Ep. 133: Still Got It: Passion Without An Expiration Date

[00:02] Episode Preview: Nine Times a Week Is Too Little

Ep. 133: Still Got It: Passion Without An Expiration Date

Host: Dr. Kanwal Bawa | Guests: Jim and Cindy | Runtime: 26:43 | Published: June 25, 2024

Cindy: We think it's terrible when we have sex nine times a week.

Jim: Yeah, if we drop down to nine or like any single digits.

Cindy: Oh no.

[00:19] Still Got It: Passion Without An Expiration Date

Dr. Bawa: Welcome to America's number one sexuality podcast, Dr. Sex Fairy. I am Dr. Kanwal Bawa, America's favorite sex doctor, and I am here to transform your life. The Dr. Sex Fairy Podcast is now both audio and video, so don't forget to subscribe to our YouTube channel, Dr. Sex Fairy, as well as subscribing on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Today we have an extraordinary story to share, one that defies stereotypes and redefines what it means to have a fulfilling sex life in your senior years.

Dr. Bawa: Let me take you back a few years when I first had the pleasure of meeting Jim and Cindy. At that time, Cindy was 70 and Jim was 69. They had embarked upon a new chapter in their lives. Like many couples in their situation, they came to me seeking improvement in their sexual function and overall intimacy. Little did we know that their journey would not only transform their own lives, but also captivate the world. Today, Jim and Cindy's sex life could put people half their age to shame. And their remarkable transformation has turned them into media darlings. They have graced our podcast before, and due to overwhelming demand from our listeners,

Dr. Bawa: I have invited them back to share their inspirational story once again and to discuss where they stand today. Their experience is a testament to the power of love, communication, the potential for sexual fulfillment at any age, and of course, the sexual wellness treatments at my practice Bawa Medical. So join me as we delve into the remarkable journey of Jim and Cindy, two individuals who have shattered stereotypes and embraced the joy of wildly satisfying and pleasurable sex in their 70s. It is a story that will inspire us and remind us all that passion knows no boundaries. Welcome back to the Dr. Sex Fairy Podcast, Jim and Cindy. It's lovely to have you back.

Cindy: Thank you.

Jim: Glad to be back.

Dr. Bawa: So tell me, my friends, what makes this relationship tick?

Cindy: Communication.

[02:34] What Makes Their Relationship Work?

Cindy: Respect. Patience. We share the same faith, which is a big deal.

Jim: It is. And we see we're on the same wavelength, which really, really helps. both the way we think about everything in everyday life, mostly, and the way we view our sexuality. we're on this, we're right there. We're on the same page.

Cindy: We're on the same page. It was just naturally very compatible. Yeah.

Jim: It's worked out quite well. It's been that way pretty much from the beginning.

Cindy: Yeah, one reason I know that he were compatible right from the very beginning is that he can wake up in the morning and I can kiss him on the mouth. And I like it, you know. So then whatever whatever body chemistry is going on with him is is compatible with mine.

Dr. Bawa: Those pheromones tick with yours.

Cindy: Yeah, right.

Jim: Very much so. Yes.

[03:31] Maintaining Libido in Their 70s

Dr. Bawa: So how do you maintain such a high libido in your 70s?

Jim: I have to go back just a little bit because when Cindy and I met, please understand that I was living out west in Las Vegas, and I didn't have one steady girlfriend. I had at my age, I had probably two or three that the women that I was going out with pretty much would call me up and say, Hey, what are you doing this weekend? It was that kind of thing. And so it wasn't where I was having sex a tremendous amount, but enough to keep me satisfied. Then I met Cynthia and we hit off just fabulously. And she had come to this practice for what'd you come for?

Cindy: For the CO₂ fractional laser for medical reasons.

Jim: Right.

[04:28] Fitness, Treatments, and a Little Help From Our Friends

Cindy: And I think one of the things Jim's going to say is that you know, it's one thing to be in your 70s and have sex maybe, you know, a couple of times every other week, or maybe even three or four times, but you know, every few weeks to having sex, you know, mostly twice a day. And that's harder to keep up. So it's a combination of staying basically fit, being physically fit and taking care of yourself and keeping your mind in the right direction. But, you know, we say we have a great sex life with a little help from our friends. And, you know, there's nothing wrong with that.

Cindy: You know, people go to the eye doctor for glasses, you know, or or put hearing aids to improve their hearing. And sexuality is no different. You know, you have your basic sight, for example, that you enhance. You know, we have our our basic attraction to each other. We're both in good physical condition, but you know, we need a little, we need a little help or a little boost. And so that's made just a tremendous difference. But when I was here, you know, were, you know, a little frustrated because we'd have great sex for, you know, a couple weeks, and then all of a sudden it would be four or five days of just what's going on. And back then I'd be, you know, just thinking, what's wrong with me? Is he not attracted to me? And then one day I happened to be here getting treatment for myself, and I saw some literature about men's health. And I called Jim and I said, You've got to come over here and have a consultation with the doctor. And within like a half an hour, he was here and you were speaking to him. And then he got started.

[06:16] BawaShot® and BawaWave®: Transforming Performance

Jim: I did. And I was explaining the procedures of what would go on, and I ended up getting a BawaShot® and some BawaWave®, which really transformed me to being able to perform three or four times a week to literally twice a day, nearly every day of the week. And like I like my wife Cynthia said here, we hit off really well. And it's something that we both really, really enjoy. So between the help that we have here and our lifestyle meeting, meaning, as you see with many activities, it's important that a person eats correctly. Okay. I met I lost 35 pounds after I met my wife. She encouraged me and I did that right away.

Jim: So that was a big health thing. I sleep enough each night. We exercise, we have a trainer come in a couple times a week. Not that you have to do that, but it's something that we do. And we on off days, we do other things as well. We walk a lot or get on the treadmill, so we keep ourselves physically fit. we have steps in our house, we take those innumerable times a day because that's just what we do. We live upstairs. so there's a lot of things like that help, and it and it's all part of it. It's a big deal. I'm incredibly attracted to my wife. I love her a lot. More importantly, I like her, and we get along fabulously well, and we have a great communication, and we work on that. And these are the things that make our sex life and keep our libidos where it is. It really, really is.

[08:11] Grooming, Hygiene, and Attraction

Cindy: And personal grooming. Personal grooming is important, ladies. you know, I mean, I always wash up before I go to bed. I happen to have a bidet, which is nice. he's in the shower, he always washes up in the shower. But, you know, being being confident in your hygiene is really important too, because there's nothing that's going to kill a sex drive more than having problems, like, you know, you didn't you haven't taken a bath for three days or something.

Jim: General health like that, it's just floss and brush your teeth before you bed. Before you go to bed, put on a little cologne for crying out loud. it works, works wonders, gentlemen. It really, really does.

Dr. Bawa: And Jim would know.

Jim: Trust me, I know about this thing. So yeah, it's it's all part of it. It's it's it's a big deal. And communicate, talk to each other, what you like. She says, What kind of cologne did you put on last night? Or she says, put this kind of cologne night tonight. And I said, Fine, you know, I'm I'm good with that. And I get into bed and she says, Boy, you you smell nice. And we have mood lighting in the bedroom. It's just absolutely wonderful.

Cindy: And satin sheets.

Jim: And satin sheets, those are amazing.

Cindy: Well, you know, at first we had regular sheets and were so active, I was snarling up my hair, and my hair was pulling up. My hair. And it was just my hair was like getting worn off my head because of the cotton sheets. So we switched over. At first, just the satin pillowcases, but that wasn't enough. Now we have satin full satin sheets, it makes a big difference.

[09:52] So Much Sex They Needed Satin Sheets

Dr. Bawa: We need to pause here, and I need to speak to my viewers. Did you hear that, ladies and gentlemen? They just said that they have so much sex, they were wearing their hair off their head. Bawa Medical just sang.

Jim: It's the truth.

[10:07] Making Sex the Default

Dr. Bawa: Just saying. And also, you have committed to having sex.

Cindy: Yeah, really. You know, some people say we're going to have sex tonight. We talk about when we're not going to have sex, we just assume. In the at nighttime, we just assume we're going to have sex, unless, yeah, I got my COVID shot a couple months ago. I was icky for a couple of days. If one of us has like an 845 doctor appointment or something, we'll talk about it the night before about are we going to skip? Do you want to set the alarm for seven?

Jim: So we'll have for the morning, be clear. For the morning.

Cindy: Yeah, for the morning. We'll say, do you want to skip? If he didn't we don't want to skip, we'll get up extra early, set the alarm early. So we have two questions. What time are we going to set the alarm for? And what time do we have to get out of bed? And we normally allow what, about an hour?

Jim: About an hour to be on the side.

Cindy: But you know, if he has to be somewhere at eight o'clock in the morning, I'm not going to get up at 6 30, so then we can have sex. So we skip those mornings, but we talk about it ahead of time. So it's not like there are any surprises or misunderstandings or things like that. Yeah.

Jim: Right.

[11:17] No Business in the Bedroom

Dr. Bawa: And then you mention what you talk about. You should also mention what you don't talk about. We've discussed this previously.

Jim: And this was my rule from the very beginning. And it's simply no business in the bedroom. That's all there is to it. We don't talk about the plumber. Or or the somebody coming in and doing work in the house. What are we doing with a car? If it needs to be a good thing. I play poker, had my poker game game go today. we don't talk about you know, maybe my daughter called me up and maybe she has an issue or one thing like we just leave that out. That's we have we have a special place in our house where we sit, we look at each other in comfortable chairs with a coffee table between us, and that's where we have, you know, our private conversations. But once we go in the bedroom, then it's our time. Everything else the world goes away. It's just the world goes away. We shut the door, and that's our place. And that is very, very, very important.

Cindy: Well, here's another thing, kind of a corollary to that. Ladies, if you've got something that you're a little concerned about, it maybe upsets, maybe the wrong word, but let's say something a little controversial that you have to speak to your partner about. Don't do it before you go in the bedroom. Don't do it in the bedroom. Wait until the next morning when you're having breakfast. You've got the whole day ahead of you for you, your partner to digest what you have to say. Then you talk about it. Because you could say, well, thisn't in the bedroom, like five minutes before you go in the bedroom doesn't help either. So save controversial discussions for for breakfast time.

[13:01] Traditional Roles and Taking the Lead

Jim: Another thing that helps my performance, and this may not be for every couple, but the reason we do it is because of my performance, because I can be a little, I don't want to say sketchy, I can be a little I can have some trepidation sometimes just because I have sex so much and I'm I am 71, but I still do quite well. Is that my wife is boss in the rest of the house, and I'm totally good with that. You know, you know especially the kitchen, right? Especially the kitchen. I help her in the kitchen, I clean up, I help her. She's lieutenant commander in the Navy and she loves giving orders. And I'm good with that. I'm perfectly fine with it, but I made it perfectly clear when that bedroom door closed, I'm the boss. Now I don't take advantage or do anything sketchy or kinky or anything like that.

Cindy: It's just that we have traditional gender roles.

Jim: We have traditional gender roles and traditional, I won't go into too much detail, but we have positions, positions we have sex in, and things like that. And sometimes it doesn't matter, but sometimes it does. And she understands that if it has to be a certain way, and she's she's good with it. So that was an important, important piece of our our puzzle to to keep everything, keep everything copacetic.

[14:26] Respect and Appreciation

Cindy: Yeah. And you know, a lot of people think you know, that love is more important than anything. And I tell women respect is more important because if you respect a man, then ultimately it becomes easy to love the man. But respect is of utmost importance. And I would say if a young woman asked me, don't don't get involved with don't marry a man you don't respect, it's not going to work. And so part of the boss in the bedroom thing is just me respecting him as a man.

Jim: That's right. That's right. re I've always called it men need—not adoration—men need appreciation. Men need to be appreciated, above all affirmed above all things else. I've always believed that men in general need appreciation. Pat the old boy on the head every now and then and give him sex once in a while, and boy, he'll never stray. I always said that, you know, to young guys, young women, and things like that, if I had to give some advice. Men, on the other hand, you gotta do things to make yourself appreciated, okay? Just be a gentleman.

Jim: Cindy never opens her own door in the car or in the house or anything like that. She never pulls her own chair out. We're traditional that way, and it makes a I think it makes sense. It's good manners. It's good manners. And I say please and thank you. That's the way my mama taught me. It's it's really that simple. But I don't know how younger people act these days, but for us and you for our great sex life, it all plays a part, and it really, really does. So I would say men really need appreciation for women, men, you have to do things to be worthy of respect and be worthy of respect and appreciation. I think that we certainly have that in our relationship.

[16:33] Performance Without Pressure

Cindy: And here's another thing that works. Sometimes he's like freaking a battering ram. Or I tell him I could hang my I don't need to get a hanger; I could put my coat on you. And other times, you know, we just lie together for I don't know, 10, 15 minutes and kind of hang out. And if he's not under pressure, everything works out great. But I just I just assure him that, you know, it's cool. Whatever happens is fine. And I'm going to say that something like oh gosh, you know, 19 out of 20 times everything works out.

Jim: Everything's everything's just fine.

Cindy: It just might take a little bit more time getting started. And it's the whole thing of him not feeling pressured, I think makes makes a huge

Dr. Bawa: I think respect for you both is a two-way street.

[17:26] Trust, Love, and Letting Go

Dr. Bawa: You respect Jim, but he respects you right back. Right. And I think that's also why you're able to let him take over because you're an alpha female yourself. Yeah. So for you to let him take over, even in the bedroom, is a big concession for somebody as strong as you. But it works together.

Cindy: I'm confident that he loves me. You know, I'm confident in his in his love. And that's very freeing to have the man take the lead in the relationship and have the man take the want the woman. And the woman responds, that's how I am. And so it's that I have confidence that he loves me, and I have confidence that there's nothing for me to be afraid of from him.

[18:12] Keeping a Sex Spreadsheet

Jim: I'd like to add one thing too, that not everybody aspires to have sex twice a day, every day of the week. I realize that. And if we can keep our numbers, we like we don't we keep a spreadsheet. And the reason I keep a spreadsheet is this I keep a spreadsheet, is because this a very important part of our life. And if something's going a little south or a little sour for whatever reason, or I need another treatment, it's okay. I keep track of all that. Okay. And then I keep track of how long we have sex. It's pretty easy to do. And she wants me to do this too, and we can just kind of look back and say, wow, this this going really well. Or if you if you think something's going south, so to speak, you can look back and say, No, it's not that bad. We're we're really doing well.

Cindy: We think it's terrible when we have sex nine times a week.

Jim: Yeah, if we drop down to nine, like single digits. Oh no. But my point is, is not everybody has to aspire, or maybe wants to aspire to that. Maybe you're having sex once a month and you want to have sex twice a week. This what this will help. This will this will this will do wonders for you. Maybe you're having sex twice a week and you want to have sex four times a week. this will help wherever level you're at, this will do a lot to get you back to where you want to be. All right.

Cindy: Both be on the same page.

Jim: Both be on the same page. it's because I can imagine for some women it's very frustrating if her if the man in her life can never perform. and then on the other hand, as a man, I would feel I would, I would think I would feel less than if that was my if that was my case right now. We just happened to hit hit the sweet spot to where we found each other. We're both on the same wavelength. And this our we joined a boat club. I'll tell you this. We joined a boat club a couple weeks ago, and now we take a boat out every couple of weeks, every couple, every few days, a couple days a week. And my wife says, Oh, now we got a second hobby. So, you know, and this what we do. This you know, have a relationship like that.

Cindy: Yeah, we joke, why don't people have sex more often? I said, Well, some people would rather go play golf or tennis or something like that.

Jim: Yeah, that's not what we do. So it's it's just it's it's it's just a wonderful, wonderful part of our life. And we just found each other and both we're both on the same page. You don't have to have as much as us, but believe me, you can have them more than you're having them now.

[20:48] Sexual Wellness Treatments That Helped

Dr. Bawa: Well, you know, those poor golfers, some of them haven't met me. So that might be the rate limiting step, too. See, we can get that plumbing going just like we did with the two of you, get that blood flowing, yeah, do the BawaShot®. And with you, Cindy, we did CO2 as well. Right. So that basically resurfaced the inside of your vaginal tissue.

Cindy: Right, right. Which I have to watch anyway because of the medical condition I have. And, you know, and I would just say, you know, ladies, go see your doctor, make sure you're healthy and and make sure that if you do have anything medically coming up, you can address it. And one of the biggest things with women my age is just what they call vaginal dryness. You know, it it's it a lot of women can't have sex. They either have painful sex or they just can't have sex because of that. And the CO₂ fractional laser, of course, helps with them.

Dr. Bawa: Definitely. And we have so much more that helps with that as well. For instance, hormone therapy that we do, I in fact refer to it as a hormone balancing because I don't just have a one-size-fits-all way of prescribing. And then we have different kinds of radiofrequency. One is radiofrequency microneedling. Of course, BawaWave® for the shockwave to increase blood flow. Women often think that is a male treatment. Just like men think that radiofrequency is a female treatment. And here I don't limit the options my patients have based on preconceived notions.

Cindy: Well, I'd say don't be afraid of hormone replacement therapy. You know, a lot of people think, oh no, something bad's going to happen. Because the negative press from like the 80s, especially women who are perimenopausal, get started early. Get started early with it. and unless you contraindicated by some genetic predisposition or whatever, you know, go go for it. Go for it.

[22:48] Hormones, Vaginal Health, and Treatment Options

Dr. Bawa: Some women can't have it because of certain issues with some cancers and all that. Yes. But within limits, it's a very, very transformative treatment for most people. But let's talk about something new that's happened in your life now. For instance, you are becoming a sexuality counselor.

[23:06] Cindy’s Next Chapter: Sexuality Counseling

Cindy: Yeah, well, I am have I hold a certificate in spiritual direction. I have a master's degree in pastoral theology. And it just comes up in my practice that a lot of people, especially religious people, have, you know, married religious people have all kinds of hang-ups about sex because it's such a hot topic. It's hard for some people to integrate healthy sexuality into their relationship because there's so many mental prohibitions going on. And so I thought I would get educated as a sexuality counselor to augment my spiritual direction practice and felt that just winging it by reading books, I've been doing lots and lots of reading in preparation, but just winging it by reading books wasn't going to be enough, and that I should get some formal training. And I think you even said that there's a lot of people out there that are trying to give sex advice who are not qualified to do so. So I thought I should get some formal, formal training in it.

Dr. Bawa: Absolutely. I think the internet, social media, it's full of these so-called sexperts who have no formal training, that have no experience really, but think that because they have access to Instagram and TikTok, right, that they somehow have the right to tell people how they should live their lives, how they should have sex, what they should do for their health care. I think it's ridiculous. Yeah, yeah.

Cindy: And I think just Jim and my experience puts us in in a good position to help other people. And so I'm going to get the formal training, but I think Jim's going to look over my shoulder and take the take the courses with me.

Dr. Bawa: No, you are something to emulate. You both are an example of how great it can be if two people only commit to it. You've committed to each other, you have committed to pleasure. It is a wonderful thing to watch unfold. And I have seen you right from the beginning. Yeah. I was invited to your wedding, right? Holidays. Yep. This a friendship that has formed from the medical part of it.

[25:17] A Relationship Worth Emulating

Jim: Yes, absolutely.

Dr. Bawa: Gosh, I'm so glad to be living in our day and age.

Jim: Yes.

[25:33] Recorded Outro

Dr. Bawa: Thank you so much for coming on the podcast again.

Jim and Cindy: You're welcome.

Dr. Bawa: You are our favorites. Come back anytime.

Dr. Bawa: Jim and Cindy's story is a testament to the incredible possibilities of sexual fulfillment at any age. And it serves as a powerful reminder that love, communication, and sexual wellness can completely transform lives. Thank you for spending time with me on this episode of the Dr. Sex Fairy Podcast. If you're watching this on YouTube, don't forget to leave questions and comments. I will answer them personally. Make sure you like this video and subscribe to my channel, Dr. Sex Fairy, so that you never miss a video. If you are listening on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or elsewhere, do subscribe to the Dr. Sex Fairy Podcast. We have more great content and guests to come. Check out my super hit TikTok account, Dr. Sex Fairy, and my Instagram, @therealdrsexfairy. Until next time.