, and it's not them being weak. It's just the man being chivalrous. There's a difference because like I said, I still want a chivalrous man. Anything less is a turnoff and oh yeah, we have brought some of it on ourselves, but then again, my son recently went on a school. And the girls got the nicer rooms and he was highly offended. He said, this is very sexist. And he's 12. So he is having this discussion with me and he's genuinely upset about it. He said, why is it that women talk about equality, but then they get the nice rooms that is just so hypocritical.

Glenda Baker: I mean, if I feel safe and protected and engulfed in somebody, my clothes almost just fall off like this intuition, it's, it's like this sixth sense, like knowing that I wanna sit to the left of you, like knowing what I want to. Like knowing when to put your arm around me, knowing when to, you know, come in with that machismo and then knowing when to turn it down. I never ever saw it that I would be single at 55. Nothing could have prepared me and I, and I've done all a lot of dating. I did. match.com for a minute. I did Bumble. I did Hinge, I did Tender. People Scared me about Tinder. Oh, those are just the people that want to hook up. But Gio, I gotta tell you, I've met some very interesting people on all of them, and definitely Tinder has been Aish Board of Opportunity.

12: 05 | Tinder, Honesty and Dating Intentions

Dr. Bawa: Do you think Tinder really is a booty call for most people?

Glenda Baker: I'm sex. So I'm not saying that, you know, sex or a booty cult is, I'm not saying that in a bad way. I think that if you disclose what it is exactly that you're looking for, if I'm willing to jump in the boat, that's a decision between two consenting adults. I mean, I found Tinder to be much more blunt about what they were looking for, whereas on the others I found it much more disguised. But ultimately I felt like that it was just looking for a piece. But on Tinder, I think what I respected was I'm married, I'm looking for friends with benefits. I not looking for anything serious. I'm definitely looking for a hookup. Tell me exactly what it is that you want, and at least give me the opportunity to pick and choose. So at least it was more upfront on Tinder in that sense.

14: 04 | The Lost Art of the Kiss

Dr. Bawa: You know, you're preaching to the choir. I keep saying what happened to the kiss, the art of the kiss. If you are a great kisser, literally my clothes just fall off because that's just like the spark to the plane. That is the first indicator of the closeness of the the intimacy. Like I literally have been kissed. It was like taking my next breath. It was just wanting to consume that person, just literally wanting to kiss them and not stop a kiss. Is everything a great kiss? Is everything.

Glenda Baker: Yeah. And the ones that are bad kissers, oh my Lord, have mercy. The ones that circle they circle with the tongue. what are you doing? Yeah. Like surely you did not get to this age. Mm-hmm. somebody didn't say to you, you need to stop that shit.

Dr. Bawa: See, the problem is women just move on to the next one. They don't tell him and they ruin him for the next one.

Glenda Baker: Chivalry and the right kiss, I think are. They are. I mean, it's almost like a one-two punch because the chivalry is like treating someone with like reverence, like so much respect and care like a precious treasure, and who doesn't want to feel treasure.

15: 18 | Reverence, Desire and Romantic Connection

Dr. Bawa: I love that word reverence. I look for that. People talk about possessiveness as if it's a negative thing, but are you possessive of things that you treasure? Not in a negative way, not in a bad way, but you'll hold them with such respect and such reverence. And that's what I want to be to someone. I want someone to look at me and not be able to get enough. I want somebody to hold me with that regard. I want to be able to look across the room and it's our own secret language. I won't study to whisper in your, in the. And it's like an hour little secret just between the two of us. Tell me what you're going to do to me when you get me. Tell me what it is she, I mean, again, my clothes just, I mean alone.

Glenda Baker: To me this seems it would be intuitive to a male to do this. To me. It seems like that. I feel like they've been given such the easy. They've been given this opportunity to where the bar is set, so, oh, well, he texted me. Good. More. Okay. Is that your bar for greatness? Like what have we come to? We share a part of the fault because a lot of times I think that women don't give men the opportunity to be the man.

16: 39 | Feminism, Power and Relinquishing Control

Dr. Bawa: I think you're absolutely right. I think we have come to a point where this woke world has gone a little too. And I'm all for women's lib. I'm all for feminism. I'm all for strong women. My God, I was raised to be one and I refuse to be anything but as a grown woman. But I think a lot of us have taken it way too far. We have confused the opposite sex, and now we are paying the price for it.

Glenda Baker: Yeah. I think that giving yourself to someone in an intimate relationship, that's not you giving up your power. That's not you giving up control. That's the implicit trust built within an intimate relationship that gives you the comfort and the safety and the security to relinquish that control to someone who you know is going to take care of you when you are in that trusting relationship. You know that no matter what you do, what you share between you that they're not going to do anything to hurt you or disrespect you because there is that implicit trust in the intimate relationship.

17: 45 | Trust and Communication

Dr. Bawa: How do you think a couple can get that connection?

Glenda Baker: Number one, it starts with trust and communication. I think that the more you communicate with your partner, and I think for me feeling like there's no judgment and that that person's intentions are in my best interest, fosters the trust, fosters the confidence. Ian. I think that once you have that confidence, you're more willing to communicate what you want, what you're feeling, what you need when there isn't like embarrassment or shame or judgment that surrounds the communication. I read something the other day. It was so wonderful, and I sent a message to my girlfriend. This right here, this is the magic bullet for women after divorce. She feeds off the connection, off the confidence she gets knowing how desirable she is. So true.

18: 47 | Does Success Get in the Way of Dating?

Dr. Bawa: As a woman, it gives me confidence to share what I want, what makes me happy, what pleases me where I want to go with the intimacy now, have you found that the fact that you are successful as you are and that you are as famous as you are, gets in the way of relationships?

Glenda Baker: A hundred percent. I didn't think anything about putting my name on my dating profile. My name is Glenda. What am I gonna put? So I put my name, Glenda. Well, my name is spelled a little bit different. Okay. It says, where do you live? I live in Marietta. What do you do? I'm a real estate agent, and it never, ever occurred to me that someone would Google me. It never occurred to me that somebody would look me up on social media. I didn't. I didn't even connect those dots. I get this message the first time it happened. Oh my God, you're on TikTok. And I'm like, uh, Oh my God. Yeah, absolutely. I want to go out with you. And I'm like, okay, you're probably a no. And you know, it's funny, uh, they sent me a message the other day and they're like, are you vegan going to Baker?

21: 11 | Romance, Marriage and Refusing to Settle

Dr. Bawa: Your description of the Perfect Kiss. I was like Mills & Boon right there, sister.

Glenda Baker: I remember I was sitting at the dining room table and my husband was sitting over here. And my son was sitting next to me and his girlfriend was sitting there and the girlfriend knows, and I read these from Stones and she goes, miss Glenda, what's going on in your book this week? I'm like, oh my God, it's the Everest brothers and oh, it's fabulous. Like he touches the smaller back. He whispers and ear, he her lip. It's amazing. And she's like, oh, that's so. And I turn and I look at my husband, and my husband looks at me and he goes, you do realize that's not reality. That's sad because it can be. I looked at him and I said, trust me. I know that is not my reality. And I remember in that very moment in time, like I can tell you what I was wearing.

23: 23 | Sex, Aging and the Fear That It Is Over

Dr. Bawa: And you know, the other thing you mentioned is that women are selling themselves short when it comes to their marriages, their relationships, and I think they're also selling themselves short when it comes to orgasm. They have decided that it doesn't happen for them or that now they're too old. Maybe sex is something that you do when you're younger. Maybe that heart passionate sex cannot happen at an older age, and it's so unt.

Glenda Baker: Oh my God. I thought that, I mean, cuz it had been years and I was like, obviously that doesn't work anymore. I've had a radical hysterectomy. I had bladder prolapse at one time and I, I literally thought in my head like, those days are long gone. And they are not. No, they are not. They are not. And and the thing about it is, is that being honest, you know, with your doctor, being honest, With what's going on with you? Because I was afraid, cuz you know, my doctor asked me like, you know, are you able to orgasm from sex? It wasn't until I was honest, cuz I, you know, I was embarrassed. I thought that I was the one with the problem.

24: 57 | Why Women Need Doctors Who Ask About Sexual Health

Dr. Bawa: Your doctor is one of a rare breed because most doctors don't even ask. I talk to my patients and I often ask them, what did your doctor do about it up until this point? And they say nothing and. Even if they have been brave enough to bring it up to their doctor, they have been dismissed. I had a 28 year old in my office today. This poor girl has not been orgasmic for most of her life. And whatever little she was having went downhill after her childbirth and a gynecologist will not give her the time of day. And I have a patient on this very podcast and after her vaginal rejuvenation treatment and all her success and everything, I was just talking to her, just sort of a debrief, like, how's it going?

Glenda Baker: We're literally conditioned to take what you can get and don't ask for more. Be happy about it. Make the best of the situation. Don't ever tell anybody that you're unhappy. Don't ever tell anybody what you want, because they may not want to give that to you and you may create an argument. I think about the last 15 years of my life, I never felt confident enough sexually to talk about when I want it and have to say being myself and being on video. It has helped me so much. Just be comfortable with myself. And what's the worst case scenario? You tell somebody what you want and they're like, yeah, you've obviously lost your mind. I'm not gonna give you that. Okay, well then let me find somebody who will fulfill that. Mm-hmm. tell me what you want. It's not always about just about me.

27: 05 | The Orgasm Gap and Being Honest With Your Partner

Dr. Bawa: Do you know the orgasm gap is such a sad thing because so many women are not orgasming, and I talk about this often because I want to raise awareness for the problem because every woman thinks that it's her. There's something lacking with her. you know, her relationship is the issue. Maybe her part just aren't going to work again. But the point is, it's of course a mix of all of those problems. It's an amalgam of all of those issues. But there is hope, and I always say that, you know, if you're an alcoholic and you go to aa, the first thing is you have to say, I am so and so, and I'm an alcoholic. If you're not having orgasms, you have to be honest with yourself and your. Because you are not doing him any favor by putting on that theatrical act every time you want it to be over.

Glenda Baker: Yeah, and and this is the thing, I think that the orgasm is like the ultimate, you're exactly right. It's like the grand slam home run. As long as you started on bases one, two, and three, you're probably getting to home plate. It's just that simple. And most men want to please, they really. That's the thing that's been crazy. They wanna please you.

28: 25 | Most Men Want to Please

Dr. Bawa: Yes. In fact, recently I had a patient, and I was discussing this with him. He had penis enlargement at my office. You know, I do that for a lot of men and they fly to me from all over. And so he came to me from another state and we were talking about his new penis, which was impressive. And it's not that he was lacking when he came in, but now he was epic. And I said to him, you know, this is more for you than anything. You don't have to be that big to please a woman. And we got into this whole conversation about how women mostly have clitoral orgasms anyway. He said, yes, but I do want to please a woman with a vaginal orgasm. That to me is a success. And I thought, wow, he really wants to please.

Glenda Baker: Yeah. Praise the Lord. Pass the orgasm.

29: 31 | Where to Find Glenda Baker

Dr. Bawa: Yeah, but they're out there. They're out there. And I think if we can be honest with our partners, I think everybody. So Glenda, you are a star and you are on every social media there is. How can people find you?

Glenda Baker: Easy peasy lemon squeezy. So it's Glenda Baker, g l e n n d a, baker, b a k e r. And literally it's Google. Glenda, you can find me on TikTok, Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook, anywhere, YouTube, anywhere and every. And for the most part I talk about real estate. But you know, I talk about a lot of things about my personal life and as I said, I'm gonna start a new series called Tinder Tips on Tuesday.

Dr. Bawa: I can't wait to hear that. And you know, you have some very funny stories on there and very thought provoking stories. I mean, you say it all with humor, with kindness, but you make people think. You make me think. I always look forward to your videos.

Glenda Baker: Well, thank you so much. You never, ever. Who you are going to attract. But for me, my videos are to inspire impact warm people. If it was just one person today, then to me it was a successful day.

Dr. Bawa: Well, I met you at 1 23 Banana Street, didn't I see how old? See, I am a fan, but thank you, Glenda's. Awesome. You are awesome.

Glenda Baker: Awesome. Thank you.

30: 55 | Closing

Dr. Bawa: And I'm so glad we had this discussion from the Art of the Kiss, from romance. From, you know, strong men to strong women, everything in between. Thank you for such a great discussion.

Glenda Baker: Thank you so much. It is a pleasure to spend time with you. I really appreciate it, and I can't wait to meet you in person.

Dr. Bawa: I can't wait Until next time.