Are throat orgasms real? What about coregasms? What is a blended orgasm? Female ejaculation or squirting videos are all the rage on Pornhub. Should every woman squirt? Does squirting make orgasms better? You have questions, and I have the answers. Buckle up! This episode is going to be a wild ride.
I am joined by Dr. Caleb Jacobson on this episode. Dr. Jacobson is a clinical psychologist, sex therapist, and biblical scholar. He is the host of the Sex Therapy Podcast.Â
Dr. Bawa: Welcome to another episode of Dr. Sex Fairy. I am Dr. Kanwal Bawa, America's favorite sex doctor, and I am here to transform your life. I am taking my message of sexual and intimate wellness to millions. The Dr. Sex Fairy Podcast is topping charts around the world. And for that, I thank you. My TikTok account, Dr. Sex Fairy, is also reaching millions around the world. Make sure you follow me there. And don't forget to follow me here so that you never miss a Dr. Sex Fairy podcast episode. Please support this podcast and me by leaving a five-star review.
Dr. Bawa: I am joined today by my dear friend and everyone's favorite sex therapist, Dr. Caleb Jacobson, today. Dr. Jacobson is an internationally recognized clinical psychologist, sex therapist, and biblical scholar. He chairs the AASECT special interest group on sexuality and religion and is the host of the very popular sex therapy podcast. We often text each other crazy articles and social media posts because just when we think we've seen it all, another crazy post or so-called expert comes along. We were talking about this topic a couple of days ago and decided to bring the conversation to the Dr. Sex Fairy podcast.
Dr. Bawa: We will be discussing all kinds of orgasms today. We will even discuss squirting. Fasten your seatbelts, folks. We're going on quite the ride today. Welcome, Dr. Jacobson.
Dr. Jacobson: Well, I'm so glad to be on this show, Dr. Bawa. As always, it's a pleasure to talk with you and especially such an exciting muscle-contracting subject like we're discussing today.
Dr. Bawa: Well, we do have some crazy things to discuss, don't we? For instance, let's jump right in with throat orgasms.
Dr. Jacobson: Well, literally jumping right in. You know, when I first read about throat orgasms, I almost choked. No pun intended. Because I thought this was the most insane thing I've ever heard in my life. Okay. All I could think about was the number of people that I have worked with over the years or have talked to who either they don't like giving oral sex. fellatio we're talking about here. There's the throat orgasm, they say, comes from giving fellatio, which is oral sex to a male.
Dr. Jacobson: and some of them they don't like it, some of them they don't know what they're doing, right? Now you're just making people feel even more inadequate or even more un you know, like you don't know what you're doing, you know. Like I don't like doing it. Now I feel bad I don't like doing it. I really don't know how to do it. They're telling me I should be orgasming from doing it. What's wrong with me that I don't like doing it? Like it's just creating more complication and confusion about sex. And that's what we're talking about, right?
Dr. Jacobson: Like we are talking about on this show about how people are overly well, first off, they're just coming up with a bunch of crap and they're making sex more of a problem for people than it needs to be.
Dr. Bawa: Yes, they're complicating it and it's just getting ridiculous at this point. Now, call me crazy, but throat orgasms make no sense to me. Not on this level, not on any level. Now, everybody talks about throat orgasms because they think that the penis can stimulate the vagus nerve. But in my opinion, by the time you're tickling the vagus nerve, you're probably vomiting too. So that can't possibly be sexy or sexually pleasing to either partner.
Dr. Jacobson: Well, I'm sure somebody has a fetish for it.
Dr. Bawa: But that's a different issue, but realistically speaking.
Dr. Jacobson: And the other thing is, the other thing is, you know, I work with so many porn stars, okay? So many porn stars who I'll even tell you a semi-funny story. one of the first porn stars I've ever had on my podcast, who's a very well-known female porn star that everyone loves, I mentioned this to a woman at the synagogue, okay? So, you know, as an Orthodox Jew, I'm talking about people who are on the show. This woman comes to me a week later and she goes, you know, don't tell anybody this.
Dr. Jacobson: She goes, I've seen porn in my day when I was younger. I didn't know you could do some of this stuff. Okay, so this person was very talented in oral sex that was on the thing. None of them have ever talked to me about having orgasms from giving deep throat blowjobs. None of them. So I don't know where this where this is coming from all of a sudden, because it's pretty random.
Dr. Bawa: I think people just want attention. I think people are looking for social media clicks and shares. They want likes, they want followers, and they'll say anything just to get that. I mean, what else is throat orgasms, you know?
Dr. Jacobson: Yeah, unfortunately that's true. And it seems that a lot of people are willing to give a lot of misinformation just for the fact of their own career or because they think it sounds good. I'd be curious. The people who are spreading some of this, I would be curious to ask them the question have you ever had a throat orgasm? Really? What would be interesting is if in the middle of trying to have a throat orgasm, they start choking and their esophagus begins to contract as they are coughing hysterically and they go, Oh, that's an orgasm.
Dr. Jacobson: I mean, what is going on?
Dr. Bawa: Yeah. I don't know. I mean, then you think about other craziness like urinary orgasms. And I'm literally going to read something to you that I read this morning. I almost fell off my chair in shock and disgust. So this article online is titled How to Have a Urinary Orgasm. So, of course, they had my attention. Drink about 15 to 30 ounces of water before having sex. Engage in foreplay and penetrative sex. When you can't hold it anymore, urinate. If possible, put lots of towels under you and urinate while your partner is still inside you. That would create even deeper effects.
Dr. Bawa: Now, I don't even know what to say to that.
Dr. Jacobson: So I know a lot of people, when it comes to penetrative sex, they enjoy the ejaculatory aspect of it because it's something warm and wet that's being shot inside of the other person. But we're not even talking in that article about the male partner urinating inside of a female partner. You're talking about the female partner urinating while the male is inside of her. This gives a new level of squirting, I guess. I don't know what this is, what's happening. I'm sure there are, again, I'm sure there are people who are into that.
Dr. Jacobson: I'm sure people like there are a lot of people who like waterworks. but for a lot of people, you are going to turn them off. you are going to cause them not to be interested in any type of romantic or sexual relationship with you. And unfortunately, you know, there's also a lot of people who have taboos around sex. Women, men who sex is still very much a taboo, even to talk about. They have difficulties, they have guilt, they have shame around it, they have a lot of issues.
Dr. Jacobson: Now we're going to introduce something that's exceptionally kinky and to the mix and saying, oh, you can have an orgasm this way. This is going to turn more people off of sex.
Dr. Bawa: Yes. Now look at something as crazy as skin-gasms, eye-gasms. Are we losing our mind as a society?
Dr. Jacobson: Well, I had a coregasm earlier today. No, you know, if it was possible to do something like that, I would be at the gym every day.
Dr. Bawa: And I'd have a six pack.
Dr. Jacobson: Yeah, I mean, I would just nonstop, right? I wouldn't be here on this interview, I'd be doing sit-ups. the fact is, to me, if when I read all of this material and I hear all of the and I and I think about this, I'm wondering if any type of muscle contraction in the body they're considering orgasm. Because you know, it is possible when you are doing sit-ups or to have muscle spasms, right? Like when you overstrain muscles, you can say, are they considering this the orgasm? I don't understand, I don't know what they're talking about. Look, I have two doctorates.
Dr. Jacobson: I don't know what they're talking about. All right. Listen, to be a sex therapist, you have to have 150 hours of training. I have over 300 hours of training in human sexuality. I still have no idea what they're talking about.
Dr. Bawa: Well, my friend, you brought up a good point. You have a lot of training, but do you know that these so-called sex therapists, many of them have little or no training? And a lot of these podcasters out there and these Instagrammers, these so-called sex spots, are doing nothing but spreading misinformation. There's one in the top five, we won't name any names, who went to this unaccredited school that has since been shut down. She doesn't even have an actual doctorate.
Dr. Jacobson: I didn't know that. Tell me more.
Dr. Bawa: what can I say? This could get salacious. We'll avoid that. But there's another author. She has a book out, and I was looking her up, and she has a nine-page thesis from the same esteemed institution. And here's the “esteemed” in quotes, right?
Dr. Jacobson: Yeah, esteemed in quotes.
Dr. Bawa: And here's a fun fact, my friend. Now, you are a member of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. AASECT, like I said in my introduction, your president has a doctorate in education, not sexuality. How the hell does that happen?
Dr. Jacobson: So the institution that we are talking about was shut down in 2018. And it was shut down because ever since its inception, it was never accredited. It was approved by the California Board of Postsecondary Education to offer certificates and degrees. Okay. So it was approved by the state to offer degrees and certificates, but it never received any type of accreditation. in 40 years, right? Like we're like, it's a it wasn't like, oh, we tried for 10 years, we couldn't make it happen. For 40 years, they didn't do this.
Dr. Jacobson: and they got a number of different fines and things to the point where the state finally said, you have to shut down, like this is over with. There were when the when the institution originally opened, one of the students and frequent publishers with Alfred Kinsey was the first school academic dean or the first school president.
Dr. Jacobson: I mean, he so it began, I think, with the intention of starting an actual institution where people could study these things, but it quickly became you know, a lot of people call it FU because it was that was the whole center of was to focus on these topics. I mean, their academic library was basically a large collection of pornography. and so I don't I there was really, to my understanding, no academic rigor or any academic efforts that are credible.
Dr. Jacobson: And now they would have argued that research methods that they were introducing new research methods and that they were introducing new ways to do research in sexuality that aren't allowed other places. That's what they would argue. I would argue that it was a degree mill, which is basically what the state of California has said. interestingly, this is not a this was not a cheap degree mill, because I know at the time of their closing, you were paying around $21,000 a year.
Dr. Bawa: Well, they were basically buying these degrees. And what I find interesting is that every one of the people I mentioned, from the podcaster to the author to the ASEC president, got their so-called doctorates from this one institution. And there are many people who are out there spreading their misinformation that came from this institution. So I feel bad for people out there who don't really realize that a lot of what they're talking about is nonsense. And honestly, Dr. Jacobson, how is the average person supposed to know? There's really no way for the average person to know.
Dr. Bawa: You trust that somebody who's calling themselves a PhD or a doctor, something or the other, is really a doctor, but they're not.
Dr. Jacobson: Well, I'll tell you this, Dr. Bawa. There is an organization in the state of Florida right now where you can get your PhD in human sexuality for somewhere around $17,000. You don't have to take a single course on statistics. You don't have to take a single course on research methods, but you can get a PhD at this institution, which is approved by the state of Florida, and call yourself doctor afterwards.
Dr. Bawa: This is insulting. These people have these so-called degrees, doctorate degrees, and people like me who have solid academic and professional credentials just can't take them seriously. And I just want people to make sure that they research their Instagram and TikTok gurus and make sure that they really have the kind of street cred that they're professing. And I'll give you an example. There's this so-called sex spurt on the internet who I've spoken to previously, but I was horrified when I read some of her information on her website recently.
Dr. Bawa: And she's basically selling a course which promises women that any woman can squirt her heart out. And I'm quoting when I say that squirt her heart out. So there are many assumptions there. The assumption is that every woman can squirt. There's an assumption that squirting is extremely normal, that women want to squirt, that women should be squirting. And it's called the art of female ejaculation. I'm sorry, I didn't realize it was an art.
Dr. Bawa: Because the way I look at it, as a medical doctor, somebody who actually went to school for all of this, you could squirt or not squirt, and you'd be normal. Women who squirt during orgasm and women who don't squirt during orgasm still feel the same pleasure. Now, to put this kind of pressure on a woman, because now not only does she have to have a vaginal orgasm, which is harder than a clitoral orgasm, she's supposed to be able to have a throat orgasm. She's supposed to have, you know, be able to have a skin orgasm, an eye gasm, a coregasm.
Dr. Bawa: And, you know, while we're at it, let's just squirt too. Because if you don't squirt, there's something wrong with you because every woman can squirt if you buy the course. It's depressing, it's disappointing.
Dr. Jacobson: So in therapy, I often tell people, there's a lot there to unpack.
Dr. Bawa: I know.
Dr. Jacobson: And there was just there, you know. Let's go back to the first thing you said about, you know, about quote unquote street cred and about the average person, they see somebody with the title doctor, even not the average person. So say someone came into your office, they introduced themselves as Dr. So-and-so, you would automatically expect that this person was being legitimate and upfront and honest. you read it in Cosmopolitan or the Huffington Post, Dr. So-and-so, you would say, Oh, this person's a doctor, especially if they're listed alongside other doctors, right?
Dr. Jacobson: Like you would assume that, okay, they're putting these people in the same category with other well-known and actually people who have accredited degrees. So it's putting these people that's elevating these people who don't have the proper training to the same level as others that do. This is seriously a disservice, and it is helping to legitimize the illegitimate. So if I could say it that way, right? The things we should not be legitimizing, we are legitimizing by giving these people credibility. The second part of that is I believe that is where all this nonsense comes from, right?
Dr. Jacobson: If you haven't studied research methods, if you haven't studied, I mean, if you haven't studied research methods, how can you go back and read any of the research that has been done? How can you, how can you properly understand research that you do read? So what do you do? You have to make up stuff, right? Like you come up with different ideas that sound good, that ooh, I want to be the first person to say this, I want to be the first to try to make yourself seem important or like you've done made some major contribution when you really haven't.
Dr. Jacobson: What you've done is what you've also said was you've really done a disservice to a lot of women, and not just women, I'll also say to men, right? So there are men who, you know, I see couples all the time where maybe the woman has trouble orgasming, and you know, they've just been having penetrative sex, and we know 70% of women, they're never going to orgasm this way. It doesn't matter how long they have penetrative sex, penetration alone usually does not help. They usually need something else, which is okay.
Dr. Jacobson: Like you can have penetrative sex and clitoral stimulation at the same time, and she can learn to move in this way. So here you have a husband who the woman thinks something's wrong with me. I'm not able to have an orgasm. The husband's thinking something's wrong with me, I can't please my wife. So they just stop having sex. Now you're saying, Oh, you have to orgasm through your throat, you have to orgasm, you know, from your skin or from your eyes. It's just ridiculous. And it's and it's really causing more problems.
Dr. Bawa: Agreed, because I have so many men who come to me and say, Dr. Bawa, can you please tell me how I can make my wife squirt? And when I say, Why are you trying to make her squirt? Because the question is not how can I get her to orgasm, the question is how do I get her to squirt? They think that it's expected, that it's a marker of how good they are as a lover and how well they did in bed. And it's not.
Dr. Jacobson: But that's the that's the message that's taught to them, right? Like to be a good lover, you have to be able to do this to her. You have to what's we've talked about this in the past with a lot of people who have had men who have had issues with penis size, where one of the issues is not that now we're not talking micro penises, we're talking men who have average penis length, right? Where they feel they need a larger penis because they don't know how to properly have sex to begin with. They don't know what they're doing.
Dr. Jacobson: and this is the same way. You have a lot of women who are a lot of men who think, oh, I need to make her be able to squirt because that's the only way I can please her. Because they've never, there's real no sex education. I mean, here we go again, talking, we're at the very basics of understanding anatomy and understanding sex education. And instead of teaching people and reiterating this message of what pleasure is, how our bodies work, we're making up things to give them other areas to explore that they'll never reach a conclusion to.
Dr. Bawa: Yes, and I think all these crazy orgasms put even more pressure on women to fake it. And that's not helping anyone, that's not helping her, that's not helping the partner, it's not helping anybody in any shape or form. Because you are now validating whatever isn't working for you. So your partner is going to keep doing the same thing. And can you blame them?
Dr. Jacobson: And then what happens, right? You just decide, okay, we'll find excuses not to have sex. I can tell you the number of couples who say this to me, right? Well, it's disappointing. So why would you want to keep doing it?
Dr. Bawa: Yeah. And I think there's a lot of pressure on couples, even about G spots. Everybody wants to know how to find the G spot. And I've spoken about this previously on my TikTok account, Dr. Sex Fairy, and even on this podcast, that the G spot is actually not a special area, some magical mythical unicorn. It's just an extension of the clitoris because people don't realize that the clitoris is like the penis, it extends way. Beyond the surface. On the surface, it's a little, little, you know, nodule, a little, you know, tiny little thing, but it goes down, deep down.
Dr. Bawa: It's analogous to the penis for a reason. And when you are stimulating the internal part of the vagina that's feeling so pleasurable, it's not a separate thing. It's just the clitoris. So these so-called G-spot and clitoral blended orgasms they're trying to sell women are really just a clitoral orgasm. It's just that it's internal and external. That's all. That's all it is. But they make such a big fuss about it and put pressure on men and women alike.
Dr. Jacobson: So this reiterates our point again. You know, the term G-Spot, it was named after a German physician, and the term was popularized by Beverly Whipple at Rutgers University in the late 70s, early 80s, where they had just begun doing research and discovering that some women it was able to locate a spongy type rough material inside the cavity of the vagina. Now, we have known from recent research on autopsies done on numerous bodies that some women's vagina has this area that's noticeable to touch, while other corpses did not have them. Okay. This and I will tell you, Dr.
Dr. Jacobson: Ruth Westheimer very early on was an advocate against this. And she has spoken quite a lot because she felt and rightfully so, you know. I think back to Dr. Ruth all the time, and I think of stuff she said and how just point on she was, right? And she said, you know, the problem she had with the G spot was that there are so many women who will think something's wrong with them because we're putting so much emphasis on it, right? It goes to your point. Our bodies all develop differently.
Dr. Jacobson: And just because you don't feel a rough area inside, again, now we know, now we know that you are right, that there is, it seems to be very much a center where there are a connection of a bunch of nerve endings connected with the clitoris. So now we have a little bit more understanding. But think about this. This is 40 plus years of research for us to from the time the term—the phrase—from the time the phrase was coined. So you got it. I thank you. until we understand this, well, I mean, we're talking over 40 years.
Dr. Jacobson: Think about how many people have been impacted by this over the past 40 years. And what about all the women thousands of years before that, who never heard the term G-spot? Did they never have good sex?
Dr. Bawa: That's the thing. And you know what breaks my heart also is that so many sex therapists, even today, don't realize the difference. I was going through some articles as part of my research for this podcast episode, and I found one of the other podcasters who are in the you know top 10 in the US, you know, to be selling that crock of shit, excuse my French, to everybody in today's day and age. Come on, sister, you can do better. I mean, I know that your PhD may or may not be real, but come on. Come on.
Dr. Jacobson: Yeah. So unfortunately, you know, between courses and supplements and things like this, I'm really it makes me nervous that with the with podcast, with social media, that the reach of some of these experts is so strong. And I caution people all the time, just because someone says something that sounds good to you or makes sense in your brain, or because something rhymes, right? That doesn't mean that it's accurate, right? It might resonate with you, it may be the way you feel. But our feelings aren't always accurate either, right?
Dr. Jacobson: Like, how many times have you fallen in love with somebody go, oh, I love this person so much, they're so great. Six months later, that really, you know, you're calling them, you know, the big word now is toxic, right? Like it used to be they're a douchebag, but now they're just toxic, right? So our feelings are deceptive. And just because it sounds good, just because it rhymes, just because you go, ooh, that way that makes kind of sense. It's kind of cool, doesn't mean it's accurate at all. but that's how you really deceive people.
Dr. Bawa: I'm glad that you're on my podcast today because this is such an important topic to discuss. People don't realize, and they won't realize unless people like you and I point it out to them. Because, in their defense, how are they supposed to know? You and I wouldn't know if we didn't have inside access to some of this stuff. So it's very important that I have this podcast and that you have the sex therapy podcast. And I'm sure that people listening to us today want to hear more from you. So, how can they find you?
Dr. Jacobson: Well, first off, let me say that you're 100% correct on everything you said, Dr. Bawa. And that's one of the things we've been looking at on the Sex Therapy Podcast was the lack of sex education that people have access to in general, the lack of sex education in medical school, the lack of sex education that therapists have. And now we're basically talking about the people who are giving some of the sex education within sexual health don't know what they're talking about, right? So it's important that they connect with people who know and are factually correct in what they're saying.
Dr. Jacobson: Now, if they would like to connect with me and they've liked what I've said, they could find me on Instagram at Dr. Caleb Jacobson. It's very easy to find. There's a lot of information on there about sex and religion. There's information on there about sex therapy and things of that nature. Now, if they listen and they're like, I hate this guy, I'm Dr. Eric Sprankle.
Dr. Jacobson: Okay, so but I would love for them to connect with me and even to reach out because it's always I always enjoy interacting with people, and we've been doing some fun stories and some fun things over there. So it'd be good to connect on Instagram. They can also visit sextherapypodcast. com.
Dr. Bawa: Thank you, Dr. Jacobson. It's always such a pleasure to speak to you and to our listeners. Thank you for listening and for joining me on this journey towards sexual and intimate wellness. I am here for you today and every day. If you have questions, please email me at askme at drsexfairy. com. For more information, please visit drsexfairy. com. Until next time.
Dr. Bawa: I hope you enjoyed the Dr. Sex Fairy podcast today. I would love to continue this conversation with you. If you would like to get in touch with me, email me at askme at drsexfairy. com. Don't forget to follow this podcast and leave me a five star review. And make sure you follow my blockbuster hit TikTok account, Dr. Sex Fairy.
Dr. Caleb Jacobson is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist, and the former host of The Sex Therapy Podcast. His work focuses particularly on the intersection of sexuality and religion.
