Ep. 36 - Bringing Horny Back: How to Reclaim Your Libido

[00:00] Introduction: Bringing Horny Back With Janine Stella

Dr. Bawa: Welcome to the Dr. Sex Fairy Podcast. I am Dr. Kanwal Bawa, and I am here to transform your life. I have with me in the studio today, Janine Stella. Janine is the host of the Skulls and Stilettos podcast, which is about the world of mixed martial arts. Janine and I live in South Florida, and we record at the same studio. We happened to get talking about low libido and decided to bring this conversation on the air. After all, what else do normal podcasters do but discuss private issues in public, right? Welcome, Janine. Let's talk libido.

Janine Stella: Thank you so much for having me, Dr. Bawa, on your show. It is such an honor. And, you know, I have to say that I've been watching your TikTok videos, and you're just so inspiring. And, I mean, I'm just, I'm impressed. Dr. Sex Fairy has over, you know, a million views minimum on a lot of your videos. I mean, you're growing exponentially, and you're helping people all over the world with some of these issues. And today we're talking about libido. So, you know, why do people develop low libido?

[01:03] Sexual Wellness and Intimate Wellness

Dr. Bawa: Well, thank you for that. I am very proud of my TikTok. It's a labor of love, and it's actually a little baby account. It is only three months old, and I have almost 35 million views at this point. So clearly my message is resonating with people all over the world. It is something that is not discussed openly in a dignified manner. I think when sex comes up, it's usually more, you know, what should I say? There's just, it's more salacious. I am talking about it from a medical point of view. I am a medical doctor. I am here to help people with my treatments, and also for the people who can't come to me, I help them with tips and other advice on how to make their lives better. I am not just about having good sex.

Dr. Bawa: I mean, I do want my patients to have good sex. I do want my listeners to have good sex. But I also want them to have great intimate wellness. And sexual wellness and intimate wellness, while related, are two different things. So even if you're not having sex, you know, maybe if your libido has been really horrible, keeping to the theme of this podcast, you can still have good intimate wellness while you're building up that libido. But you asked me a very good question and a very broad question, and that is, what causes poor libido?

[02:23] The Brain and the State of the Relationship

Dr. Bawa: Now, I always say that your number one sexual organ is your brain. So in my opinion, the first thing I want to ask my patients or anybody listening to this podcast is, what is the state of your relationship if you are in a relationship, or how was your last relationship? Because we are a product of our experiences and our environment, and what's happening in your world today around you. Are you in a bad relationship? Are you in an abusive relationship? If you are in an abusive relationship, and you don't have to be female to be in one of those, you could be a man and be abused by your female partner. So we need to be very clear about that. People have too many opinions about this and preconceived notions that abusers are male.

Dr. Bawa: There are enough women who are abusing their partners as well. So firstly, what is the state of your relationship? Are you happy? Are you content? You're not going to want to get it on with a partner if you're not in a good place mentally with them, emotionally with them, right? I mean, while sex can sometimes be disconnected from our emotions, it's hard to do that and really orgasm, because orgasm is more than just a penis and a vagina, isn't it? So I think the state of your relationship is a big one.

[03:40] Stress, Self-Care and Parenting

Dr. Bawa: And then there's the issue of stress. We live in a very stressful world. We are going a mile a minute, and we don't always stop for self-care. Self-care is a big deal. It's important. We don't do it enough. We're stressed because our kids are running us, you know, all over town from soccer practice to tennis practice, and maybe we have more than one kid and the other one's taking us across town to something else. Now, I'm a mom. I love my boys. They're the love of my life. But I made a decision early on that my kids were not going to drive me insane. And I don't have them in 55 different activities each because my mental health is just as important as their sports and fitness and their social life. So it doesn't make me a bad mother.

Dr. Bawa: If anything, it makes me a better mother because I feel that I have enough time to spend with them. And we have a limited number of sports that they do, limited number of extracurricular activities that they do. We spend time together as a family. We don't spend every evening five or six days a week running around town in a car, you know, yelling at each other. And I'm not saying every family does that, but enough do. Trust me, they come to me as patients. And when I ask them why they have poor libido and I ask them these questions, a lot of times they're just maxed out on what a human being can do. So stress is a big thing.

[05:09] Depression, Mental Health and Trauma

Dr. Bawa: And then there's depression. Depression and stress are different. You may be depressed and stressed together, but they are mutually exclusive. Like I get stressed sometimes, but I'm not depressed necessarily, you see? So if you're depressed, that's a clinical condition where perhaps you need medication to get you out of that situation. And I don't think enough people acknowledge the fact that they're depressed. I think mental health in our society is very ignored, and it's terrible. I have a very good friend. He has a podcast of his own called Sex Therapy Podcast, Dr. Caleb Jacobson, and I work very closely with him. He's based out of Germany, but I do refer my patients to him.

Dr. Bawa: They do Zoom consultations all the time because I think that mental health and sexual health doctors need to work hand in hand, in close proximity, because so much of it is in the mind. So you asked me causes of low libido, and I immediately told you three that to me are a big deal: relationship situation. Or, you know, how your relationship's doing, stress and depression. And, you know, do you have some kind of psychosis of another kind? Have you been raped? That can happen. You know, you could be perfectly frisky, and then you get raped, and that changes things. How can you possibly have normal libido if you've just been raped? And as we were just discussing, there was this situation in Paris that came out today.

Dr. Bawa: The story came out where this woman was in Paris with her boyfriend, went to a public restroom, and was raped there. So how does this even happen? That, you know, you go into a bathroom and suddenly you're grabbed and raped? But it does. It happens. And how can that poor woman possibly have normal sex for a while? I mean, I'm sure she'll need a lot of sex therapy, a lot of emotional help, because my God. So, yeah, I'll bet she's going to have poor libido for a while. And that came out of the blue.

[07:05] Pregnancy, Childbirth, Menopause and Hormones

Dr. Bawa: And then, of course, hormones. And I think you and I have discussed that as being a possible source of, you know, your issue. Hormones can make a huge difference because, are you pregnant? Then you have hormone fluctuations. Did you just have childbirth? Now you have a whole other set of hormones happening. And, you know, are you getting older? It's common knowledge that premenopausal women have better libido than postmenopausal women. But I don't think a lot of people realize that if you have surgical menopause, you're going to have even worse libido. And by that I mean a hysterectomy, because then you had an abrupt change in your hormones. That is harder to deal with, harder for your body to process. So definitely that's another cause.

Janine Stella: That is so fascinating, and I'd never actually stopped to think about that until you raised those issues as to why I might be experiencing that, or anyone for that matter, right?

[07:58] Men, Testosterone and Thyroid

Janine Stella: Do men also suffer from poor libido?

Dr. Bawa: They do. That's a great question. And if you think about it, when a woman is having these hormonal fluctuations, you think about estrogen, right? You don't think about testosterone in a woman. Yet men and women have the same hormones. We just are supposed to have different levels of those hormones. So men have more testosterone, women have less testosterone, but women need testosterone too. So when a woman is aging, she is having a drop in her estrogen, sure, but hell, she's also dropping her testosterone. And you need all of the above. You can't just pick and choose which one you want in your life. You need them all. What about thyroid? People don't always think about thyroid as a sexual hormone, but it is.

Dr. Bawa: So when you think about thyroid, at least when I talk to my patients, they're always talking about weight gain, weight loss, that sort of thing with thyroid. They always connect thyroid with weight. Yes, it does affect that. Hypo, hyper, it depends, you know, whether you gain or lose with thyroid. But yes, definitely, it's a weight hormone. But you need it for good sex. You need it for good libido. And that's another thing that people are missing out on.

[09:09] Individualized Hormone Care

Dr. Bawa: So, you know, when it comes to hormones, I feel that not enough is being done about them. And people are going to these hormone clinics. These aren't always run by doctors. That's the irony of the situation. So you're going and meeting these practitioners. I'm not saying they don't have some medical training. Well, I'm hoping they do anyway. But you're not meeting a doctor. And a lot of them have a medical director who maybe never even steps onto the premises. So you've got to be very careful going to these chain hormone places because you end up being part of a puppy mill.

Dr. Bawa: And I really think that whether it's your endocrinologist, Whether it's your family doctor, whether it's your gynecologist, sometimes, unfortunately, you have to bring up the topic with them because too many medical providers are just as clueless about the importance of hormones as you are. Now, in my practice, it's a little different because I am very cognizant of this. I am a very, very good sexual wellness doctor because I treat the entire person, not just the symptom. Because the symptom is a cry for help for a larger issue, usually, and I'm always trying to figure out what that issue is. And hormones are a very important part of that. So I think people need to be more proactive about their medical health, and they need to ask these questions.

Dr. Bawa: And I think people in my position need to be more sensitive to their patients' needs as well. I think it's about time we stop brushing off our patients and saying, Oh, this person is just whining all the time. Well, maybe they're whining because they're tired. Maybe they're whining because they have mental fog. Maybe they're whining because they're tired of living this way. So we need to stop dismissing people and their needs, and we need to start being more sensitive to them.

[10:56] Finding the Cause Before Treating Low Libido

Janine Stella: Thank you for that. And what are the treatments? What are the options that people have, men and women?

Dr. Bawa: Well, the treatments are going to come later. First, we have to discuss all the causes, because we're not done with all the causes.

Janine Stella: Okay, keep going. Keep going, Dr. Bawa. I don't want you to press, but there's a lot more that causes it. Oh, tell us about that.

[11:19] Birth Control, Medical Conditions and Medications

Dr. Bawa: Well, did you think about birth control pills?

Janine Stella: I did not think about that.

Dr. Bawa: Again, hormonal fluctuations. So when you are on birth control of any kind, it doesn't even have to be pills. A lot of the IUDs are coated in hormones. There are things happening. So when you think about it, even birth control can cause poor libido. I mean, it really should, in theory, free you up to have more libido because now you're not worried about getting pregnant. But sometimes it can have the opposite effect. And then medical conditions. Are you diabetic? Do you have high blood pressure? Do you have heart disease? Young people can have heart disease too, or congestive heart failure, or be on some medications for maybe a valve problem or something. That can cause poor libido. And then medications.

Dr. Bawa: Now, it's kind of a catch-22 situation because you have depression, so you have poor libido, right? You don't want to get it on if you're depressed. So you go to a psychiatrist and they put you on an antidepressant. But here's the problem with that. Some antidepressants can cause poor libido too. So this solution is actually causing more of one of the problems. Now you may be less depressed, but you're no more frisky than you were before. If anything, you may be having less libido. That's crazy, isn't it? Crazy. But it happens. Now, high blood pressure medicine. You have to treat your high blood pressure. There's no question that you have to control that.

Dr. Bawa: But there are medications for high blood pressure that work very well for that that then screw up your libido. So what's a person to do, right? Now, seizure medications. You don't often think about seizure medications as causing poor libido, but they can. And of course, I mentioned antidepressants, but also antipsychotics. Some of those can cause it as well. So there's that problem, you know, where you're trying to fix one problem, but you're causing another.

[13:10] Sleep and Hormonal Health

Dr. Bawa: And then sleep. Not enough people think about the importance of sleep. So if you have bad sleep, you're not going to be well rested. One, you're going to be tired, and two, that starts a whole host of other hormonal problems. Poor sleep doesn't just cause you to be tired; it also messes up your hormones.

Janine Stella: That is fascinating. In fact, men who sleep less have poor quality sperm compared to men who sleep more. It's that much of a difference. Unbelievable. And the thyroid—you were talking about the thyroid. That's—I didn't even think about that either. There's so many.

Dr. Bawa: I'm telling you, it's a shit show.

Janine Stella: It is. It is. There's so many causes of—it's not a cookie-cutter this or that. It could be a culmination of several of those.

[13:54] Why Low Libido Is Not a Cookie-Cutter Problem

Dr. Bawa: Yes, and that's why I feel that we need to be more sensitive to our patients' needs as doctors, because I think it takes a little bit of discussion to discuss with them, Hey, why are you having poor libido? It's not just a case of, Here, here's some estrogen, slap on that cream, let's go. I mean, I see it too often in medicine that when a woman does go to a gynecologist, usually her gynecologist will do a Pap smear or maybe her annual lab tests and everything, but there isn't always a conversation about libido or the quality of sex she's having. For instance, a lot of women have painful sex. Why is she going to have any desire for sex if it's going to hurt, right?

Dr. Bawa: So it's small things and it's big things, but there are so many things that are leading to low libido. It's not a simple black-and-white kind of answer.

[14:47] Treatment Depends on the Cause

Dr. Bawa: Now, you ask me, what can you do about it? There's a lot that can be done about it, but again, it depends on why you have the problem to begin with. And of course, in my opinion, you usually have low libido due to a host of different reasons. You may have low libido because of recent childbirth. You may have low libido because you just had a hysterectomy. Or as a man, I mean, they have poor libido as well. And as they get older, they have less and less desire for sex. And also— I have men coming to me saying, you know, I can't get an erection. So part of my treatment plan is to first figure out how much of that is psychological. So I sometimes ask them, Well, you have erectile dysfunction, okay, but how is it when you masturbate?

Dr. Bawa: Are you able to last when you masturbate?

Janine Stella: That is a really good question. Really good question.

Dr. Bawa: See, I am Dr. Sex Fairy.

Janine Stella: You are. So, because what would allow someone to achieve orgasm and have high libido during masturbation but not in physical intimacy with another human being?

Dr. Bawa: Well, that's the problem. That's why I started with relationships. Now, not everybody with poor libido is even in a relationship, but those who are, it's my number one question. Like, what's the state of your relationship? Are you getting along? Just because you've been together 25 years doesn't mean that you even like your partner very much. Sad but true. Welcome to my world. You know, I deal with a lot of this.

Janine Stella: So not only are you a medical doctor, you're a therapist. You have many hats.

Dr. Bawa: Oh my God, I do.

Janine Stella: You have several hats. It's like you're a psychologist. It's like you have, you're all encompassing.

Dr. Bawa: But, you know, I think that's what makes me good at what I do, because I do go into that.

[16:34] Why Dr. Bawa Avoids Band-Aid Treatments

Dr. Bawa: Because too many doctors write a prescription for Viagra, Cialis, or Trimix, and they send you on your merry way. But is that fixing the problem or simply masking a huge problem?

Janine Stella: It's masking it. It's a Band-Aid.

Dr. Bawa: I don't do Band-Aids. So I don't even prescribe Viagra, Cialis, or Trimix to my patients. I just don't. I never do.

Janine Stella: So what are some of those options that can help with, because it doesn't seem like there's problem-solution, problem-solution. There could be several problems. There could be several solutions.

Dr. Bawa: Yes, and I think my method of addressing the problem addresses many of those solutions at one time.

[17:09] Acoustic Wave Therapy for Men and Women

Dr. Bawa: For instance. If you look at acoustic wave therapy, I love using acoustic wave therapy in my practice. It is simply sound waves breaking down blockages in your blood vessels. It's completely painless, and there is zero downtime. So what that does is it breaks down blockages and gets good, healthy, oxygenated blood pulsating through your blood vessels, where before it was a trickle. So now think about what that does to your vaginal tissue or to your penile tissue. Now you have blood there. What is an erection at its most basic? It is increased inflow of blood and decreased outflow. So now that you have more blood flowing, or going either to the penis or to the vagina, think about what that does. You have more activity down there.

Dr. Bawa: Things are just rushing through. You're going to feel it. I'm not saying that you feel a gush of fluid. What I'm saying is when you have good blood flow, there's a difference in the quality of your tissue. You are going to have better erections, and your vagina is likely going to be better lubricated. It's going to be in better overall health. Your pelvic floor is going to be healthier, stronger, able to have, you know, better, more fulfilling sex. Think about that. So I think that's a great thing for both men and women, and I do it all the time. In fact, I have had my patients come and tell me, You know what, Dr. Bawa? I didn't think it would make this kind of difference, but you were so right. And I'm like, Yep, yep, yep. Heard that before.

Janine Stella: You are the sex fairy.

Dr. Bawa: I am the sex fairy.

Janine Stella: Doctor sex fairy. That is amazing. So it's almost like a sound bath or a sound frequency?

Dr. Bawa: Well, you're not lying on a bed and, you know, you have some just sound around you. It's not that. We are actually putting that device on your genitalia. So if you have a penis, we're putting it on your penis, on your scrotum, on your pubic area, between your legs. We're doing that whole area. We are bringing blood flow into the entire region.

Janine Stella: I didn't even know this solution existed. So thank you for bringing—

Dr. Bawa: That's why you have me.

Janine Stella: That's so fascinating. Keep going.

Dr. Bawa: It works beautifully. It really does. It works so well on so many levels.

[19:22] Individualized Hormone Replacement

Dr. Bawa: And then I like to do hormone replacement. Now, my hormone replacement is different than many others because I actually go into this detail, you see. So I want to know about all your surgeries. I want to know about every damn supplement you take, because those can have side effects too. If I had a dollar for every patient who didn't put supplements under their medication list when they fill out the forms in my office, my God, you and I could go for a steak dinner right now and buy good wine. Yeah, they just forget that it's medication because they say, Well, that's not really prescribed. It's over the counter. Yeah, but you're putting it in your body, right? Every medication can have a side effect that may not be very pleasant.

Dr. Bawa: So I need to know those things. So hormone replacement is very important, and it has to be done the right way. You can't overdose people. You can't underdose them. I give women testosterone in some cases, but I don't want them growing a beard. That's not helpful. You don't feel like getting it on if you have a beard, right? That's not good. No bueno. So it's a happy balance, and it's got to be where your hormones are singing the tune you want them to sing, not, you know, heavy metal when you want to hear Adele. That's not good.

[20:40] The O-Shot, P-Shot and PRF

Dr. Bawa: Then, you know, the O-Shot and P-Shot, the male and female version of the same idea, where I take blood from your arm, I spin it down into platelet-rich plasma. Now, PRP is—everybody knows it—but, you know, PRP comes in different flavors. I do PRF, platelet-rich fibrin, because it's more concentrated growth factor. So think about this. We are taking your growth factor and stimulating your stem cells. This is you fixing you. Now, I'm not saying that angels will start singing to you, but I've had enough patients tell me that they do.

Janine Stella: And how long does that last?

Dr. Bawa: Depends on how bad your problem is to begin with. What's the condition of your tissue to begin with? Is the O-Shot taking you from a good level to a better level, or are you absolutely, you know, in a place of hell, and now we're trying to build back to normal and then make you even more orgasmic? So it depends on that. But even one O-Shot or one P-Shot can have a tremendous effect on your libido and your sexual function. Men have better erections. They last longer. They have less downtime between erections. And for women, they are more orgasmic. It helps even make the clitoris a little bigger because the clitoris shrinks over time, just like penises do. Did you know that?

Janine Stella: I did not know that.

Dr. Bawa: When you have poor blood flow, your tissue shrinks over time. So acoustic wave therapy even helps you maintain better size.

Janine Stella: That is so interesting to me.

Dr. Bawa: Now, I do penis enlargement. I'm not saying that you will have a big penis like you will when I do penis enlargement by doing acoustic wave therapy, but one, you will maintain your penis size if you're doing that, and two, you might even go up a little bit in penis size. So yeah, big difference.

[22:26] Sexual Wellness Supplements

Dr. Bawa: And then supplements. That's a big deal too, because where are they getting these supplements from? What's in them? Are they getting them from a gas station? Is it off some seedy website where you can't even find a contact phone number? I mean, who are you buying this from? Where is this stuff even being made? This is such a big problem that I have come out with my own line of supplements. I have three supplements at this point, and they're all sex-related. Of course, I'm Dr. Sex Fairy. What else would I do, right? So I have one that's a nitric oxide booster, which helps people have better erections and better blood flow. You think of a nitric oxide booster usually in terms of an erection, but it's increasing blood flow.

Dr. Bawa: So why not for a woman, right? Then I have a testosterone booster as well. And then I have one supplement that is all about desire and libido.

Janine Stella: When can I get a hold of these?

Dr. Bawa: You can probably get it sooner than the rest of the world, but we go to market in November. I'm so excited.

Janine Stella: And you also have some other things coming out in your line, correct?

Dr. Bawa: Oh, yes, yes, sister, sister. Now we're talking about the fun stuff.

[23:37] Sex Toys as Sexual Health Aids

Dr. Bawa: We have a whole line of sex toys and sexual health aids coming out. So, you know, people think about sex toys and they think about porn stars, and everybody's trying to hide their sex toys. Now, I'm not saying you should show your kids your sex toys, but why is everybody pretending that they don't have sex toys when the sex toy industry is so huge? Now, sex toys are not just for entertainment, which that's a pretty damn good reason in and of itself, but done right, the way I'm doing them, they will be something that help increase blood flow to your vaginal or clitoral area, because that helps promote vaginal health. It's not just about pleasure, though pleasure is, like I said, a damn good reason in and of itself.

Janine Stella: I want your entire line.

Dr. Bawa: I know you do.

Janine Stella: Can I have a subscription?

Dr. Bawa: There you go. So there's that.

Janine Stella: And what about men?

Dr. Bawa: Men need sex toys too. So we have actually a male masturbator where a man can insert his penis and it basically masturbates for him. Doesn't even have to use his hand and get carpal tunnel.

Janine Stella: I think I would buy one of those just to try it out.

Dr. Bawa: Wouldn't that sound like fun?

Janine Stella: Yeah, I think that sounds very interesting.

[24:50] Ejaculation and Prostate Health

Dr. Bawa: Here's a fun fact. Do you know that men who ejaculate more have less of a chance of prostate cancer? And the magic number is 21. So if you masturbate or ejaculate or have sex, whichever way, but the idea is to ejaculate. 21 or more times a month, you have a lower chance of prostate cancer. Do you hear that, ladies?

Janine Stella: That means I have to put out more.

Dr. Bawa: And if you can't put out more, buy him a masturbator. Call me. I'll hook you up, sisters.

Janine Stella: Thank you so much for literally, like, opening my world.

[25:22] What Is Coming From Dr. Sex Fairy

Dr. Bawa: Yeah. So there's so much that's coming out with the Dr. Sex Fairy line, and we're talking November of 2022. So if you're hearing this, you know, in '23 or '24, it's already out.

Janine Stella: Why don't we do another episode where I have tried your entire line and I've used some of your services, and then we talk about that as well.

Dr. Bawa: No, we absolutely have to do that.

Janine Stella: I just want to say thank you so much for opening my eyes to a world I didn't know existed as far as the causes, the potential causes, the solutions, and then some of the things that I didn't even think to ask you, you answered for me. So I wanted to say thank you so much for educating me on that.

[26:05] Where to Find Janine Stella

Dr. Bawa: No, thank you so much for coming, and I'm sure people are very interested in your MMA podcast. So how can they find you online?

Janine Stella: You could go to Skulls and Stilettos on Instagram, or you can find me at Fight Mixer TV on Instagram, and also under Janine LaRusso Stella on Facebook.

Dr. Bawa: Skulls and Stilettos. I love that name, and I've told you that before. Thank you again for being on the Dr. Sex Fairy Podcast. I think this was a very good conversation. I think it's a conversation that needed to be had, and this is a conversation that will help people from all over the world. The Dr. Sex Fairy Podcast is already in the top 10% globally, and I'm sure we're headed up and up. We're currently 47 in the U.S. charts, so I'm really excited about that.

Janine Stella: Congratulations.

Dr. Bawa: Thank you, thank you.

[26:54] Closing and Contact Information

Dr. Bawa: And to my listeners, if you're interested in any of the treatments I discussed here on the podcast today, all you need to do is go to drsexfairy.com and fill out the contact form, and I will be in touch. If you have any questions, you can always email me at askme@drsexfairy.com. Whether you want to be put on our special list to hear about our sex toys when they come out, if you're interested in our supplements, let me know. You'll be put on our VIP list so you will know before anybody else does. Of course, Janine wants her supplements first, and she'll make sure she gets them. So we will do that. But, you know, follow me on TikTok. Share my podcast with your friends and family. I am out to change the world, and with your help, I will.

Dr. Bawa: Until next time.

[27:43] Recorded Outro

Dr. Bawa: I hope you enjoyed the Dr. Sex Fairy Podcast today. I would love to continue this conversation with you. If you would like to get in touch with me, email me at askme@drsexfairy.com. Don't forget to follow this podcast and leave me a five-star review, and make sure you follow my blockbuster hit TikTok account, Dr. Sex Fairy.