Ep. 25 - Middle-Aged & Single

[00:12] Introduction: Middle-Aged and Single

Host: Dr. Kanwal Bawa | Guest: Jonathan Sheer | Runtime: 35:45 | Published: May 30, 2022

Dr. Bawa: Hello, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to another episode of Dr. Sex Fairy. I am Dr. Kanwal Bawa, and as always, I am here to transform your life. Today, we are taking a break from discussing sex—well, at least directly. Today, we are going to talk about the state of dating in the year 2022. A lot has changed. Why? How? Let’s talk about it. Today, I have in the studio my friend Jonathan Sheer, who has a podcast of his own. It’s called I Know Jonathan Sheer. Welcome, Jonathan.

Jonathan: Hello. This is a funny one. Hello, hello. Exciting. I feel like I’m with a celebrity.

Dr. Bawa: You’re so funny.

Jonathan: I’m not funnier. It’s great. Thank you for having me. This is an honor.

Dr. Bawa: I am delighted to have you here. So, we are both single. I’m almost 44, and you are almost 53. Young as can be. Oh, my God. We’re just spring chickens.

Jonathan: How did we get here? How did this happen?

Dr. Bawa: How did this happen? This was not supposed to be our story, was it?

Jonathan: Nope.

Dr. Bawa: You know, I was married for a long time, two kids, and you have never been married and have no kids.

Jonathan: Correct.

Dr. Bawa: So, we’re coming at it from two ends of the spectrum.

Jonathan: Correct. At a young age, I was in the restaurant business, and I always say that was my wife.

Dr. Bawa: That’s funny, but it’s true.

Jonathan: True. And then I had some serious relationships, and they’re wonderful people. It just never got to the ring stage. Probably my fault. But, hey, then 15 years go by and you’re like, wait, wait, I’m still single. I’m still single, but I had a lot of fun.

Dr. Bawa: I’m sure you did.

Jonathan: Yeah.

[02:00] Commitment, Confidence, and the “Slow Burner”

Dr. Bawa: So, what do you think the story was? Do you think you had a phobia with commitment?

Jonathan: Never. That’s the first thing. A lot of times when I’m on a date, it’s, “Oh, you have a commitment issue.” No, I don’t. I’ve never cheated on anyone in my life, since literally high school. So, I’m quite committed. Strike that. Maybe I have a bad picker. Maybe I go after the wrong people. Maybe they find me. I feel like that’s more the case. I’m very blasé sometimes about dating, and I don’t pursue it. And then, if someone likes me, I’m like, “Oh, I like you.”

Dr. Bawa: So, you think you are not proactive enough? If you like someone, you don’t ask them out enough?

Jonathan: Correct. I’m a very slow burner.

Dr. Bawa: A slow burner.

Jonathan: It’s a slow burner.

Dr. Bawa: That’s okay. It’s okay. But do you think a confident man like you—because, by all appearances, you are a confident man. You’re good-looking.

Jonathan: Oh, why, thank you.

Dr. Bawa: You are. Come on. So why is it that you are so hesitant?

Jonathan: I’m not hesitant. I’m not hesitant at all.

Dr. Bawa: But you’re slow.

Jonathan: Yes. Is there a difference? I’ve had plenty of dates—too many, right? Then you get to the point where you’re like, I don’t even like dating.

Dr. Bawa: I hate dating.

Jonathan: It’s an interview. I would rather go out with my amazing friends and see what happens. And I’m not saying to be with them. I’m saying meet other people out and about. The best way to meet people, in my opinion, is just through your existing circle.

Dr. Bawa: Absolutely.

[03:43] Feeling Undateable and the COVID Pause

Jonathan: But clearly, I’m not an expert. There have also been big portions of my life where I felt not myself and I didn’t feel dateable—underemployed, or I gained weight, or lost my confidence for whatever factor. So, I just didn’t date, didn’t try, and I shied away from that. Not recently, but we all were effectively put on hold for the COVID shutdowns, right?

Dr. Bawa: Oh, yes. Our lives just paused.

Jonathan: Paused. I was like, wow, I’m feeling great about myself. I’m living in a new city. I moved to the South Florida area after being 25 years in Atlanta, Georgia. I came here before anyone even knew what COVID was—30 days before.

Dr. Bawa: That’s interesting timing.

Jonathan: Yeah. So, I’m staring at the ceiling, and I was going crazy because I’m a social animal. I ended up signing up on the popular dating apps. It was just something to do. You couldn’t really go out with them, but you could have some texts and conversations. I actually connected with some nice people, but they’re all in the wind now. It was all fun and games when it was safe.

Dr. Bawa: Mm-hmm.

Jonathan: So, I deleted all those apps. Then almost a year went by, and I reloaded Hinge and Bumble about a month ago. I’ve already deleted Hinge. But I feel like I’m at a weird age. I saw a funny quote: I’m too old for TikTok, but I’m not old enough for Medicare, or something like that. I can’t remember what it was. There are plenty of men in their 50s who are out and about on these dating apps, but probably for the wrong reasons. So, if there are any women 35 and over listening, please call me.

Dr. Bawa: You’re hilarious.

[06:04] Returning to Dating After a 19-Year Marriage

Dr. Bawa: You know, I was married for a long time. By the time I got divorced, I had been married for 19 years.

Jonathan: Yeah, a long time.

Dr. Bawa: And with the years spent dating prior, that was about 20 years with one person.

Jonathan: How old were you when you got married?

Dr. Bawa: Oh, I was a babe. I was 20.

Jonathan: Yeah.

Dr. Bawa: So, that explained some of my decisions. But I was young. Then, when I was finally single again at about 40, I went, what the hell happened to the world around me? Dating had changed. That’s another issue many people our age are facing, especially when they’re coming out of long-term relationships, whether they’re marriages or just long-term relationships in and of themselves. The dating scene has changed. It went from meeting somebody in a bar—and, like our friend Brian says, the swipe mentality is no different than it used to be. Before, he said, “I would walk around the bar several times, and that was my swiping.” Now we’re just doing it online. But it’s still a different mentality, in my opinion. I think—and call me crazy—but I think it’s a more casual approach to dating, and I don’t know that I’m comfortable with that. That said, every time I go out with somebody, I’m not looking for my next husband, but I don’t take it as casually as some do. At this point, I’m not doing the online thing at all, but I did try Bumble for a bit.

Jonathan: I’m about to be off it. For me, I do better in person. I always have. I’m probably not a textbook case because there are so many success stories: “I met my husband,” “I met my wife,” whatever. Every few years, there’s a new app. It used to be Match.com, then it was Tinder, and everything kind of goes in phases.

Dr. Bawa: It’s the same people on all the apps. It’s the same.

Jonathan: I think I’ll just take my chances in real life, not the metaverse. I’ve also never really had traditional jobs, so I’m not going into an office every day. That affects it because I don’t have coworkers who become my social circle and introduce me to their friends. I’m not going to a happy hour after work. I haven’t had that experience in my life.

[08:05] The Connector Who Is Still Single

Jonathan: But I thrive in other ways. I am a connector, and I host events and parties and social gatherings. There have been dozens, if not hundreds, of people who have met through me, whether it was at my restaurant formerly, at one of my events, or just in my circle of friends. I am the best wingman in the world. That should really be my podcast. I have proof. I have people who send me baby photos and say, “This is your fault.” It’s funny, and I’m happy with that role in the universe. But I’m horrible at it personally because, clearly, I’m 52 and a half and single. My last relationship was probably a few years ago in Atlanta. I think we’re all out of practice, eh?

Dr. Bawa: I think we’re a little rusty.

Jonathan: A little bit.

Dr. Bawa: Do you think we’re damaged goods at this point?

Jonathan: No. No, I think that’s an excuse. And if we are, then it’s a collective trauma. We all are damaged, right? Then the scale is even. I think the world has a lot of distractions, a lot of screen time, and a lot of people trying to act younger than they really are. There are 50-year-olds on TikTok, and they’re da-da-da-da. Dating apps give you this shopping mentality: swipe, swipe, swipe. Yes, no, no. I’ll take that. I’ll take that. No. Yes. You can create any identity you want. People lie, and they’re like, “I want someone funny.” Oh, really? You want to date Chris Farley?

Dr. Bawa: I’ll tell you a funny story.

Jonathan: They want Ryan Gosling, but they don’t look like Ryan Gosling. So, okay.

Dr. Bawa: There’s somebody I know very well, and I came upon his dating-app profile. It said that he likes taking long walks, and I said, “Really? Okay.” Then, “I like dancing in the moonlight.” I went, “What?” It also said, “I have so-and-so degrees,” and I said, “Well, that’s nonsense.” So much of that is dishonest.

[11:04] Dating Profiles, Favorites, and Everyday Dishonesty

Jonathan: People do this every day. If I asked someone, “What’s your favorite restaurant?”—and this can go back to Atlanta—they would name this place called Rathbun’s. It was a great restaurant. It actually just closed after a long time. But it could be any fancy, nice restaurant. “That’s my favorite restaurant.” Oh, well, when was the last time you were there? “Two years ago. It was Mom’s anniversary.” Oh, it’s your favorite, but you’ve been there once and it was two years ago? That’s not really your favorite. Your favorite is where you go every week, right?

Dr. Bawa: Mm-hmm. That makes complete sense.

Jonathan: People can say anything. You can say anything with confidence and people believe you. I see it a lot, and I giggle because people make these grand statements on their profiles. It’s like, wow, you’ve got a kind of disciplined, perfect life. But in reality, you’re doing the same thing I’m doing.

Dr. Bawa: Oh, yeah.

Jonathan: It’s human nature, probably, right?

Dr. Bawa: Probably. I took the path of honesty, and I was very honest in the profile I had for the short while I was in online dating. But I find it very disturbing how many people lie about age and things like that. My point is simple: if you will lie about something as basic as that, what else will you lie to me about?

Jonathan: Correct. I noticed what a lot of people are doing on Bumble in particular. They’ll consciously lie about their age, but then in the verbiage in the profile they say, “In reality, I’m 48. Can’t change it.”

Dr. Bawa: Yes, I’ve seen that. “Can’t change it.” It’s such bullshit.

Jonathan: It’s bullshit. But the reason they’re doing that is they’re getting more swipes from a wider audience because the average age of the user on Bumble, I think, is 28 to 35.

Dr. Bawa: And people set filters based on age.

Jonathan: Exactly. So, I know why they’re doing it, but it’s disingenuous and silly. It’s just like if someone lies about their height, and a lot of men do that.

Dr. Bawa: Absolutely. Oh, yes, they do. It’s like, really?

Jonathan: It’s crazy. I think honesty is the best policy in almost every situation.

Dr. Bawa: Agreed.

Jonathan: But there’s a lot of funny business.

[13:56] Divorce, Women’s Independence, and Changing Marriage

Dr. Bawa: Let’s talk about divorce, something you have never had. You’ve never been married, but you’ve never been divorced, so there is that. You have one up on me.

Jonathan: Yeah.

Dr. Bawa: The divorce rate more than doubled between 1960 and the 1980s. I wonder if it’s because more women came into the workforce. There was this whole thing about feminism and women’s lib and all of that. I wonder if more women decided that they didn’t want to stay in happy—I’m sorry, unhappy—marriages. Do you think that had anything possibly to do with it? I mean, look at the timing.

Jonathan: Sure. I think women are getting married later in life. They’re successful, they’re concentrating on their careers, and they don’t need a man to support them. They don’t even need a man these days—I mean, they need a man to get pregnant. I’m saying they don’t need to be married to have a child.

Dr. Bawa: Well, they need sperm to get pregnant.

Jonathan: They do. They do, they do.

Dr. Bawa: So, they don’t even necessarily need to be in a relationship to get pregnant. You can buy that stuff now.

Jonathan: Correct. Traditional marriage has changed, and it depends on where you live. In bigger cities, there’s a lower marriage rate than in a small town and that kind of thing. But, yeah, I’ve never been divorced.

Dr. Bawa: Never been divorced. That’s something a divorced man once said to me. I said to him, “So, never been married, no kids at 50. Tell me about that.” He said, “Well, I’ve never been married, but I’ve never been divorced.” I said, “Okay, I’ll give you that.”

Jonathan: I find that it’s a red flag to some women that I’ve never been married and never had kids.

Dr. Bawa: I think the red flag to a woman like me would be: what is his hesitation? Why is he not able to commit? Also, for me as a mother of young boys—well, they’re not that young, they’re not babies, but they’re not adults—it would be: will he be able to be a father figure to my children? Not a father, but somebody who, in a long-term relationship, can be a father figure.

Jonathan: Ironically, I love kids. I’m great with kids. I’ve worked with kids in charity situations and also in the summer-camp world. I was a camp counselor and group leader.

Dr. Bawa: That’s really nice.

Jonathan: That was great. Those were some of the best years. But, yeah, here I am.

Dr. Bawa: Here you are.

[16:20] Dating Women With Children and Age Differences

Jonathan: I’ve only dated one woman who had kids, but I never met the kids. It didn’t get to that point. So, I don’t really have any experience in a serious relationship with a woman with kids. I’m not opposed to it. Especially now, at my age, most of these kids are going to be in their 20s and already out of the house. But I tend to date younger women—not because I want to date a younger woman. It’s because I’m super fun and social. I like to go out, I like live music and concerts, and I like to stay active.

Dr. Bawa: Define younger.

Jonathan: Thirty and over. Thirty-five and over. It just happens that way.

Dr. Bawa: Not 25.

Jonathan: That’s too young. That’s too young, too young. My nephew now is 21. I’m like, well, if he could date her, then no, it’s not going to happen. That was my mom yelling at you: “Tell him to stop talking. Tell him to stop talking.” South Florida has its own challenges of dating because there’s such a wide-ranging population and a wide range of things to do, activities, and places to go. I mean, it’s amazing, actually.

Dr. Bawa: It is amazing living in South Florida.

Jonathan: Yeah. There are a lot of activities and festivals. There’s always something fun happening here.

Dr. Bawa: There are great events all the time.

Jonathan: Boat shows, and my friend is going to a seafood festival tomorrow in Jupiter. I’m going to be in Fort Lauderdale tomorrow visiting friends. There are so many things, and those are great opportunities to use your dating skills.

[18:08] Phones, Distraction, and Bad Dates

Dr. Bawa: In today’s day and age, we are buried in our cell phones.

Jonathan: Yes.

Dr. Bawa: We just keep looking at our phones, whether we’re standing in line at Starbucks or we’re out.

Jonathan: I’ll say this: when I do go on a date, my best practice is that my phone is in my pocket. If she goes to the restroom, yeah, I’ll look at my phone or whatever. But I really try. I’ve been on dates where they’re on their phone the whole time, and I’ll be like, “Hey, I’ll see you later. That’s more interesting.” It’s rude.

Dr. Bawa: It is very rude.

Jonathan: I had a serious girlfriend, and I would drive around in the car while she was on her phone in the passenger seat. I’m like, “Am I the chauffeur? Am I not sitting here?” “Oh, shut up. I’m just looking at my phone.” It’s crazy.

Dr. Bawa: I went on a date once—I swear to you—that man looked at the TV behind me more than he looked at me. So, needless to say, that was a one and done.

Jonathan: It’s not good. I’m a typical man. I can’t multitask. So, if I am looking at the TV, I’m really not looking at you.

Dr. Bawa: Exactly. See?

Jonathan: I go back to Seinfeld and everything. George was eating a sandwich in bed while he was having sex. It’s one of the best episodes. It’s the funniest thing, but that’s a typical man, right?

[19:35] Seinfeld, Shrinkage, and Dr. Sex Fairy

Dr. Bawa: You know what Seinfeld episode translates into my life more?

Jonathan: What’s that?

Dr. Bawa: The one about shrinkage.

Jonathan: Well, yeah.

Dr. Bawa: Remember that one?

Jonathan: Of course.

Dr. Bawa: So, he’s cold and he shrinks, and as Dr. Sex Fairy, I enlarge on a regular basis. It’s funny. Making dreams come true.

Jonathan: That was a great episode. That was when they rented the house in the Hamptons, and Kramer caught the illegal lobsters.

Dr. Bawa: I love Kramer. Hilarious.

Jonathan: That was a great episode. Yeah, shrinkage. That was also when he peed in the shower.

Dr. Bawa: And he’s like, “It’s pipes. It’s all pipes. It’s all pipes.” Good TV. Really good TV. Evergreen. Those shows never go out of fashion or out of style. They’re always funny. They’re always relevant because it’s human nature and human relationships.

[20:18] Historic Marriage Rates and the Rise of Divorce

Dr. Bawa: In 2020, U.S. News & World Report published an article about U.S. marriage rates and how they had hit a historic low. They mentioned that in 1929, when the Great Depression happened, the marriage rate was 12 for every thousand. In 1932, when the effects had truly kicked in, it dropped to 7.9 that quickly. Then, in 1946, when we were recovering from World War II, it reached an all-time high of 16.4 for every thousand. Of course, things dropped and dropped and dropped until, in 2018, it reached a historic low of 6.5. I wonder what happened with COVID and if that dropped it even further. I don’t know the current statistics, but it makes you wonder. We’re marrying less and less. We’re getting divorced more and more. In fact, the divorce rate more than doubled between 1960 and the 1980s. Who knows what it is now, given our current scenario? Everything is up in the air with COVID and the currently changing scenario.

Jonathan: I am friends with some divorce attorneys. Boy, it’s just ugly. It’s just ugly most of the time.

Dr. Bawa: I can attest to that.

Jonathan: Yeah. It’s just vicious. I’m glad I never went through that. I have one brother. He’s been married 20-whatever-something years. My parents have been married for 55 years or something. There’s not a lot of divorce in my family on my mom’s side. On my dad’s side, yes, a little bit. But generally, even among a lot of my friends, there’s not a lot of divorce among my married friends.

Dr. Bawa: I don’t know what that says about you, but it’s not necessarily a negative thing.

Jonathan: No, I’m saying it positively. I have a very positive outlook on marriage because I just haven’t been around a lot of divorce.

Dr. Bawa: Yeah, that’s great. That is a very good thing.

Jonathan: Have I ever dated someone very seriously who was divorced? Yes, I have—a couple of times. I think some people just get married way, way, way too young, and they haven’t really lived their life yet.

[22:42] Indian Marriage Culture and Family Intervention

Dr. Bawa: But, you know, it’s also a cultural thing because I come from India.

Jonathan: Yeah.

Dr. Bawa: In India, you do get married relatively young. It doesn’t have to be 20 like I did, but younger—and there is still a pretty nonexistent divorce rate. I wonder if it’s not so much what people say: “Oh, it’s a cultural thing. They’re more repressed.” I promise you there’s nothing repressed in any woman in my family, yet we have a nonexistent divorce rate. I mean, I’m an outlier. I have one uncle who is divorced, but essentially there is no divorce in my family. In India, I think they take marriage very seriously. If you tell your parents, “It’s not working out. We’re getting divorced,” they’ll say, “Uh-uh-uh, hold on, hold on.” They’ll sit you both down and talk to you, kind of like an in-house counselor or therapist. They’ll say, “Listen, what you’re fighting about is ridiculous.” For the most part, in most marriages, what are we fighting about? Money. “I’m bored.” This, that. Usually it’s stupid stuff. If you want to make that relationship work, for the most part, you can make it work. People get bored.

Jonathan: I know. I think about that a lot. It’s just sad for the kids.

Dr. Bawa: It is sad for the kids. I have two children.

Jonathan: It’s like, you loved each other at one point, and you reproduced and made these creatures, and then what? But I can’t really speak on it because I’ve not been—

Dr. Bawa: Well, I’ve been there, done that, and it’s unfortunate. In my case, it’s a good thing. But you always wish it didn’t happen. You wish you could be like the rest of your Indian kind and stay married forever.

[24:18] Parents, Widowhood, and Never Dating Again

Dr. Bawa: My parents were married for a long time—39 years—and my dad died unexpectedly at just 66. My mother will not date. I’ve talked to her about it. She’s young enough.

Jonathan: My grandmother on my mom’s side was like that. My grandfather died very young, at 62. She was 58 when he died. She never dated, ever, until the day she died. It’s sad, right?

Dr. Bawa: It’s sad.

Jonathan: But that’s also that old-school way.

Dr. Bawa: You know, it’s also lovely in a way—that you love so much that you’d rather just—

Jonathan: I think she went on one date. My mother tells the story. She went on one date, and she freaked out because the man touched her arm. You know? That’s sweet, right?

Dr. Bawa: Mm-hmm.

Jonathan: Yeah. So, I don’t know.

Dr. Bawa: It is what it is.

Jonathan: It is what it is.

Dr. Bawa: It is what it is.

Jonathan: Yeah.

[25:11] Life Expectancy, Retirement Communities, and STIs

Dr. Bawa: You know, the other thing is that you have a better chance of finding a woman than I have of finding a man. In America, a man can expect to live to about 75 or 78, somewhere there, and a woman can expect to live to about 80 or 83. So, the pool is a lot smaller for me.

Jonathan: We could just move to The Villages.

Dr. Bawa: We could.

Jonathan: I hear it’s a party up there.

Dr. Bawa: Do you know that STD rates are very high in retirement homes?

Jonathan: It’s so funny to me.

Dr. Bawa: Syphilis is back, baby.

Jonathan: Oh, it’s so funny.

Dr. Bawa: They have no work to do. And with Viagra and Cialis and people like me on the scene who actually help them have better sex, have bigger penises, tighter vaginas—but you know what? Why not? Why not? Absolutely. Good for them. Just use a damn condom.

Jonathan: Yeah. I guess they don’t really bother with it, right?

Dr. Bawa: They don’t really care anymore.

Jonathan: They don’t care.

Dr. Bawa: They’re like, “This isn’t going to kill me.”

Jonathan: Give me a pill.

Dr. Bawa: Yeah, give me a pill. Besides, if the World War didn’t kill me, if this didn’t kill me, that didn’t kill me—hell, if COVID didn’t kill me—I really don’t care.

Jonathan: Condoms are weird, though. They do the job, but they also make it no fun.

Dr. Bawa: Well, I understand, but no fun versus STDs? The relationship may not last, but herpes is forever.

Jonathan: It’s so funny.

Dr. Bawa: It’s true.

Jonathan: Ugh, it’s gross. You’ve got to check the medicine cabinet before you get under the covers.

Dr. Bawa: You know, a lot of people who have genital herpes don’t even know they have it.

Jonathan: Oh, God.

Dr. Bawa: Mm-hmm. The other thing I hear is, “Oh, my partner has oral herpes but not genital, so we’re good.” The problem is that, yes, a lot of people have cold sores and oral herpes, and there’s a misunderstanding in the general population that oral herpes is HSV-1 and genital herpes is HSV-2. Either one can go either place.

Jonathan: I’ve heard that, but you’re right. Most people don’t know that.

Dr. Bawa: It’s just as well if people stop reproducing, I guess.

Jonathan: Maybe that’s what we need.

Dr. Bawa: Maybe that’s why I’m single. I know too much.

Jonathan: Too much. You are—you’re too smart.

[27:28] What Dr. Bawa Wants in a Partner

Jonathan: What kind of guy? You haven’t dated in a while.

Dr. Bawa: Well, you know, there was that whole cancer thing as well.

Jonathan: That little thing, yeah.

Dr. Bawa: That little thing took some time.

Jonathan: That’ll set you back. But tomorrow, you wake up in the morning and say, “You know what? I’m feeling very amorous.” Is it a physical thing? Is it a looks thing for you? Or are you more sapiosexual, where it’s more like someone is intelligent and well-spoken? Is it an older man? Is it a younger man? What’s your thing, Doc?

Dr. Bawa: My thing, my friend.

Jonathan: Your audience wants to know.

Dr. Bawa: My audience wants to know. You want to know.

Jonathan: Dr. Sex Fairy, please.

Dr. Bawa: You have me on the spot. So, you want to know.

Jonathan: Spill the tea.

Dr. Bawa: Spill the tea.

Jonathan: By the way, I personally have a lot of trouble answering this question, so it’s not even fair for me to ask you.

Dr. Bawa: No, but it’s a good question. I think I want the complete package. I have been told that I’m unrealistic and that I should compromise. I say, why the hell should I compromise? I’m the complete package—at least I think I am. Why can’t I find a man who looks good, who is educated, who has some level of career success, who’s funny, who’s interesting, and who wants to travel? Maybe I’m asking for too much, but I’m willing to wait until I find that man.

[28:55] Career Compatibility and Different Reference Points

Jonathan: What if you met a man and you didn’t know what he did? You had a great time and a great conversation, and then you found out he’s a cashier at a grocery store.

Dr. Bawa: Well, I don’t think we would work.

Jonathan: Would that turn you off?

Dr. Bawa: Not really. The issue is that I think we would have different reference points.

Jonathan: Yeah.

Dr. Bawa: That’s a true story. That’s a true story. You were teasing me about my purse when I walked into the studio. To me, that is normal. To somebody who works at Publix, that would be atrocious. They would think I was wasteful, I would feel judged, and that would start a cascade of problems. It’s not that I need a man to take me places and pay for things. I can pay for things, thank you. My problem is that I need somebody who is a career equal in some form. It doesn’t have to be financial, but I think there can’t be that much disparity either.

Jonathan: It makes sense. It makes sense.

Dr. Bawa: We would just have different reference points. If he heard that I took my kids to Italy, we drove around Italy, did this and that, and went to a Michelin-starred restaurant, he would think I’d lost my mind.

Jonathan: Yeah. It makes sense. And that brings us back to these dating apps because they put people together who ordinarily wouldn’t be together.

Dr. Bawa: Yeah, yeah.

Jonathan: Whether it’s socioeconomic, religious, ethnic, da-da-da-da—which is great.

Dr. Bawa: Uh-huh.

Jonathan: But, in reality, that’s why it’s not going to work.

[30:30] Arranged Marriages and Compatibility

Dr. Bawa: In India, we were talking about marriages and how successful they are. I’m sure there are enough unhappy marriages that are not ending in divorce and should end in divorce. But the point is that people talk about arranged marriages, right? You hear about that all the time. People ask me so many questions: “Oh, did you have an arranged marriage?” I was married to an American—blond, blue-eyed—so, no, I did not have an arranged marriage. My parents did not want me to marry him, trust me. But what happens in arranged marriages is that it’s like a dating service, like Bumble or one of those, where your parents are matching you. Usually, they know what the hell they’re talking about. They match people with similar economic status, similar academic achievements, and similar religion, if not the same religion. I think there’s something to be said for that. I’m not saying you’re trying to marry your twin, but there’s something to be said for not arguing over some basic but very important things.

Jonathan: I’m sure there are some people who hear this and scream at you.

Dr. Bawa: Oh, I’m sure.

Jonathan: But it makes sense. It’s a very valid argument on your part. Sorry to ask you that touchy question.

Dr. Bawa: No, it’s a completely valid question, and I think it’s a good one. It is what it is, and I’m sure people will judge me for it.

Jonathan: I think I’m less picky now than I was—maybe.

Dr. Bawa: I think I have to be more picky because now I am a parent, and now I am somebody who is a relatively known member of my world in Boca. I cannot date casually. At least I don’t want to date casually.

Jonathan: Well, this is a subject for another show, but I think you can.

Dr. Bawa: I didn’t say just date. I’m not—and I don’t want you on Tinder.

Jonathan: Do not go on Tinder.

Dr. Bawa: No, I’m not going on that. That’s dirty, filthy.

Jonathan: They’re going to say, “Would you go out with her?” and you’re going to be fine.

Dr. Bawa: I think that would be a great way to meet someone, because you’re going to be a good wingman.

Jonathan: That’s how I’m going to meet someone who you should be with.

Dr. Bawa: There are so many success stories from friends matching friends.

[32:44] Social Circles, Work, and the Me Too Era

Jonathan: Do you have girlfriends you go out with sometimes?

Dr. Bawa: Yes. In fact, my friends, the Crazy Rich Neighbors.

Jonathan: They’re the best.

Dr. Bawa: They’re awesome. I went out with Tiffany for dinner the other night.

Jonathan: So, that’s how you meet him.

Dr. Bawa: We go out. I do things. I have a social life. It’s not like I stay at home all the time or I’m at work all the time. I do spend a lot of time at work. That’s another thing I think is causing an issue in today’s day and age with dating: this whole Me Too movement. I am all for it. I’m all for the bullies being taken out of the workforce and the predators being taken out of the workforce. But it has also made dating harder because where do you meet most people but at work? You spend a lot of your waking hours at work. What then? Are you going to be crucified because you ask somebody out and suddenly they’re offended?

Jonathan: Right.

Dr. Bawa: That’s another problem we’re facing. So, it’s just complicated.

Jonathan: I agree with you on that. I just need to start going on more traditional dates and just do it and get it over with.

Dr. Bawa: Well, I need to go on more dates, period.

Jonathan: Period.

Dr. Bawa: Dr. Sex Fairy needs to get out once in a while.

[33:50] Dancing, South Florida Nightlife, and Closing

Jonathan: I see this too. People write, “I love to go dancing.”

Dr. Bawa: No. Yeah. No, you don’t.

Jonathan: By the way, where are you dancing? There’s nowhere to go.

Dr. Bawa: And you probably suck at it.

Jonathan: Or there are some clubs in Fort Lauderdale where the kids are 19. You’re going to go dancing?

Dr. Bawa: You know, I went to Honey. You know, on Atlantic?

Jonathan: I’ve been there.

Dr. Bawa: That’s a lounge. It was loud. I didn’t really like the crowd.

Jonathan: Not really. There’s not enough. You’re doing shots, and, yeah, there’s a DJ, but it’s funny to me.

Dr. Bawa: And some people are grinding, not dancing.

Jonathan: Yeah, Dr. Sex Fairy. We should go hand out some cards.

Dr. Bawa: No, that’s okay. Thank you.

Jonathan: Those punks can’t afford you.

Dr. Bawa: Well, I’m not that expensive.

Jonathan: All right. This has been fun.

Dr. Bawa: This has been a great conversation.

Jonathan: Yeah. You’re good. You’re a good egg.

Dr. Bawa: Thank you for coming on my show. Tell our listeners how they can find you.

Jonathan: I’m easy to find, really. Instagram: @IKnowJonathanSheer. Pretty much all my socials are some form of Sheer. It used to be Sheer Atlanta, but I kind of changed it when I moved.

Dr. Bawa: That’s clever.

Jonathan: Clever. I’m easy to find. Yeah. Yep, yep. Thank you so much.

Dr. Bawa: Thank you for being on my show. And thank you, listeners, for listening again. Don’t forget to leave me a five-star review.

[35:03] Recorded Outro

Dr. Bawa: I hope you enjoyed the Dr. Sex Fairy podcast today. I would love to continue this conversation with you. If you would like to get in touch with me, email me at askme@drsexfairy.com. Don’t forget to follow this podcast and leave me a five-star review. And make sure you follow my blockbuster-hit TikTok account, Dr. Sex Fairy.